Circle of Life
by teanc09
Summary: Story co-written with Katycat1970. Will, Mac, and the circle of life. Set after season one. Reviews are greatly appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

It was early on a Sunday morning, mid-May. Will was sitting out on the balcony enjoying some coffee and pretending to read the paper. When his mobile began to ring he knew exactly who was calling without having to look at the caller ID. "Good morning, Mac."

"Good morning, Will. How are you?"

Her question was met with silence. "It's okay, Will," she said quietly. "I know it's hard."

He finally asked, "have you talked to your mother today?"

"Mother's Day is earlier in England, but Father's day is the same as here. But I have talked with her. She and Sir David are going into London today to go to a new restaurant they wanted to try and spend some time in the city for the afternoon. Are you okay?"

"I don't know why today is so different," he said.

"You want some company?" she offered.

She was the only person he'd talk to about this and if he was honest with himself she was the only person he wanted to spend the day with. "I'll fix you breakfast."

"You don't need to do that, I can bring bagels," she offered. "You interested in Ess-a-Bagel?"

"You'd go, on a Sunday morning?"

"For you, any time," she said.

"I'll put on the coffee and I'll see you in a while."

"Sounds good," she replied and was about to disconnect when she heard him.

"Mac."

"Yes."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'll be there soon." When Mac arrived he was still sitting out on the balcony. "Will," she called.

He came inside and said, "good morning."

"Manny said you'd called down."

"I did. You ready for some breakfast? How were the lines at Ess-a-Bagel?"

"Not bad at all, and it smelled so good, I was ready to buy one of everything," she said with a smile.

"Let's fix our bagels and eat on the balcony, that okay with you?"

"Sunshine, a bagel and the balcony sound great. The only thing missing is the paper."

"It's already out there. I'll even find you some highlighters so you can mark stories," he teased.

He was fixing his bagel, putting up a good front but she knew better. She placed her hand on his arm and looked up at him. She knew he was struggling today. He dropped the knife onto the counter and pulled her into his arms, resting his head on her shoulder.

"It's okay, Billy." He was too quiet. "I know today is a tough day for you," she said running her fingers through the hair on the back of his neck.

He nodded his head. "Today's the actual date anniversary and it is mother's day. It's just gotten to me."

"How many years has she been gone now?" Mac asked.

"Twelve," he said.

"I'm sorry."

"Thanks," he said squeezing her tightly. When he pulled back enough to see her face he added, "I can't imagine spending today with anybody else."

"You don't have to thank me Will," Mac said her lip automatically slipping between her teeth as it did so often did these days, "What are friends for, eh?"

"I know, but you didn't have to come here, I'm not sure I'll be very good company today."

"Don't worry," Mac whispered as her hand slid down his arm before she stepped away slightly, "look, if you want a day just sitting and watching a movie and reading the papers then that's fine and if you want to talk well, you know I'll always be here for you, whatever you need."

Will nodded and couldn't help but smile along with Mac when he saw a grin spread across her face. His smile soon disappeared though the moment Mac turned away and started to gather their breakfast things together.

He hated this whole being so close and not actually being together situation that had developed between them but he also knew it was all down to him to actually do something about it now. God knows she had tried recently to put things right, to fix them, but somehow his fears and stubbornness had thwarted her recent advances.

They were friends, good friends, closer than they had been for years now and Will was absolutely desperate for their relationship to move forward but still he couldn't bring himself to actually sit down and tell Mackenzie that. He knew she felt the same, that she would give herself to him in an instant, but still there was that dreaded fear every single time he thought about making a move, about asking her on a date.

If he was honest with himself he had no idea how to handle this situation now. He'd spoken to Dr. Habib so many times about this, about why that damn image of her and Brian Brenner just couldn't leave his mind and yet he felt he was no nearer any answers. He'd lost count of the amount of times he'd wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless but for all the times he'd had that urge it would always be followed by a vision of her on that fateful night five years ago pouring out her guilt and smashing his heart to smithereens in the process.

"Come on you," Mac interrupted sensing his mind was probably wandering to trying thoughts, "I might even let you help me with the crossword if you're very good!"

"Oh how lucky am I?" Will mocked and let out a little chuckle.

"You better have saved it for me Billy, I don't want to find any of your random scribblings next to it!"

"I wouldn't have dared touch it, I'm not that brave a man." Will chuckled again and picked up their coffees and followed her out to the balcony. Mac instantly sat down all their breakfast things and handed Will a couple of bagels before squeezing behind Will's chair and seating herself next to him. Will ignored the feeling of warmth that her hand had left a moment ago as it slid oh so gently across his shoulders and watched instead as she instantly pulled the paper towards her and automatically pulled out the Sports section.

"Oh dear," Mac giggled looking at the headline, "really, how do the Yankees manage to lose quite so often?"

"I think they've turned losing into an art form," Will answered shaking his head and chuckling at the same time, "I think they've managed to catch it from the Jets or maybe it's just every team I follow these days. I'm a curse!"

Mac giggled and passed Will the sports and the financial sections of the paper before opening up the News section and spreading it across the table. They read and ate in a comfortable silence for the next twenty minutes or so both simply enjoying the calm naturalness that existed between them when they were relaxed and away from the office. For anyone looking in on the scene all they would see was a happy couple spending a lazy Sunday morning together.

"I wished you'd met her," Will said quietly a few minutes later. His eyes remained firmly on the building across the street but he carried on. "She'd have liked you Mac, for sure she would have liked you."

Mac instantly put the section of the paper she was studying down and looked up and into Will's eyes. He had a sad, almost regretful look on his face as he tried hard to hold himself together.

"Tell me about her?" Mac asked, crossing her legs and turning her full attention to Will. He'd so rarely spoken about his family in the past even though Mac had tried on numerous occasions to coach information out of him before.

Will smiled a wistful, thoughtful smile and leant back in his chair, his eyes finally looking across to Mac. "She really was an amazing woman Mac, your kind of woman, and by that I mean that you'd get along with her, I have no doubts on that. She was strong mentally, hard-working, so very, very beautiful and had so much love to give to the people she cared about."

"You and your siblings you mean?" Mac asked.

"Yeah and I suppose my father at first," Will lamented. "I'm talking at the beginning – there must have been love between them once upon a time don't you think?"

Will looked at Mac almost begging her to give him the answer he wanted to hear but Mac shrugged her shoulders.

"It's hard to say Will, you know, not really knowing them but most people are madly in love when they marry aren't they?"

Mac felt her comments weren't enough and shook her head slightly at her lack of wise words. She was desperate to comfort him somehow, to help him with the thoughts that were whirling around his mind this morning but she instantly tried to remind herself that sometimes all Will needed was someone to listen to his views.

"I try to convince myself that she loved him," Will said a few moments later, "somehow, in my head it makes things slightly better, to think that she loved him, that he was, at least in the beginning, her everything."

"Do you ever remember seeing them in love? When you were young."

Will shook his head and sighed. "I don't remember anything before the abuse started to get real bad, I think my brain has blocked it out somehow. You know me, always remembering the bad instead of the good."

For a moment their eyes blazed deep into each other's soul and there was a river of regrets running between the two of them. Will was the first to look away a moment later but Mac refused to let today be about them. She was determined to steer the conversation back to his mother.

"How did they meet? Do you know?"

"Mom never told me anything really but my aunt told me they met at a dance. Dad was twelve years older than Mom but quite a catch apparently. God, he must have been a bit of a looker before the alcohol got to him because I'm certain she couldn't have fallen in love with his personality."

Mac sighed and took a sip of her coffee content to let him carry on while he was in a talkative mood.

"She was so strong to put up with everything she did over the years," Will said, his voice laden with sorrow. "I wish I could have done more," he added before letting out a huge sigh and dropping his head back against the chair, "she shouldn't have had to cope with so much on her own but she hid so much from me Mac."

"A mother would do anything to protect her children, Will." Mac said reaching out and letting her hand rest on his forearm. "I don't know much about your mother Billy but I'm certain of that, I'm certain she didn't want you or your siblings to be any part of what happened."

"Then why, in God's name, didn't she leave him?" Will said angrily as he stood up and leaned on the rail of the balcony. "Why didn't she just get the hell away from him Mac? If she wanted to protect her children why did she let herself go through so much abuse? Why did she stay and let him take his anger out on me whenever he felt like it?"

"Will," Mac whispered, standing up beside him and letting her arm slip around his waist hoping to comfort him somehow, "don't torture yourself like this, no one apart from your mother would know why she stayed."

She watched as he quickly wiped a single tear off his cheek, obviously hoping Mac hadn't seen it and then rested his chin down on his hands.

"I just don't get how she stayed with the bastard," Will said feeling a little calmer as Mac gently rubbed his back. "I wrack my brain and try to figure it out and I always end up hating her for it Mac. As much as I love her I end up hating her and I shouldn't hate her on a day like today. That can't be right surely?"

"You can't help feeling what you feel, Will. Whether that's right or wrong you just have to feel those feelings. I think I'm safe to say that she loved you, immensely. Have you ever asked your aunt if she knows why your mother didn't leave?"

"The funny thing is, I'm not sure I really want the answer. I know that doesn't make any sense."

"Yes it does, you're worried about how you'll feel if you find out something you don't think you can handle," she said. "But you can handle so much more than you think you can. You're strong."

"I want answers but if those answers aren't what I'm expecting I don't want to end up hating her more than I do." He was getting worked up again and she needed to help him calm back down.

Mac took his hand and held it in hers and turned him to face her. "Let's do something to get your mind off of it being mother's day. What do you want to do? We can stay in or go out, it's your choice. Anything you want to do, we'll do it."

Will was watching her closely. He loved feeling her holding his hand. "Anything?" he questioned.

"Anything."

"Do you feel like wandering around the Met and then maybe grabbing some dinner later?" he asked hoping that she'd be okay with his suggestion.

"You want to go look at the armor?"

"That and the Egyptian art. Is that all right with you?"

She smiled at him. "That sounds like fun. I enjoy the Met. I'd like to take a look at the Islamic art, too. Go splash some water on your face and get ready. Do we need to call Lonny, or is he around somewhere close?"

He loved her so much why couldn't he get past their past? If they were to ever have a future he had to get past the betrayal and hurt. "He's around somewhere close. I'll call him." He turned to walk away, letting their fingers grasp one another for as long as possible when all of a sudden he turned back to her and kissed her cheek. "Thank you," he whispered, his head very close to hers.

"Any time. Off with you, I'll clean up out here so we don't attract pigeons." He nodded and went back into his bedroom.

Mac let out a breath she hadn't been aware she was holding. She knew it was going to be a hard day for him. But she hadn't realized how hard helping him through today was going to be on her when all she wanted to do was to take him in her arms and comfort him and try to keep the hurt at bay for one day.

When he returned she'd cleaned up the balcony from their breakfast and stacked the paper on the coffee table for him to read later. He'd changed into a different shirt and grabbed a baseball cap to wear in hopes of not being recognized.

"Lonny is downstairs. Thank you for cleaning up and putting everything away," he said checking that the balcony door was locked and walking into the living room.

"You're welcome. Shall we go look at some armor?" He nodded and they walked to the elevator and went downstairs to find Lonny.

When they arrived at the Met they walked through to the area with all the armor. She didn't know why this exhibit fascinated him so, but it always had. Anytime they'd visited he made sure to stop by. They were slowly walking around when she wrapped her hand around his elbow, trying to get his attention to show him something in the exhibit. Her touch was electric and made him want to take her back to the apartment and spend the evening getting reacquainted with each other physically. As much as he wanted to reacquaint himself with her breasts and other select parts of her body it wouldn't mean anything. His relationship with her couldn't simply be physical. He couldn't do that to her, she was so much more to him.

He ended up placing his hand over hers on his elbow and listening to what she was saying to him.

They wandered around the Met for hours, sometimes chatting, other times simply being quiet together in reverence to the art they were looking at and enjoying. Not that they'd travelled together a lot recently but back when they did, they'd always gravitate to the great museums of the world, and even some not so great ones.

After they'd finished up they had a very nice early dinner in a little bistro not too far from the museum. Once they'd had dinner Lonny drove Mac to her apartment and Will walked her up. "Thank you for today," he said, standing outside her door that she'd just unlocked.

She nodded. "You knew it was going to be a tough day for me and I'm not sure how I would have gotten through it without you, Mac."

She placed her hand on his arm and said, "please remember that anything you need, I'll be there for you."

He nodded and said, "Good night, Mac."

"Good night, Will," she replied and walked into her apartment.

The next time she saw him he was a completely different person. Not that he was particularly rude but all of his responses were short. She had no idea what had happened since he'd left her apartment to now, but clearly something had, but he wasn't talking.

By the time the pitch meeting arrived everyone in the office knew to give Will a wide berth. During the meeting it wasn't any better and once the meeting had concluded he was the first out of the conference room.

Mac followed him back to his office. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," he answered. "Did you need something?" he asked effectively dismissing her.

She shook her head and went back to her office more confused than ever. He was so open and talking freely just yesterday and now she couldn't pry more than a few words out of him at a time. Things had not gotten any better by the time of the show.

Mackenzie lost count of the amount of times Will stumbled over his lines or mispronounced something during the show that evening and afterwards she abandoned her usual five minutes with the technical guys and made her way straight towards his office. Being off or rude to her or the staff was one thing but the show suffering was completely another and Mac wasn't going to put up with it. Whatever was wrong with him or whatever she had done wrong yesterday was going to be sorted out before it got way out of hand.

Mac didn't make it as far as his office when she saw him stalking towards the elevators still dressed in his suit.

"Will," she shouted trying to get his attention but he didn't appear to hear her. He kept his head down and marched straight ahead.

"Will, we need to talk about this," Mac shouted and this time Will turned towards her and simply shook his head.

"Will, wait."

Mac almost ran towards the elevator and just about caught him as the doors were closing.

"What the hell's the matter with you?" Mac demanded as she shoved her hand in between the doors to stop them closing, "You don't even say good night these days?"

For a moment, just a moment, Mackenzie was certain Will was about to say something. He looked up from the spot on the floor he was studying and opened his mouth but as quickly as he'd opened his mouth he shut it again.

"Billy? What's the matter? You know you can talk to me," Mac said quietly, tenderly, trying to remind him that just yesterday they seemed to be able to talk about anything.

"Sorry," Will whispered a moment or two later, his eyes filled with sorrow and his face showing the picture of a man crestfallen, "goodnight Mac."

Mac shook her head and removed her arm from the elevators doors allowing them to immediately close. She knew there was no reason pushing him when he was like this, pushing him would just make him shut down even more, if that was possible. "Goodnight," Mac repeated a few seconds later to the closed doors as she watched the little lights on the elevator tell her Will had reached the ground floor. She trudged back to her office and decided to bury her head in paperwork for the next hour or so, anything to save going home alone once again and anything to take her mind off what had happened with Will today.

"Shouldn't you be out enjoying yourself at this time of night rather than working?"

Mac looked up and saw Charlie leaning against the doorframe looking as charming as ever in his purple and green bow tie. She snuck a quick look at the clock above his head and noticed a good couple of hours had passed since the show had finished.

"Are you even working?" Charlie asked with a sparkle in his eyes, "You looked like you were staring at the same spot on the carpet for the last couple of minutes from where I was standing."

Mac giggled and dropped her pen on the table, "Uh-oh, busted, eh?"

This time Charlie laughed and strolled across to Mac's desk and leaned against the side, "What's wrong with our boy then?"

"It's that obvious?"

"Well, put it this way, he's grumpy as hell, snapping at anyone that dares look in his direction, the show wasn't the best it's been Mac, and that's putting it mildly and then you're sitting here late at night looking like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders, so yes, it's that obvious. Only Will gets you looking like that Mackenzie."

"The man drives me nuts Charlie, it's days like today when I think I'd much prefer to be back doing my job from a cave in Afghanistan."

Charlie chuckled and handed Mac a mug from behind his back, "Here kiddo, join me in a little drink. It helps you know, especially when it comes to the mind of Will McAvoy!"

"Charlie Skinner, you're way too crafty at times!" Mac giggled as she took the mug and immediately gulped back a mouthful of bourbon, "although I'm not sure anything can help when it comes to Will and his troubled mind. Believe me, I know more than most how to deal with his moods and even I'm stumped today."

Charlie smiled and sat himself in the chair opposite Mac, "The thing with Will is he's not shouting today. When he's mad, when someone's pissed him off then we all know about it. He rants, he roars he generally lets the whole building know that something's wrong but he's hardly said a word to anyone today Mac, anyone."

Mac stood up and wandered over to the window realizing Charlie had a point and that she should have seen that earlier. When Will shut down like he did at the elevators it usually meant it had to be something personal and of course the only personal problems Will had at the moment all revolved around her or so Mac thought.

"We had the most lovely day yesterday," Mac muttered as she rested her forehead on the glass window, "I really thought everything would be moving forward from today and then when I get in he can hardly bring himself to say good morning. God, it's like one tiny step forwards and five gigantic steps backwards with him at times."

Mac hadn't heard Charlie move from his chair but she suddenly felt a friendly arm wrap around her shoulder, "He doesn't mean to be like that Mac, you know that right?"

"I know but it's so bloody frustrating Charlie."

"When you've lived fifty years of not being able to open up to anyone simply because you have no one to open up to it must be hard to just simply tell everyone your troubles."

"He used to be able to tell me anything," Mac whispered, as she felt a tear creep out of her eye and roll down her cheek. She wiped it away furious with herself for even letting that happen and stepped out of Charlie's arm, "But I suppose I ruined all that when I..."

She didn't finish her sentence, she briefly looked at Charlie before shaking her head and making her way back over towards her desk.

"I should be heading home," she muttered suddenly feeling the need to be alone in her apartment, she couldn't hold these tears in much longer and she had always refused to cry in front of anyone else.

"Be patient with him kiddo," Charlie said, realizing this conversation had come to an end, "You know he'll talk to you when he's ready."

"I just hate seeing him hurting like this. I want to fix whatever it is, I want to make it all better for him."

Charlie nodded, understanding exactly what Mac was trying to say. He leaned forward and pressed the softest of kisses to her cheek and then made his way to her office door.

"Go home and sleep Mac, everything will seem better in the morning."

And with that Charlie was gone, leaving Mac standing alone and confused in her office wondering just how the hell she was meant to sleep with Will filling her head with worries.

Walking home that evening Mac wracked her brain and went over every single detail of their day yesterday. She tried to figure if she'd said something wrong, if she'd done something to upset him but as hard as she tried she couldn't come up with anything. From the moment they'd stepped foot outside of his apartment to go to the Met until the moment he'd said goodnight, his spirits seemed to have improved so much from earlier in the day. When Mac had suggested going out to take his mind of things she'd never hoped that it would work as well as it had and that's what was confusing her so much. Will had seemed to thoroughly enjoy the day and had not even once had that distant, far-away look in his eyes that he'd had earlier when talking about his parents.

For once, Charlie had been wrong, things weren't any better after sleep, in fact things seemed to get worse. The next three days seemed to go exactly the same way for Will and Mackenzie, and by Thursday night Mac had just about had enough of the situation. She had been patient, friendly, co-operative, understanding, thoughtful, considerate, generally treading on eggshells around Will but his mood hadn't improved one little bit. He was moody, hardly said a word through the pitch meetings and although he seemed to have got his act together in front of the camera, Mac had run out of patience on a personal level.

This time she was determined to get to him before he could leave the building so she crept out of the control booth two minutes before the show ended and was waiting for him in his office after the show.

Will looked shocked to see her standing there but still he offered no words to her.

"I thought we'd gotten past all this Will," Mac said sharply as Will pulled off his tie and threw it onto the sofa.

"Gotten past what?" Will answered, his sharp tone matching hers. "All the moods and the not talking to each other, I thought we were friends, Will."

Will didn't say anything for a moment or two but then he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, "we are friends."

"I don't think so Will, not this week. Friends don't ignore each other all week, friends don't shut off completely when something's wrong and that's been happening since Monday morning. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Mac, nothing's wrong," Will lied, picking up his brief case and shoving a file inside, obviously desperate to get away from the office, "I'm just tired."

"Bullshit," Mac shouted starting to lose her patience with him, "Please don't lie to me Will, I thought we were going to be straight with each other from now on."

Will slammed his file down onto the desk and stared at Mackenzie. She didn't and couldn't understand his frustrations he was certain of that. She didn't know he was desperate to tell her, to let her make it all better but he couldn't. He didn't know why he found it so difficult at times to open up to her, especially after Sunday but he just did and that frustrated him more than he could put into words. God he hated himself when he was like this, obviously hurting her, shutting her out when she practically the only person in the world that actually cared about him. He took a deep breath as if to say something and then let it all out in one go.

Mac watched the confusion spread all over his features and took a step towards him, her heart beating wildly in her chest, "is it me? Did I do something wrong is that it? Did I do something to upset you on Sunday?"

Mackenzie's voice sounded strong but she was terrified of his answer, terrified to hear that she may have screwed things up between them without even knowing. Will's face softened immediately and within three seconds he had rounded the desk and placed his arms on her shoulders holding her still.

"Mac, don't even think like that," Will whispered, his voice soft and tender for the first time all week, "Sunday was amazing, it helped more than you can ever know."

Mac let out the breath she'd been holding, relief spreading through her whole body, "Then what's the matter Will? I hate seeing you like this."

"I can't...I can't say anything Mac but I swear it's nothing to do with you, do you hear me?"

Mac nodded and raised her hand to stroke his cheek. "Let me help Will, if you're in some kind of trouble, whatever is wrong I can help, even if it's just talking things through, please let me help."

Will felt his resolve all but disappear as he stood and gazed into her eyes, there was something about her face at times, about the look in her eyes, the tone in her voice, about the feeling of her fingers stroking his cheek that made it impossible to deny her anything.

"I can't Mac, not here."

"Then let's go to your apartment and talk. Please let me help. I hate seeing you so upset."

He stared at her for a moment, trying to decide how he wanted this to play out. She was the only person he wanted to help him with this. This wasn't something that Charlie could fix. He knew that Charlie would do anything he could for him but he needed the support of one particular person but asking her for her support seemed so inappropriate when he couldn't open up to her and move them forward. She was always there for him, personally and professionally. He wouldn't have made it through mother's day without her. She made him better, in every way. Was he ready to share this latest bit with her?

"Okay, let me change and we'll go to my apartment and talk," he said.

"I'll get my things while you change."

He instantly missed her hand on his cheek. Maybe opening up to her about the phone call he'd received from his aunt could be a part of the healing process for him so that he could tell her how he really felt and start to move them forward.

She was sitting in one of his guest chairs when he came out of the bathroom. "Lonny's waiting out by the elevator," Will said. Mac got up and waited for him to get his coat and briefcase. They walked toward the elevator together with his hand resting on her back.


	2. Chapter 2

Will was quiet on the way home while Mac made small talk with Lonny. They both said goodnight to Lonny and walked into Will's apartment building. Will was being very quiet and keeping to himself. Once they were on the elevator she placed her hand on his lower back and rubbed gently. He turned his head and smiled at her. When they reached his floor he offered to take her things and put them with his.

"Do you want some wine, or anything?" he offered.

"It doesn't seem like a wine night, more like scotch," she said.

"You're right," he said. He grabbed them each a glass and the bottle of scotch and took them over to the couch. "Join me?"

She sat close to him and took the drink he offered. She took a sip and watched him swallow all of his at once. She usually could hold her own with him where alcohol was concerned but somehow she didn't think she'd be able to keep up tonight. She turned toward him and said, "will you tell me?"

He got up off the couch and began pacing around the room, not talking at all. He was very focused on his pacing and didn't see her step in front of him. She placed her hands on his cheeks and pulled his head to rest against hers. "I'm here for whatever you need, Billy."

He squeezed his eyes shut when he heard her call him Billy. "Would it help if I ask you questions?"

He shook his head. "How can I help?" she asked taking his hands and pulling him back to the couch.

"This is so not fair to you," he whispered.

"Hey, Billy," she said, making him look at her. "I'm here of my own free will. I want to help you, please let me."

"I talked to my aunt after I got home on mother's day."

"Is she all right?" Mac asked.

He nodded. "She'd had a call from a cousin of my father, and..."

She saw him struggling and sat closer to him and put her arm around his back and began rubbing gently. "And what?"

"My father wants to see me. He's very ill and he's asking to see me."

"Did you know he was still alive?" she asked.

"I didn't know for sure," he said. He was holding onto Mac's hand very tightly and she saw the tears in his eyes.

"Where is he?"

"A hospice facility in Lincoln."

She pulled him to her shoulder, holding him tight while he cried. He'd let go of her hand and was holding her tight against himself, her arms were around his neck and her hand was at the base of his neck, trying to sooth him. He'd been dealing with this on his own for far too long. She was thankful that he finally let her in. After a few minutes he stopped crying and was simply holding onto her. She felt him ease back and loosen his hold on her. He tried to get up but she wouldn't let him slip away.

"Are you going to see him?"

"Not, do you want to see him?" he said.

"I know the answer to that one."

"I don't know. Why now?"

"He's dying and he's trying to get things in order. Did he ask to see your siblings?"

He shook his head. "Only me. I've not seen him in forty years; what could he possibly want to tell me now? Let alone, he walked out and left us, why should I even entertain the thought of his request." He pulled away from her and was up pacing again, getting madder by the second. "Fuck, Kenz," he said and threw the glass he was holding, watching it shatter against the wall.

She'd seen his temper before it didn't bother her. She got up from the couch and walked to where he was standing, his fists clenched. She took one of his hands in hers and unclenched his fist. "Will you listen to me a minute?" she asked looking up at him. He nodded his head. "You have absolutely no reason to want to see him, but I want you to think about something, what if he wants to explain all the whys to you? If you don't want to do this for him, and I completely understand why you don't want to do this for him, do this for yourself. Take the opportunity to see him and ask him all the questions you always wanted answered. This is going to be your last opportunity and due to his declining health you may just get every answer you want. Think about that for me, okay? I'm going to clean up the glass and I'd like you to go get some air on the balcony and once I've gotten the glass cleaned up we can talk some more."

"Okay," he said and went out to the balcony.

Mac found the broom and a dustpan and cleaned up the broken glass and then joined him on the balcony. He was leaning on the railing, his head down on his arms just like on mother's day. She stood beside him and placed her hand on his lower back and rubbed gently.

He stood up and said, "you made a good argument. If I go, I have to go soon."

She didn't know if she was overstepping or not but decided to go for it, the worst he could say was no. "Would you like me to go with you?"

His eyes immediately locked with hers. He wasn't sure he heard her correctly. "I can't ask you to do that, Kenz."

"You didn't, I offered," she said. "Or do you want to go alone? If you want to go alone, please tell me. "

If she went with him he might actually be able to see his father. This was so unfair to her. She was committed to him even though they'd not spoken about anything concerning them as a couple. She was in all the way with him. That blew him away. She was ready to fly with him to Nebraska and hold his hand simply because she cared about him. If he was being honest with himself he knew she loved him and he loved her, but was that enough?

He pulled her into his arms and held her, rubbing her back. She knew he was considering her offer of going with him to Nebraska. She wasn't going to push but she hoped he'd decide to go and speak to his father and grant the man his dying wish and she hoped that Will would let her go along. She wasn't sure he was ready for her to be that close, but again, the worst he could say was no and they'd be in the exact same place as now.

"You really want to go with me?" he asked.

"If you'll let me. It's okay to say no, I won't be offended. Are you going to go?"

"I think so, if only to ask the questions I've never had answers for and he may not tell me, but at least I'll be able to ask. I'm not sure I can do this alone, Kenz."

"You don't have to do it alone. Will you let me go with you?"

He pushed her back enough so he could see her face. He could see the hope in her eyes. "Let me help you."

"Kenz, this is so unfair to you."

"You keep saying that to me but I'm here out of my own free will. You aren't making me be here with you and you aren't making me go to Nebraska, I want to be with you and help you any way I can."

"That's not what I meant," he said.

"What did you mean?"

"You're here with me being supportive and being what I need when I've given you no reason to be. I'm being selfish and it's not fair to you."

She finally understood what he meant and pulled away from him. "How about this, how about I want to help my best friend through what's going to be a tough few days, does that work better for you?"

He didn't understand why she was mad, or maybe it was that she was being defensive. "I get that you don't trust me on a personal level, I've not earned that, maybe I won't ever earn that in your eyes but I know how to help you."

He wanted to tell her that she was so wrong, but he just couldn't yet. He did think he was making some progress but not enough, yet.

"So, are you going to let me help?"

He stared at her for a moment and finally said, "yes. I'll talk to Charlie and get us a few days off and make travel arrangements.

Mac let out the breath she'd been holding, relieved that Will was finally agreeing to her help but there was still something in his eyes that told her just how terrified he was by the whole situation. Without her even realizing, Mac's hands automatically reached for his shoulders in an attempt to relax him a little.

"Hey, how about you have a chat with Charlie and I'll get to work on the travel arrangements?" Mac said very quietly, her soft and gentle voice sounding so soothing to Will's aching head, "Sound like a plan?"

Will nodded, trying so hard to be brave about the whole situation but failing badly. He knew Mac could probably see right through his bravado and for the second time that week he marveled at the constant friendship she provided for him these days. She had no reason to look after him like she did but here she was still smiling her most beautiful smile, sounding so calm and so confident just in an attempt to ease his worries. He truly didn't deserve her at times he knew that for certain.

"Are you really sure about this Mac?" Will whispered shyly, giving her one final chance to opt out of the whole trip but Will already knew her answer by the time the words has left his lips.

"Of course I'm sure, I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to help would I?" Mac replied, her cool hands slowly sliding down his arms and finding their way into Will's clammy ones. "Now, I don't want to hear any more 'are you sure' or any more 'thank yous' you understand? Friends don't have to thank friends for being there for them. Okay?"

"Okay," Will whispered as he stared down at their hands joined together.

Will instantly felt as if the enormous burden he'd been carrying around all week had been lifted from his shoulders in just a single minute. Yes, he still had a dreaded fear hanging over him with regard to the possibility of seeing his father after all these years but just knowing that Mackenzie would be by his side made the task ahead seem just a little bit more manageable, almost like he had a little guardian angel standing by his side all week.

She'd always been like that to him though in his mind, she'd always kept him on an even keel and there were times, like now, when Will felt he was almost indestructible when Mac was with him and smiling up at him like this. But still those moments were followed all too frequently by flashbacks of his beloved Mackenzie in the arms of Brian Brenner, a vision that could still make him feel physically sick some days and angry as hell on others. If he was honest though, those flashbacks were getting less and less frequent and moments like the last couple of minutes convinced Will that he had to somehow get over the past or risk losing that smile forever.

"Call Charlie," Mac whispered as she squeezed Will's hands to get his attention back, "he's been worried about his cranky old newsman the last couple of days!"

"Hey, less of the old!" Will chuckled and reluctantly pulled his hands from Mackenzie's, immediately missing the warmth and comfort that just her hand had bought him for a few precious seconds.

Mac watched as Will walked inside and picked up his mobile and made his way back onto the balcony. She made her way inside and she could see how tense he was just by the way he was standing and pacing back and forth as he spoke to Charlie. She wondered for what must have been the hundredth time that week just why he kept so much locked inside of him instead of confiding in the few good friends he had.

She had no idea how she would do it, but Mackenzie swore to herself there and then that she would get him back to the Will he used to be while they were dating. That Will would have come to her in an instant when he'd heard his news, he would have asked her advice two minutes after getting the call rather than holding it all inside for so long causing himself to suffer so much.

When Will walked back into the apartment a few minutes later the scene before him almost took his breath away. For a moment he was taken back a few years as he saw Mackenzie sitting cross legged in the middle of his apartment floor, a glass of scotch in hand, tapping away on his laptop with her treasured pad and pen sitting by her side. For a moment it was almost as if nothing had changed at all as she picked up her pen and scribbled something onto the pad.

"Charlie says we're fine to take whatever leave we need," Will said as he poured himself another scotch and sat down on the sofa just a couple of feet away from where Mac was hard at work.

"Great," Mac said looking up briefly at Will, "I've found flights into Nebraska leaving JFK tomorrow lunch time, sound okay to you?" Will nodded and let out a deep breath, worry clearly taking over his face again.

"You okay?" Mac asked but only received a half smile as an answer. "Will?" Mac whispered but he flopped back against the chair and let out an enormous sigh.

"Talk to me," Mac pleaded as Will shut his eyes tightly and started to massage his own temples.

"I don't think I can do this Mac," Will finally answered a couple of seconds later, opening his eyes and sitting forward again, "Jesus, I hate him Mac, I only have to think about him for sixty seconds and I hate him so very much. How the hell am I suddenly supposed to forget everything that's happened?"

"No one expects you to forget everything that happened but hopefully you'll be able to sit down for a few minutes and let him say what he wants to say to you."

"I feel like I'm a kid again and want to smash that bottle over his head."

"Hey, it only has to be a couple of minutes Will, that's all. You can do that, I know you can."

"I'm scared. I'm scared I'm finally going to tell him all I've ever wanted to Mac and surely that's not right when a man's dying?"

Mac got up from the floor and crawled the couple of feet until she was by Will's feet. She hauled herself up and knelt next to him with her hands resting on his knees. "You don't ever have to feel you're in the wrong with him Will," Mac said rubbing her thumb across his kneecap. "I get that you're scared but you've done nothing wrong in this whole situation you hear me?"

"So why do I feel like the bad guy here Mackenzie? I just can't see me going through with it, I'm not sure I want to make a horrendous situation ten times worse and then what happens? He gets the easy option out because he isn't going to be here much longer and I have to put up with all the shit in my head for the rest of my life."

"Or you could talk to him and he can ease your mind maybe? He can't take back what happened Will but he can answer your questions, some of them anyway."

Will had always loved Mac's optimism. It had always amazed him that she had this constant belief that there was always a sunny side to every situation but on this occasion he couldn't agree with her. "You don't know him Mac, it won't work out that way."

"You don't know that Will, anyone can change, anyone can realize their mistakes," Mac whispered, trying her best to convince Will that this could work. Mackenzie had to admit to herself that in a way she did see his point but she was also desperate for him to at least think about seeing his father just in case it could do some good.

"Look," Mackenzie said, finally reaching a decision, "let's head out to Nebraska anyway, if you decide when you get there that you truly can't go through with it then you don't have to. We can pass a couple of days sightseeing."

"Sightseeing? We're talking about Nebraska Mac, there's really not whole lot of sights to see!"

"Well, you can show me all your old haunts, I can see where my cranky anchor-man spent his youth, and it'll be fun."

"You worry me sometimes with your ideas of fun," Will chuckled and nodded his head realizing Mac was probably right, as per usual these days, "Okay. Book it."

Mac winked at Will before she scuttled back to the laptop, "You'll be fine Billy, try not to worry too much tonight, it'll be okay, I promise."

"What can possibly go wrong?" Will muttered to himself as he reached for the bottle of scotch on the coffee table and refilled his glass. "Top up?" Will asked trying his best to sound confident for Mackenzie as she began to tap on the keyboard once again.

"You trying to get me drunk, McAvoy?" Mac giggled as she reached onto the coffee table for his wallet. She flipped the wallet open looking for a credit card and smiled up at Will, "you're treating me though mister!" Mac said waving his Amex card in the air.

"Sounds fair enough," Will said as he reached down and topped Mac's glass up just as her stomach growled with hunger. Mac giggled but Will shook his head, suddenly looking serious, "when was the last time you actually ate something Mackenzie?"

"Err, breakfast," she muttered quietly, knowing that Will was more than likely about to turn into the food police and tell her off for her lack of nourishment throughout the day.

"And I bet that was just a few nuts and seeds and a yogurt right?"

Will didn't wait for an answer as he stood and marched straight to the kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator, "Pasta sound okay?"

"Will, really, I'm fine," Mac called from her spot on the floor but she already knew she was about to be ignored.

And ignored she was! Will pulled out a bag of fresh pasta and a some vegetables and set to work straight away chopping peppers and onions and a couple of fresh chilies remembering just how Mac loved her spicy pasta sauces.

"Really Will, you don't have to go to so much trouble," Mac said as she wandered over to Will.

"No trouble at all," Will answered, finally feeling like he could actually do something to repay her friendship tonight, even if it was just fixing a quick late night meal for them both.

"All booked by the way, we need to leave here about ten in the morning," Mac said, pulling out one of the tall kitchen stools she always used to perch on when she watched him putter in the kitchen. Will nodded but didn't answer. Already his mind seemed to be miles away but Mac understood that, it was only natural after what he'd been through this week.

"Hey, you want to watch a movie?" Will asked as he put a pot of water onto boil for their pasta, "I'll even let you choose which one, so long as it's not one of your romantic girly films!"

Mac shook her head, they'd never really had the same tastes in movies what with Will loving his musicals and Mac loving her chick flicks but that hadn't stopped them spending many a cozy night in the past snuggled together on the sofa. "Billy, you can't say you can choose and then tell me what I can't pick," Mac giggled, doing her best to lighten the evening up somehow, "Anyway, I bet you don't even have a single chick flick in the apartment and we're not watching a musical, believe me!"

Will almost regretted what he was about to say before he said it but he really did want her to hang around as long as possible and watching a movie with her was better than talking for the rest of the night in his opinion. He nodded towards the sideboard and shook his head, "Left hand door, second shelf down, there are all of your old DVDs."

Mac actually heard herself gasp in shock but she was met with a smiling Will chuckling to himself. She jumped up and in a less than ten seconds she found herself kneeling on the floor pulling out a big pile of DVDs that she hadn't seen in years.

Mac decided on the movie, "When Harry Met Sally" and sat it on the coffee table for them to watch as they ate dinner. She walked back into the kitchen smiling.

"Did you find us something to watch?"

"I did, and I think you'll like my choice," she said.

"Are you going to tell me?"

"When Harry Met Sally," she said smiling.

"Billy Crystal, good choice. Dinner is almost ready, we are waiting on the pasta to cook and by the time it cooks, the vegetables will be ready. Would you like some wine?"

"That would be lovely, may I take a look?" she asked motioning to his wine closet.

"Certainly, your choice."

She smiled at him and got off the stool and went in search of the perfect wine to have with their dinner. After a few minutes of looking at various bottles, she came back with a pinot noir and placed it on the island and walked over to the drawer where the wine opener, a fancy one that uses air pressure to open the bottle, was located. She opened the bottle and grabbed two wine glasses from the shelf and poured each of them some wine.

He was watching her move around the kitchen. She knew where everything was at and it made him think about how much she really belonged in this kitchen. Not cooking, that was for sure, but hanging out with him while he cooked. She belonged not only in the kitchen but in the apartment, too. He loved living with her. They were together constantly and really enjoyed being together, both at home and work and it wasn't ever too much togetherness. They made the other better and he'd not ever found anyone he wanted to spend that much time with anyone other than Mac.

The kitchen timer interrupted Will's deep thoughts about Mackenzie. He was thankful, as he still didn't know how to move past her cheating on him. He wanted to and he needed to find a way to do so because at this point all they were doing was to deny each other the happiness they craved from each other. Will plated their pasta and vegetables and carried their plates to the living room with Mac trailing behind, carrying their wine.

They began eating and Mac loved the dish he created for them. "This is great, Will. Thanks for cooking."

"You're welcome. Shall I start the movie?"

"Yes, please." He came back to the couch from putting on the movie and sat very close to her and placed his arm around her, but on the back of the couch. She scooted down, making herself more comfortable. She'd missed being with Will like this, relaxed and enjoying being with the other.

About half way through the movie Will looked over and Mac had fallen asleep. He pulled her down so she could rest her head in his lap and helped put her legs on the couch. He wanted nothing more than to pick her up and carry her to his bed. Yes, he would have enjoyed having her awake and in his bed, but he loved watching her sleep, too. It was the one time she was truly still. Instead of carrying her to the bedroom he stayed on the couch with her, resting his head back against the back of the couch.

The DVD player turning itself off woke them both. She sat up and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"No worries," he replied, rubbing his eyes. "We both need some sleep if we are to get up early and get to the airport on time. Plus we've got to pack."

She stretched and said, "I'll be over in the morning and we can leave from here with Lonny, if that's all right with you."

"That's fine."

"What's the weather like this time of year in Lincoln?" she asked.

"It's nice, not too hot and not too cold, it's just right," he teased.

"Seriously, you're giving me "The Three Bears?"

He smiled and said, "it's the truth, though. In the 60s during the day and just a little cooler than that at night, maybe low 50s."

"Okay, I need to go pack. We need to leave here at ten, I'll be here by then," she said getting up and taking their plates into the kitchen. "Thank you for dinner," she said as she walked back into the living room. "Do you need any help packing?" she offered.

He really wanted her to stay with him longer but she needed to pack, too. "I've got it, thank you, though. Are you okay getting home? I don't mind to go with you, make sure you get there okay."

She was touched. "I'll be fine," she said, touching his arm. "Come on, walk me out."

He placed his hand on her lower back and together they walked to the elevator. He pressed the button and together they waited. When the door finally opened he kissed her cheek and said, "thank you for coming over and talking. I'll see you in a few hours. Please call or text me when you get home."

"I promise," she said to him as the elevator door closed.

He so wished that she wasn't leaving and that she didn't ever have to leave, as this would be her home. These thoughts were invading his head more and more now, it was time to decide what he wanted and make that happen.


	3. Chapter 3

Just before ten the next morning Will's doorman called up to let him know that Mac had arrived. Will asked that she be sent upstairs. He was waiting by the elevator for her.

"Good morning," Will said as the door opened on the elevator.

She smiled, but she looked tired. "Good morning. Are you all packed and ready?" she asked as she got off the elevator.

"I am. Are you okay," he asked placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Yes. I woke up late and didn't have time to make coffee. I'll grab some at the airport."

"Come on in the kitchen, we've got a few minutes and there's still coffee in the pot."

She had a huge smile on her face and said, "you're the best."

If everything between them was so easily fixed, he thought to himself. He poured her a big cup and added the cream he knew she liked and handed it to her.

"Thanks." She took a sip and visibly relaxed. "This is great."

"You're welcome."

"Are you ready to do this?" she asked.

"I guess. I'm nervous and anxious and I don't know what to expect."

"I want you to promise me something."

"What?" he asked.

"You'll tell me what you need and what's going on in your head. I can tell when you're anxious or nervous but I need to know how to help you deal with what's going on in your head. As much as I'd like to be privy to what goes on in your head, it's not possible. For me to help you, you have to let me by telling me what's going on. Does that make sense?"

He was hesitant and she knew he would be. Finally, he said, "I'll try, okay. That's as much as I can promise."

She laid her hand on his arm and said, "thank you. All I want you to do is to try. I'm going to be right there for it all and anything you need, okay?"

He nodded. "Bring your coffee and let's go find Lonny; we need to leave for the airport."

They were all sitting in first class. Mac and Will were sitting together and Lonny was a couple of rows back by himself. The closer they got to Lincoln the more anxious Will was becoming. She could feel how anxious he was becoming and she needed to get him talking some.

"Where are we going first, when we land?" she asked.

"I'd like to see my aunt and find out what she's been able to find out about my father."

"And then?"

"I guess we're going to go see him."

"Do you want me in the room with you when you see him?" Mac asked.

He thought about that and he honestly wasn't sure. "Can we see how it feels?"

"Of course," she said rubbing his arm. "Whatever you need."

All he wanted to do was to say, I need you, to her, but he couldn't do it, but his need of her was starting to outweigh any picture of her and Brian in his head, so he simply nodded.

Will jumped when the wheels hit the tarmac and she took his hand in hers. "It's okay."

They got their luggage and rental vehicle and Lonny drove them to Will's aunt's house and remained in the car. Will had called his aunt after Mac had left his apartment last night to let her know he was coming and was going to try to see his father and honor his wishes.

A small white haired woman answered the door and Mac saw Will smile like she'd never seen before. He easily went into the woman's arms and hugged her.

Mac watched for a full minute as Will held onto the old woman in his arms as if his life depended on it. It was one of those moments in life where it could have or should have felt awkward for the on-looker but for Mackenzie it didn't, she watched on in awe of the love that these two so obviously shared even though they hadn't seen each other for a number of years.

Over the years, Mac hadn't heard many stories from Will regarding his family but the odd tale he'd told of his youth always seemed to include the woman in his arms and Mac could see why, he certainly did have a soft spot for her and she for him by the looks of things.

After a minute or so it was Will's Aunt who ended the hug. She pulled away slightly but kept a tight hold of Will's hands, the smile on her face not fading one little bit. A moment later, her eyes wandered over to Mackenzie standing, smiling on the porch and she soon pulled at her nephews arm.

"Where are your manners Will?" she chuckled, "you bring a beautiful woman to my front door and you don't even introduce us?"

Will laughed knowing that he was being teased at the same time being told off. He let go of one of his aunt's hands and reached around for Mackenzie's instead.

"Mackenzie, this is my Aunt Iris, Iris this is…."

"Ah, your Mackenzie?" Iris finished for him, the smile on her face growing ever wider, "Finally I get to meet you, I've heard so much about you Miss Mackenzie."

Mac stepped forward, pulling her hand from Will's and went to shake the old lady's hand, "It really is lovely to meet you Iris," Mac whispered, just as she was pulled into a hug herself by the old woman.

"You're the young lady that keeps my boy here in line." Iris said with a twinkle in her eye a moment or two later.

"Well, she likes to think she does." Will chirped, dropping Mac a cheeky wink and watching with pride as Iris put her arm around Mac's back and led her into the house leaving Will standing on the front porch all alone.

Will stood for a moment watching the two women make their way up the hallway chattering away as if they were old friends and then he turned and took a long look up and down the street he once knew so well. Nothing seemed to have changed; life in Nebraska seemed to be exactly as he'd left it thirty years ago.

If he closed his eyes and thought hard enough Will could almost remember all the hundreds of times he'd ridden his bike up this road, always desperate to get away from home and always choosing his aunt to visit. The young Will McAvoy hadn't had many good friends as a child, he'd never really allowed anyone to get close enough, so whenever he'd needed an escape from home life, Aunt Iris would always be his first port of call and many, many times she'd turned out to be his savior.

Will had adored her as a child, truly adored her. She was his father's youngest sister and was only twenty-two years older than Will so when he was growing up she was still pretty young. She was the cool aunt, the good looking aunt that as a teenager you could almost have a crush on kind of thing but to Will she was always more than that, she seemed to understand him in ways his own parents never had. He'd be able to tell her pretty much anything and she'd never judge, she'd never try to talk about events at home if Will didn't want to, she was always there with a welcoming smile, a big hug and a kiss for his cheek.

Iris had never married and never had any kids and now, probably thirty years after he should have done, Will suddenly wondered why he had never asked why. For as long as he could remember Iris had lived here alone and as a young boy Will used to look forward to coming to this house more than anything else – especially those days after school when his parents weren't home. She'd make him homemade lemonade and bake him his favorite cookies while he did his homework, she'd take him to the movies on a Saturday afternoon when things were particularly bad at home and for most of his childhood Will had treated her as if she were a second mother to him.

But she was oh so different from the mother he had at home. Iris would wipe his tears away when Will would inexplicably start to cry over his parents latest arguments, something his own mother had hardly ever done and she would always, always somehow make him laugh, in fact he couldn't ever remember a time when he'd left this house without a smile on his face even when he was terrified of what awaited him two streets away at home. In fact the more Will had thought about things over the years the more Iris had almost seemed like a guardian angel at times, filling in the gaps her brother and sister-in-law had created for their children through their tempestuous relationship.

Will felt a hand land gently on the small of his back and instantly knew it was Mackenzie. He hadn't heard her come back out onto the porch.

"Hey, you okay?"

Will smiled and leaned into her slightly, wishing for a moment they were alone somewhere, he'd do anything to have her hold him in her arms right now. Somehow that always seemed to make him feel better these days, a fact Will was coming to realize more and more.

"Will?" Mac whispered, concern showing in every feature on her face.

"It just brings it all back, just standing here brings it all back," Will said softly and shoved his hands deep in his pockets, "too many memories."

"You want to go somewhere and talk about it?" Mac asked, still rubbing the small of his back gently.

Will had to admit he was tempted, especially when he remembered his promise of earlier to let Mackenzie help, but then he thought of his aunt and how pleased she was to see him and he knew that his personal thoughts had to wait to later. Will shook his head and smiled at Mac hoping she'd understand, "Maybe later?"

"Okay." Mac replied, wrapping her arm around his waist and squeezing gently. For a moment they both stood watching Lincoln life pass them by until Mac nudged Will's arm gently.

"Come on, let's head inside," Mac said, nodding her head towards the house, "apparently I've got lots to hear about you as a young boy!"

"Great!" Will muttered sarcastically but secretly he was overjoyed that Mackenzie and Iris had hit it off so well already. If he couldn't introduce the love of his life to his own mother then Aunt Iris was most definitely the next best thing.

Will took a step towards the door before the enormity of that thought hit him, had he just thought the love of his life? He instantly shook his head and tried to clear his thoughts. That was the last thing he needed to be thinking about on a day like today, there would be plenty of time for that later, right now he had to concentrate on getting through the next few hours.

Sighing gently, Will led the way indoors and into the kitchen where he knew Iris would be waiting for them and tried to push all thoughts of his father away for the time being. He hadn't seen his favorite aunt in far too long and he was determined to have some time with her before he had to face the reasons of why he was here.

As he strolled along the hallway with his hand resting gently on Mac's back a heavenly smell invaded his nostrils bringing back a memory from long, long ago.

"Oh my goodness Mac, If I'm not mistaken you are about to taste the best cookies in all of America," Will chuckled as they entered the kitchen.

He left Mac at the kitchen door and headed straight over to the oven taking a sneaky look inside and quickly getting his knuckles rapped by his aunt.

"You know they won't cook properly if you peek inside," Iris chuckled with a special wink for her nephew, the two of them sharing a joke from many years ago. "Come and sit down both of you, I'll pour us some lemonade and you can tell me all about your lives in the big city."

Mac and Will sat next to each other at Iris' kitchen table. The second that Will sat down he began thinking of all of the times he sat at this very table. "I used to sit here and do my homework," he told Mac.

"And get lemonade and cookies," Iris added. "Don't you let this one fool you Mackenzie with those blue eyes," she teased.

"I'd never," Will started to defend himself, and finally said, "okay, I would but there'd usually be a really good reason."

Iris smiled at him knowing all his tricks. The kitchen timer went off and Iris got up to take the cookies out of the oven.

"Are you married, Iris?" Mac asked.

"No, honey, I never married or had kids of my own. My nieces and nephews kept me plenty busy, especially this one right here," Iris said placing her hand on Will's shoulder and kissing his head.

Will wanted Mac to understand how important Iris was to him and said, "this was my safe place and when I just couldn't be at home, I was here. I think there were weeks when I spent more time here than anywhere else."

Under the table Mac reached for Will's hand and smiled at him when she felt him squeeze her hand.

"I'd bet Iris has some good stories I need to hear," Mac teased.

"Stories and pictures," Iris added placing a plate of cookies on the table. She then poured each of them a glass of lemonade.

"These look so good, Iris," Mac said. "They're really easy to make, I'll show you if you want."

Will laughed and then immediately stopped when Iris gave him a look. "I'm sorry, Iris, but you don't know Mac's track record in the kitchen, or you'd have never even offered."

"As much as I hate to admit it, he's right, Iris. I'm more likely to burn your kitchen down rather than successfully bake cookies." Mac turned to Will and asked, "is this where you learned to cook?"

Will smiled, remembering the times Iris had him stand on a stool and help her make something. Whatever she did and why didn't matter now because he turned out to be an excellent cook. "In this very kitchen. You don't want to even know how many things I burnt or destroyed but Iris kept me going until one day I was able to make cookies and we moved on from there. Iris is a great cook."

"Oh my God, these are incredible, Iris. There's what, chocolate chips, pecans, coconut and is that butterscotch chips I taste?"

"You've got a good palate, Mackenzie."

"I have no problem when it comes to tasting," she teased.

They all chatted and enjoyed the cookies and lemonade for a while and finally Will looked up at his aunt and asked, "have you seen him?"

Iris took Will's hand in hers and said, "I've not, honey. Are you going to go over there this afternoon?"

Will nodded and Mac took his other hand in hers, on top of the table this time. "Do you know why he wants to see me after all this time?"

"The only thing I know is that he's very ill and doesn't have long to live and he asked to see you. Please tell me you're going to let Mackenzie go with you?" Iris asked Will.

"I'll be right by his side, Iris, don't worry," Mac said. Will brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed the back.

"I couldn't do this without Mac," he said looking into her eyes.

"You don't have to, I'll be right there with you the entire time." Will nodded and turned to Iris. "Are you going to try to see him?"

"No, the last time I saw him I said everything I ever had to say to him and I have no regrets," Iris said.

Will nodded. "We should go to the hospice facility," he said to Mac. "I'd like to get this over with, you know?"

"I do know, Will," Mac said. "Thank you for the cookies and lemonade," Will said to his aunt.

"You are very welcome, my boy. I want you to listen to me and I don't care what my brother says to you, you are and always have been a fine man and that's something he had absolutely nothing to do with. You've made your way in this world and you've got both Mackenzie and I ready to help any way we can. You remember that, Will."

"Thank you. I'll come by either later today or tomorrow, okay?"

"You let me know how things go this afternoon," Iris said.

"I promise, Iris."

Lonny drove them to the hospice facility and once he'd parked Will simply remained seated.

Mac turned in the seat so she could face him and picked up one of his hands. "You hold all the cards here, Billy. You can walk away at any time, you need to remember that, okay?"

He nodded and when he looked over at her she could see how frightened he was.

"He can't hurt you. I won't let him hurt you, I promise. The first sign of trouble I'll have you out of there, okay?"

He nodded again. "If he asks me to leave the two of you alone, do you want me to leave the room?"

"No," he said quickly and shook his head.

"It's okay, that's what I needed to know. I won't leave you alone with him, Billy. I've got your back."

He nodded once more and opened the door and stepped out of the car. Mac followed him, standing as close as possible. Lonny remained in the car giving them some privacy for the meeting.

They'd asked at the information desk where Mr. McAvoy's room was located and they were told at the end of the hallway on the right.

The closer they got to the room the slower Will was walking. Mac's hand was on his lower back, caressing him gently, making sure he knew that she was right there with him. When they finally stood in front of the doorway and looked inside Will's father wasn't in the room.

"You looking for me," a voice said from behind them.

Mac and Will both turned and looked at the man that had caused so many problems for his son. Mac realized that she was looking at what Will would look like in another twenty years. The elder Mr. McAoy had white hair where Will's was still blond.

"I'm Mackenzie McHale," Mac said holding out her hand.

"I don't care who you are, get out of my way," he said rolling his wheelchair into his room.

Will took her hand and led her inside his room. "Why did you want to see me?" Will asked.

"Is that anyway to greet your father after nearly forty years?" The old man said, his voice gruff and his manner not at all endearing to either Will or Mackenzie.

"Was that anyway to speak to a lady," Will answered his eyes wide with anger already, "ah, but of course, you never did treat women with any kind of respect."

"You always were too soft William, it doesn't look like you've changed very much with age."

"I could say the same about you. The lady introduced herself, now I want you to show her some damn respect or I swear I'm out of here and whatever ideas you have to talk about can go to hell."

The older man shook his head and almost laughed, "you always were one for threatening things my boy, being a big TV star must make that even worse."

Mackenzie felt Will physically tense as his father called him boy and she started to wonder whether she'd made a mistake and pushed Will too hard to come here. She had been convinced yesterday that his father would have mellowed with age and illness but it was now pretty clear that he hadn't. Mackenzie watched feeling extremely tense, as the two men stared at each other, both waiting to see who would crack first.

For once, Mackenzie really couldn't tell what was going through Will 's mind, for a man that was just a few minutes ago nervous as hell he suddenly seemed so calm and confident and very much in control of the situation. As the silent stares continued she let her eyes wander over to Will's father and for the first time since she'd known him, she understood the deep hidden concerns Will always harbored about turning into his father. The similarities between them both really were uncanny.

If you looked from one to the other quickly enough they looked almost identical. Yes, obviously one was so much older than the other but really, forget the white hair and the wrinkles around the eyes of Mr. McAvoy, senior, and they could be twins. The solid jaw, the cheekbones and those blue, blue eyes that Mac lost herself in so often were truly identical between the two men. Even the steely, defiant stare between the two right now was the same but it seemed Will had had enough already.

"Fine." Will said firmly, reaching for Mac's hand and pulling her towards the door, "I didn't come here for this shit."

Will almost dragged Mac across the room muttering profanities the whole time.

"Wait," came the reply the moment Will reached for the door handle.

Will had no intention of stopping but Mac came to a halt and spun her head back towards the old man. He smiled gratefully and it was yet another look that she'd seen on Will's face many times before.

"Let's start again," he said, a hint of desperation showing in his weary eyes, "what did you say your name was Miss?"

Will still hadn't looked back and Mac had no idea what he intended to do. She squeezed his hand and looked up into his eyes and realized pretty quickly that Will had no idea how to proceed. Hoping and praying to God that she was doing the right thing, Mac pulled her hand from Will 's and made her way back across the room all the time thinking that if she could just break the ice between these two stubborn men then maybe, just maybe, they could manage to have a civil conversation.

"I'm Mackenzie McHale,"

She offered her hand once again and this time the old man shook it, albeit rather weakly.

"John McAvoy," he said, before dropping her hand and looking Mac up and down, "now I know this boy of mine has never married so you are?"

Now that question had Mackenzie stumped, it shouldn't have of course but suddenly she found herself wanting to say she was his girlfriend, his fiancée, anything but work colleague, but of course she and Will were not there, yet. Before she thought very much longer she felt a warm hand land on the small of her back.

"She's my dear friend and most trusted partner," Will said, smiling softly at Mackenzie, "but I'm sure you didn't ask me here for this kind of small talk."

"I was trying to show the lady some respect as requested," John McAvoy said before he took a long look at his eldest son.

Will stared back but eventually stepped a couple of steps towards his father leaving Mackenzie slightly in the background. "Look, we can sit here and swap jibes all day but frankly I'm bored of it already so how about you tell me why you wanted to see me?"

John nodded his head and almost had a look of rejection in his eyes, or was it regret? He looked up at Mackenzie and then his eyes strayed back to his son, "I would prefer it if we talked alone."

"Tough. She's staying."

Will's tone was harder and sharper than Mac could ever recall before, he certainly had decided not to take any crap here today. John McAvoy seemed to be feeling the same though. This time he turned his eyes to Mac and addressed her directly.

"Miss, would you be a dear and mind leaving us men alone for a few minutes?"

All of a sudden Mac could see why women could fall for a man like this, the charm dripped off of him and she of course realized where Will got his charm from. For a moment Mac was ready to comply with his wishes and leave the room but then she spotted the fear etched onto Will's face and she remembered her promise of earlier.

"Will wants me to stay," Mac said firmly but politely but apparently John wasn't about to give up on his request.

"Mackenzie, you said your name was? Right?"

"Yes, or Mac for short," Mac answered.

John nodded and smiled yet another charming smile, "Mac, you will probably hear a few unpleasant things from the past that maybe my boy here won't want you knowing so if you'd just step outside…."

"She knows everything already," Will interrupted looking almost gleeful at his father's shocked expression, "she won't hear anything I haven't already told her."

"You mean..."

"Yup, really, she already knows what a wonderful father you are."

For the first time Mac witnessed anger on the face of John McAvoy, suddenly the charming exterior was gone.

"I want her to leave."

"Look, she's staying or we're both leaving. You understand?"

Will stepped back a couple of steps and reached for Mackenzie's hand as if to push his point a little bit further.

"You need her to hold your hand for this?" John smirked, finding the situation all of a sudden funny, "you need a woman here for a simple chat with your father and you're not even fucking her?"

"Don't ever use that kind of language in front of a lady, especially Mackenzie." Will said, his anger beginning to simmer.

"What's the matter son? You too scared to make a move for her? Is that it? She looks like she wants to jump into bed with the big TV star, you should make your move."

"Excuse me," Mac interrupted, unable to listen to this any more and suddenly John McAvoy's face erupted into a huge, knowing smile.

"I know who she is," he laughed, "I watch that TV station of yours, I saw that daytime program. She's the one who cheated on you right? She's the one who sent the email to hundreds of people right?"

"That's fucking got nothing to do with you," Will roared and for the first time Mac sensed Will's temper was about to completely blow.

"I thought you didn't like bad language in front of the lady William."

"Fuck you," Will shouted, looking like he was about to punch the old man, sitting in front of him, "I didn't fucking come here for this shit."

Mac took a deep breath and gently rested her hand on the small of his back, "settle down, Billy," she whispered just barely loud enough for Will to hear but even her touch seemed to calm him a little. He threw his father another steely look before he marched over to the window.

Mac stood between the two, literally feeling stuck in the middle. For a brief moment she wondered whether it would just be better to leave these two stubborn idiots to their own devices, whether John McAvoy would ever say what he wanted to say with her there.

"He always was one to storm off in a temper," John said but it was far from sarcastic as his previous comments had been, to Mac he actually looked a little frightened of Will's outburst.

"I can't exactly blame him right now," Mac said with her eyes wandering over to Will at the window, "it's taken a hell of a lot to get him here so if you want to talk to him I'd take your chances now before he walks out of here for good."

Nothing was said for a few moments while John McAvoy nodded his head and then rolled his wheelchair to the armchair next to his bed. He started to very slowly pull himself up and onto two shaky legs.

"Do you need a hand?" Will asked from his spot at the window. The older man shook his head stubbornly and proceeded to struggle into the armchair.

"Why did you want to see me?" Will asked after a few moments of silence.

Mac looked up to see Will with his forehead leaning against the window, his eyes firmly on the parking lot below. His voice sounded so dejected, almost as if he had given up already.

"Can't a father ask to see his son just one last time before he dies?"

This time John sounded just as dejected as Will had a moment ago and it seemed to Mac as if there was finally an unspoken truce between the two.

"You couldn't just look at me on TV?"

"I do, every night," John answered, shocking both Will and Mackenzie, "but I wanted, to see your eyes one last time, to see if you still hated me as much as you used to."

Will had absolutely no idea how to answer that. He was desperate to yell that he did hate him with all his heart but something stopped him. Maybe it was pity on a dying man or maybe it was just Mackenzie being there and as always, silently reminding him to be a better man but something stopped him confirming the older man's suspicions.

"What's the matter with you?" Will asked softly, the back of his head this time leaning against the window his eyes firmly fixed on his father.

"It's my liver, finally giving out on me."

Will wasn't that surprised to hear that - his father had drunk enough in the twenty odd years Will had lived in Nebraska to cause his body damage and according to Iris and the odd phone conversation with his siblings.

"There's nothing they can do for you?" Will asked.

"Not really but it's okay, it's time for me. I've accepted it."

"Is it a case of needing money? For surgery?" Will asked, surprised at himself even for thinking of offering money.

John shook his head and laughed, "I'd never dream of asking you for money son."

"You're not asking," Will said quietly, "I'm offering."

Again, John shook his head and looked over to his son standing dejectedly at the window. "Thank you for offering though."

Will nodded and stood in silence for a moment before his father beckoned him over. He looked at Mac who nodded her head before he slowly edged his way over to the bed. He sat on the side of the bed and looked down at his father looking so old and so frail. He had once seemed to be a giant of a man to Will but now the roles were completely reversed, Will was the giant whereas his father looked like a tiny boy.

"That's what I was expecting," John muttered and closed his eyes tightly.

"What?" Will replied.

"The hatred for me, it's still there in your eyes."

"What did you expect?" Will asked, "for me to just forget everything that ever happened? To forget how you treated Mom?"

"She wasn't the angel you always think she was Will."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Will said defensively.

Again the older man closed his eyes tightly and this time rested his head back against the chair.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Will asked again, his voice louder this time.

"I think I need to sleep now." John muttered under his breath.

"Oh no," Will said, "I'm not letting you start on mom without you explaining further. What do you mean she was no angel?"

John opened his eyes and for once looked like he actually didn't want to hurt Will. "Son, I shouldn't have said that, just forget it."

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what you meant," Will said firmly.

"I'm warning you Will don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to."

"I want to know, what did you mean?"

John sighed and puffed out his cheeks and then took a good hard look at his eldest son, "are you really sure you want to hear this because you sure as hell aren't going to like it."

"I want to hear it." Will answered firmly. Still the old man seemed extremely hesitant.

"He needs to hear it," Mac whispered from her spot at the end of the bed.

John nodded and then wearily wiped his wrinkled hand across his forehead. "The trouble between your mother and I started a couple of years after you were born. She had an affair, it had been going on for a couple of years when I found out and it broke me. Suddenly the woman I'd worshipped for years loved someone else and I just couldn't handle it. I started drinking and then drinking some more because it was the only way to numb the pain. I've always had a bad temper when I was drunk but it all just spiraled out of control."

"There's having a bad temper and then there's beating your family," Will said looking utterly disgusted.

"I never hit you when I was sober."

"Oh well, that's fucking all right then," Will shouted, his anger well and truly returned.

"I know its no damn excuse for what happened after but I tried to stop the drinking, I swear I did."

Will was shaking his head wildly; he couldn't and wouldn't believe what his father was saying. His mother wouldn't do that, she wouldn't have an affair, he knew she wouldn't.

"I don't believe you," Will whispered, still shaking his head, "you're just saying that."

"I tried to warn you," John replied, his voice shaking a little.

"You lying bastard," Will shouted, desperately trying to blink away the tears that had appeared in his eyes.

"I know you don't believe me, that's fine, I don't expect you to but you ask Iris, ask any of your aunts or uncles, they'll tell you the truth.

"You're a sick, lying, fucking bastard," Will repeated, "and you're going straight to hell."

Will didn't even look at Mac or his father as he stormed out of the room and into the empty corridor slamming the door as he went. Mackenzie looked on stunned from the end of the bed, she certainly hadn't expected to hear that and of course the irony of the situation wasn't lost on her. It was almost as if history had repeated itself with her cheating on Will the way his mother had on his father.

"I never intended to tell him that," John said sadly, his eyes meeting Mac's, "he always loved his mother more than the rest of us put together and I didn't want to spoil that memory for him."

Mac nodded but still couldn't find any words to say.

"You better go and see if he's okay," John said, nodding his head towards the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Mac walked into the corridor and saw Will standing at the end of the hallway, staring out a window. She placed her hand on his lower back as she came to stand next to him, rubbing his back softly. When she looked up she saw the tears in his eyes. "Do you think he's lying?" she asked.

"I don't know. I'm not sure what game he's playing and what he hopes to accomplish."

She took one of his hands in hers and said, "I'm not sure he's playing at any game."

"Could it be true?" he asked quietly.

"Even if it is, that doesn't excuse his behavior, Will."

"I know it doesn't, but how could I have never known?"

"We don't know if it's even true, Will. We need to confirm that. Will Iris tell you?"

"She will."

"Let's go back in and talk to your father. We'll talk to Iris and we can come back and you can ask any questions you have."

Will nodded and with his hand still in hers they walked back down to John's room and knocked on the doorframe.

"Come on in," John said. "I didn't mean to upset you," he said to Will.

Will nodded and sat back on the bed with Mac next to him, still holding his hand.

"Talk to Iris, Will. She's the one you always went to when you needed to escape. She'll tell you anything you want to know. But be sure you want to know."

"I have to know," he said quietly.

"I understand, Will, I really do," his father said.

Mac was feeling very uncomfortable and started to pull her hand out of Will's until he grasped hers tighter and looked up at her. "It's okay," he said to Mac and turned to his father, "will you tell me? I'll ask Iris, but I want to hear your side."

"Forever the lawyer," his father said and continued even when Will started to object. "I found out by accident. I was out of town and I came home early from a trip. When I pulled in the driveway there was a car there that I didn't recognize. I went into the house and found them in bed together." John coughed and Mac pulled away to pour him some water and handed him the cup. She moved right back to Will's side and took his hand in hers. "Thanks."

"Why didn't you divorce?" Will asked.

"I didn't want a divorce, I wanted your mother. She promised me she'd break it off and we'd work on our problems and I believed her, but she lied to me and I caught them again about a year later."

"Is that when the drinking began?" Will asked.

"Yes."

"What would you have done differently, if you had to do it over?"

"I've often thought about the what-ifs over the years. I'm not sure if they are helpful or not, but what would have ultimately been best for everybody would have been a divorce."

"Do I know who she was seeing?" Will asked. He'd wondered if the man was still alive.

"I'm not going to tell you that. There's no need for you to even think about that, son."

Will got up and began pacing. "Will, it won't do you, or anyone any good. It was years ago and I honestly don't even know if he's still alive. I used to keep track, but that didn't get me anywhere other than angry and bitter," John said.

Mac saw that Will was processing all he'd learned and was getting madder and madder by the moment. She wasn't sure whom he was mad at though, his father, or his mother. This was what he'd worried about on Mother's Day, finding out something more about his mother that he couldn't handle. Really, it wasn't fair to get mad at her when she was already dead and not able to talk to him about everything that happened. But he was mad. When he got close to the door, he smacked it with the heel of his hand, making Mac jump.

She moved from the bed and stopped his pacing by stepping in front of him. She took his hand that he'd hit the door with and made sure he was all right. Once she saw he was okay, she pulled him back to sit on the bed.

"I know you're mad and you have every right to be mad. Mad at me, mad at your mother, hell, be mad at everybody, but don't let it change you, William."

"I need to know, all of it, all the whys and whens so I can make it make sense in my head," Will said.

"Son, this isn't something you're going to be able to make sense of, trust me. I've been trying since you were two."

"Did you forgive her?" Will asked, making Mac very uncomfortable, and he knew it would, so he moved over toward his father and pulled Mac to sit on the bed next to him.

"Every time."

"How could you, I don't understand," Will said.

"Because I loved her more than anything and I wanted to be with her. Some things just don't make sense Will. Sometimes you just have to say okay and go with it, you know?" John said. "May I ask you a question?"

Mac felt Will tense and he said, "yes."

"Have you forgiven Mac?"

Will was up off the bed faster than Mac knew what was happening. He was standing over his father, his hands on the arms of the chair John was sitting in. "My relationship with Mackenzie is none of your business."

"Will," Mac whispered.

Will backed away and moved back over to the window. Mac hadn't seen Will this angry in years. But it wasn't just anger, it was anger and hurt and betrayal and many, many questions.

Mac got off of the bed and went to Will. She turned him around and hugged him and quietly spoke in his ear. "I know you're upset, but he's answering your questions. Don't worry about me, you and I can talk later, you need to talk to him now."

Will nodded and eased her out of his arms. He moved back to the bed and looked at his father. "Mackenzie is off limits, do you hear me?"

"Okay," John said.

A knock on his door interrupted their conversation. It was a nurse coming to check on him. "Good afternoon, Mr. McAvoy. I'm sorry to interrupt but we've got you scheduled for a shower and some therapy in just a few minutes," the nurse said.

"It's okay. Go talk to Iris and we'll talk again," John said.

Will nodded and held his hand out for Mac, who easily took his hand and together they walked out of John's room. Instead of going to the car Will led them out to a garden area and found a bench to sit on, pulling Mac down next to him. He still had her hand in his and he wasn't letting go.

"Do you want to talk some?" Mac asked.

"Can we just sit here a minute?"

"Sure." Mac knew he needed some time to process everything he'd heard today. He wanted to be with her and hold her hand but he didn't want to talk right now. He needed some peace.

They sat there, holding hands until Will's phone rang. It was Lonny making sure they were all right. Will answered the call and explained they would be down in a few minutes.

Will sat back on the bench and looked up at the sky. "I'm sorry you were uncomfortable in there, it was never my intention to make you uncomfortable."

"I know that, Billy. I knew the possibility when I said I'd come with you. I'm a big girl, I can take it, promise."

"You shouldn't have to take it, Mac. Not from me, especially."

"Funny, I understand it coming from you. I hurt you very badly and you've not forgiven me. I know that and I live with that every day."

"I don't want you to be sad. I want us to be able to move on and it's getting better, I swear it is, Mac."

"I take responsibility for my actions, Will. I knew what it would do to you when I told you, but I couldn't not tell you, either. I couldn't live with that deceit."

"I think for the first time I understand that and maybe talking to my father today helped me understand. Back in New York you said you hadn't earned my trust on a personal level, that's not true. I do trust you, you wouldn't be here if I didn't trust you with everything. I also want to be able to move forward with you and that's the part I'm working on," he said. When he looked at her she had tears rolling down her cheeks. He sat up and pulled her into his arms. "We're a pair, aren't we," he said softly into her ear while he rubbed her back, trying to help her calm down.

"Yeah, but I'm supposed to be comforting you," Mac squeaked as she clutched his shirt in between her fingers, "I'm not doing a very good job."

"Hey, don't even think that. I wouldn't have even got onto the plane in New York if it wasn't for you Mac."

Will felt Mackenzie nod her head and then she turned it slightly and rested it onto his shoulder. The wave of love that suddenly washed over Will at that moment was so immense that he found himself pulling her as close to his body as he could.

"You okay?" Mac whispered as she felt Will bury his head in her shoulder.

"Feeling very thankful right now," Will mumbled his eyes closing for a moment or two, "not many friends would do what you have today, Mac."

"Yeah, but you're not just any friend to me Billy," Mac replied instantly.

Will sighed and now it was his turn to nod his head. "I know, but it still goes beyond the call of duty, so to speak."

Mackenzie pulled away a little and lifted Will's chin so he was looking directly at her, "but you'd do the same for me right?"

"Of course," Will replied and couldn't help himself as he once again pulled Mac back to his chest. And he would in a flash, Will was certain of that except her family was nowhere near as screwed up as his. Her family was normal, they looked out for each other, they supported each other and most of all they loved each other, that kind on unconditional love that families had for each other, that kind of love that he was once a part of.

Will closed his eyes again and let his mind wander back to the old days, he so rarely allowed himself to do that these days but with Mackenzie in his arms holding onto him for dear life he realized, for what must have been the millionth time in the past few months, just how much he missed being with her, being part of her family.

"We should get going," Mac, murmured a minute or so later.

"Do we have to?"

Mac giggled and let her fingers play with the soft hair at the back of his neck. "Billy, you sound like a petulant child."

"Shhh."

Mac giggled and rubbed his neck softly, "shhh?" she repeated.

"I don't want to move right now, it's the first time I've felt relaxed since we left New York," Will whined, still refusing to release his hold on Mackenzie.

"I'm not opposed to continuing this later," Mac said softly, hoping she wasn't overstepping the mark, "but we have to make a move."

Before he could even answer, Mac untangled herself from Will's arms but kept a hold of his hands, "do you want to head over to Iris'?" Mac asked.

Will thought for a moment but then shook his head. "I've had enough of this shit for the time being. What I really want to do is head to the hotel, have a long hot shower and then take you to the best burger joint in all of Nebraska."

"Sounds like a bloody good plan to me," Mac said, standing up and holding her hand out to Will, "that's if it's still there."

"Oh it's there, I check at least once a month," Will chuckled, "and its run by probably my biggest fan."

The smile on his face right then was worth its weight in gold, it hit a spot deep in Mac's heart and she couldn't help but smile too.

"Best burgers, ever. Period."

Mac giggled and almost gasped out loud as Will slung his arm casually around her shoulder as they set off to find Lonny and the car.

Meanwhile, two floors up in the therapy room John McAvoy watched out of the window that overlooked the garden. He watched while his son hugged his friend dearly and he watched as they whispered what he thought looked like comforting words to each other, he watched wishing he could hear their conversation and finally he watched as his son laughed and wrapped his arm around Mackenzie's shoulder.

"There's no way she's just a friend. He's definitely in love with her," he said to himself with a big smile forming on his face.

"Pardon me?"

"That's my son," he said to the young nurse who stood by his side, "I'm hoping he doesn't make the same mistakes I did. I'm hoping he takes a chance with his beautiful young lady."

John and the nurse watched as Will and Mac disappeared from view and then the nurse wheeled John away from the window.

"Have you told him?" the nurse asked, not having the first idea of the tempestuous relationship between her patient and his son.

"No." John said sadly. "He wouldn't listen to me anyway, I've hurt him far too much for him to take my advice."

"It's never too late," the nurse said as she helped the old man out of his wheelchair.

John laughed a bitter laugh and shook his head sadly. "Sometimes it is my dear, it's about forty years too late for me and my son."

About ninety minutes later, Will parked their rental car outside a diner on Main Street, Lincoln and switched off the engine.

"I still don't know how you managed to persuade Lonny to stay at the hotel."

"He's easily bribed," Will said winking at Mac cheekily.

"It's not funny Will, what if it's not safe?"

"Oh come on Mac, you think there's a team of crazy killers in there waiting to murder me on the off chance I stop by?"

"There could be." Mac replied shrugging her shoulders and knowing she sounded a little bit silly right now.

Will chuckled and hopped out of the car. He was around the other side and had Mac's door opened before she had even reached for her bag. Will led Mac into the diner and sighed as he stepped through the door.

"This place hasn't changed in the fifty years I've been coming here," Will said as he looked left and then right. Mac noticed there were very few customers there as Will led her towards the counter.

"Hey, what do you have to do around here to get any service?" Will yelled as he tinged the bell near the cash register.

It took about three seconds for Will to start laughing just as a loud squeal came from the kitchen.

"William Duncan McAvoy."

"Hey beautiful," Will said as he rounded the counter and swung the old woman up into the air, "you get better looking every time I see you!"

"You haven't changed one little bit, your charm won't get you free burgers today you know!"

"Hey, you can't blame a guy for trying, huh?"

"I heard you were in town," the rotund old lady said, "I knew you'd stop by, I told Melanie you'd be here."

"How is Mel?" Will asked as he set the old lady back on the floor.

"She's okay, works too hard and still hasn't found the time to marry that boyfriend of hers but that's Melanie for you. I don't think I'm going to get any grandchildren now! How are you?"

"I'm okay, all the better for seeing you," Will chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to the woman's cheek and for the second time that day Mac noticed that he seemed genuinely happy.

"You don't come home often enough young man."

"I know, I know," Will muttered looking like he truly had missed this place. "Aunt Iris told me the same thing this morning."

Mac giggled at Will's telling off and he spun around as if he'd only just remembered she was there.

"Hey, I want you to meet Mackenzie McHale," Will said as he reached for Mac's hand. "Mac, this is Mary Marshall, she owns this wonderful place."

Mac stepped forward and shook Mary's hand. "It's lovely to meet you."

"Now where do I know that name from?" Mary asked looking at Will.

"You still watch my show?" Will asked, arching his eyebrow at Mary, as if she was in big trouble if she didn't.

"Of course, every night without fail," she replied smiling happily.

"Well, Mac and I work together," Will said winking at Mac. "She's my Executive Producer so basically spends her life bossing me around and kicking my ass."

"Someone has to," Mary said grabbing two mugs from the counter and filling them both with coffee. "You're staying for a while I hope?"

"You bet," Will replied as he pulled a couple of stools up to the counter and motioned for Mac to sit. "I've promised Mac the best burger in town."

"Well they're not so good since my best cook left me thirty years ago. He went off to the big city looking for fame and fortune you know."

Will shook his head slightly and chuckled, "just how long is it going take for you to forgive me for leaving?"

"I'm not sure I ever will, unless you come home more often," Mary said winking at Will and placing a menu in front of a confused looking Mackenzie.

"You worked here?" Mac asked Will nudging him with her elbow.

"I did."

"Oh my goodness," Mac giggled, "I never knew that."

Will laughed and nudged her back, "well, there are some things Miss McHale that even you don't know about me."

"Tell me more," Mac said as she started to browse the menu.

"There's not a lot to tell. I started off sweeping up and clearing tables when I was about thirteen as a Saturday job and then ended up cooking here for a while for extra cash when I was at college."

"He always plays it down, he was a Godsend when I got sick," Mary said, her face turning serious, "if it wasn't for Will then my business would have gone down the drain many years ago."

"I think that was actually more Mel than me," Will said nonchalantly.

"Who's Mel?" Mac asked, having heard her name three times now.

"She's my daughter, dear, and these two were inseparable as kids," Mary answered before turning her attention back to Will, "and from what Mel's told me in the past young man it was you and not her that kept this place running for all those months."

Will shrugged his shoulders trying to act like it was no big deal, "well, I had to, where was I going to get free burgers if this place shut down huh?"

"You can play it down all you like Will but I'm forever in your debt for everything you've ever done for this place, you understand? Not just when I was sick but the anonymous investment I received last year when this place was in trouble, I'm pretty sure you were behind that right?"

Mackenzie watched as Will struggled to come up with an answer. He shrugged his shoulders and Mac could tell he was about to brush it off with a joke, this was totally what Mac had meant all those months ago when she had said Will had had a heart the size of a Range Rover. She rested her hand on his arm as Mary waited for an answer.

"Was it you?" Mac whispered.

"Hey, do either of you ladies understand what anonymous means?" Will mumbled under his breath, his eyes imploring with Mac to drop the subject.

Mackenzie nodded her head knowing the answer but Mary wasn't as ready to drop it, "William McAvoy. Was it you? yes or no?"

Will knew be wasn't going to win this one and he'd half expected this conversation when he'd thought about bringing Mac here. He nodded his head and shrugged his shoulders again, "well I couldn't let my favourite place go under could I? This place is part of this town, I want my family to be able to come here, and I want to bring my kids here one day, if I ever get any... It was no big deal."

"For me it was, for a lot of regulars around here it was, so thank you Will, from the bottom of my heart, I say, thank you."

Will could see the tears well up in the old lady's eyes as she reached across the counter and grasped Will's hand.

"It really was my pleasure but please, let's keep it between us okay?" Will said, squeezing her hand tightly, "our secret."

"Our secret," Mary repeated.

For a couple of seconds the two old friends smiled at each other fondly before Will started to grin, "hey does that mean as a thank you we get free burgers tonight?"

Mary roared out laughing and slapped Will's hand playfully, "you really would do anything for a burger on the house won't you?"

Will laughed along and grabbed the menu from Mac, "you don't need this Mac," Will said before turning his attention back to Mary, "we'll have two house specials, banana milkshake for me, of course, and I'm guessing Mackenzie here will be having chocolate, right?"

"Well remembered," Mac whispered as Mary trotted off to the kitchen leaving Will and Mac alone at the counter.

"You seem happy," Mac said after a while, "are you okay with everything this afternoon?"

"I wouldn't say okay but it's sinking in a little. I'm just trying to keep it at the back of my mind for a while."

"Anything I can do for you? To help?"

"Just what you're doing now," Will replied, shuffling closer to Mac and then laying his hand gently on top of Mackenzie's arm.

Mac nodded and let her head slip to the side and rest on Will's shoulder.

"Comfortable?" Will murmured, absolutely loving the fact that Mac felt relaxed enough to sit like that.

"Mmmm and sleepy."

Will chuckled and pressed the lightest of kisses into her hairline, not caring one little bit that there were other customers watching him now. "You still okay to come to Iris's after?"

Mac's head shot up and Will instantly missed the warm feeling that had spread all over him while she had been pressed against his side.

"Of course," Mac replied, "I wouldn't let you go through that alone Billy."

Will smiled and pulled Mac back against his side, her head automatically dropping back into place on his shoulder.

"Tell me more about you working here," Mac murmured quietly, "I love hearing stories about you from your childhood."

"There's really not that much to tell, you've heard all the nice bits. You've met my two old ladies who are, sadly, the only thing I miss about Nebraska."

"What about Mel?" Mac asked, knowing she probably shouldn't push him too hard but she could tell there was something more than meets the eye between Will and Mel.

"What about Mel?" Will questioned.

"There's history between you two right?"

Will didn't say anything for a second or two and the pause made Mackenzie nervous. "It's okay," Mac whispered, "you don't have to tell me."

"Yeah, a little history," Will finally replied.

"Which probably means a lot of history," Mac giggled.

"We grew up together. We met on the first day of school when we were five, were in every class together all the way through high school, college, law school, you name it, we were together."

"Your first true love?" Mac asked.

Will chuckled and nudged his shoulder into Mac's. "You ask too many questions sometimes, Kenz."

"I'm a journalist, I'm trained to ask too many questions."

Will laughed and nodded his head, "good point."

"How long we're you together?"

"As boyfriend and girlfriend, about six years."

"And she broke your heart too, right?" Mackenzie asked quietly half dreading his answer.

Will looked down at Mac's face and wondered what was going through her mind at that moment. She looked lost and upset, like she often did when the subject of Will and his broken heart came up.

"I'm not sure who broke whose to be honest, or if anyone's heart got broken even. After we both passed the bar exam I wanted to get out of Nebraska so badly. I'd been dreaming of New York or Washington for so long, I knew there was something better than this out there for me and started making plans to leave. I asked Mel to come with me but she wouldn't, she wanted us to stay here and start our own law firm."

"And what happened?"

"She stayed and I went to New York. End of story. End of first love."

"Just like that?"

"Yup," Will nodded. "She, quite correctly, said it wouldn't work from a distance and to be honest, after a couple of months in New York I'd forgotten us. I was having a great time in the city, I felt free for the first time in my life and never looked back, never. I guess we just outgrew each other."

"When was the last time you saw her?" Mac asked.

"Mom's funeral, twelve years ago. We exchange cards at Christmas and that's about it."

Mac was just about to continue her questioning when Mary appeared with two of the biggest plates of food Mac had ever seen.

"Oh my God, you can't expect me to eat all of that…Will."

Mac stared at all of food; a huge burger and fries piled high on the plate and then came the milkshake. "This looks great, Mary, thank you."

Will leaned over and whispered in her ear that he'd eat whatever she couldn't. Mac smiled at him and picked up her burger. "This is great."

"One of the benefits of living in Nebraska is having local cattlemen, really great meat that has never been frozen, it makes a difference. You should taste the steaks," Will explained.

"It really does."

Mary came to check on them and asked, "how is it?"

Will smiled and said, "still the best burger in the state, Mary."

"Good. How do you like it, Mac?" Mary asked.

"It's really good. I don't know that I've ever had meat this fresh before."

"One of my cousins has cattle and gives me a deal," she said smiling.

"May I have a glass of water?" Mac asked.

"Sure, honey, one minute," Mary said. As she was putting the water down Will was stealing fries from Mac and Mary smacked his hand. "You do not need extras."

Mac smiled and said, "thank you for the water."

"You're welcome. Don't let this one try to convince you he needs more fries," Mary said and went to check on her other customers.

She touched his leg and said, "I'm sorry."

He placed his hand atop hers and squeezed. "It's okay. We'll be more stealthy next time," he said and she smiled. That was his goal, to make her smile. When she smiled at him it made him feel so incredibly special. This wasn't her normal smile, this was a, I'm really enjoying myself, true smile. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and hold her for the rest of the night, but he knew he couldn't do that; they had to go talk to Iris after this.

Mary was watching their interaction from across the diner. She could tell how special Mac was to him.

After they'd finished eating Mac excused herself to use the restroom. Mary was standing there watching Will watch Mac walk back to the restroom. "Don't waste time."

"It's more complicated than you know, Mary."

"No it's not. The past is the past and dwelling on it doesn't do you any good, trust me. I can tell how much she means to you, but does she?"

"We're working on it," he said.

"Do you love her?" Mary asked.

Will wasn't ready for that question and was staring at Mary. She smiled at him and patted his hand. "You need to tell her," she said and took their plates back to the kitchen.

"It's not that easy," Will said when Mary came back.

"Sure it is. She loves you and would do anything for you, I can tell."

"She already is. Do you know why I'm home?"

Mary nodded. "I do, my boy, I'm sorry."

"I saw him, earlier. He told me something I never knew. He told me that my mother was cheating on him and that's why the drinking started. Do you know anything about that?"

"Will, it's not my place."

"You and Iris are the only ones that I trust that would know. I need to know the truth."

After a few moments Mary finally said, "it's true."

Mac was coming back from the restroom and saw them in deep conversation. When she got behind Will she placed her hand on his lower back and rubbed gently. In his ear she whispered, "you okay?" He nodded and she sat back down beside him, keeping her hand on his back.

"Thank you for dinner, Mary, it was very good and I'd have to agree with Will, the best burger in Nebraska.

Mary smiled at her and said, "thank you." She turned to Will and said, "go talk to Iris, she knows more than I do."

He nodded and leaned over the counter and kissed Mary's cheek. "Thank you."

"I want to see you again before you go back to New York, young man."

Will smiled at her and said, "yes, ma'am." When Mary turned around Will slipped a hundred dollar bill under his milkshake glass and slipped off the stool. Mac smiled at him.


	5. Chapter 5

Once they were back in the car she asked, "do you want to go see Iris?"

"Yes, I have to know."

"Let's go find out," she said.

Will drove them to Iris's house and turned off the car and sat there, not moving to get out of the car.

"Will?"

He turned to Mac and she could tell how badly he was dreading this conversation. She took his hand in hers and turned toward him in her seat. "Do you want to talk to Iris alone?"

He whipped his head around and shook it quickly back and forth.

"Okay," she said touching his cheek, "I'll be right there with you."

"Thanks," he whispered and laid his head back against the headrest.

"Do you want to talk about anything before we go in?"

"Let's go," he said and got out of the car. He came around to her side and took her hand and led her onto the porch where Iris was sitting.

Iris got up and pulled him into a hug and held him for a moment. When she pulled back she said, "please, sit."

Will sat next to Iris and Mac was next to him.

"Are you all right?" Iris asked him.

"It's been a long day, Iris and I need to ask you some questions and I need you to tell me everything you know."

"What has your father told you, Will?" Iris asked.

"He told me that my mother was cheating on him and that's why the drinking started. Did my mother cheat on my father?"

Iris first looked at Mac and finally looked at Will and said, "yes, multiple times that I know of specifically. My brother has not been a saint in this life, I know only a little of what he's done but he was destroyed when he came home early from a trip and found your mother in bed with another man. She swore that she'd end it but a while later he caught them again. I think the drinking was to cope but it's not an excuse."

Will was crushed, Mac could tell and took his hand in hers and rubbed, trying to sooth the hurt.

"Was it always the same man?" Will asked, looking down at the porch floor.

"Yes, as far as I know. He wasn't local, lived in Omaha. I don't know if he's still alive or not, I've not heard anything about him since your mother died. You know that she's really the only one who could tell you why, we're all hypothesizing."

Will looked up at Iris and said, "you're all I've got Iris. Anything you know will help me understand."

"Your father was crushed the first time. I remember sitting here on the porch with him and he cried and cried, he couldn't understand. Had he done something? Had he not done something? He loved your mother desperately. She was his entire world and all he wanted was a family, that's all he ever wanted. He loved you so much. You were with him more than you were with your mother."

Mac watched a tear roll out of Will's eye and drop to the floor. Her hand was on his back, rubbing gently and he had a tight grasp on her hand. She wondered if Will realized the similarities between their relationship and his parent's relationship.

"Is there anyone alive that would know his name?"

"Will, honey, that won't do any good," Iris said. "I doubt he's even still alive but even if he was, my guess is that he wouldn't talk to you about your mother. You are going to have to accept that she had an affair, for years."

"Did she love my father at all?" Will was desperate for any answers at this point.

"She did. But was he her second choice, most likely. I know the man from Omaha, at one point at least, was married. I don't know much about him but I do know that they met at a dance. I think your father was away on business. This was long before you were born."

"I don't understand how she could have been married to my father and cheated on him, multiple times…hell, who even knows, it may have gone on continuously."

He hadn't expected Mac to say anything but when she did he turned his head toward her. "We can only guess at the whys, Will, but she had four children with your father, there was something there, even if it wasn't love. Maybe she wasn't ready for the intensity of what he felt for her? Iris said that she was his entire world; can you imagine the pressure that put on her? I'm not saying that her cheating was justified, but I think you need to think about your father's place in all of this, too. He forgave her time and again because he loved her. You have to know that above everything else he loved her despite all her shortcomings."

"May I ask you a question?" Will asked Mac.

"Of course."

"The intensity of the relationship really can lead to cheating?"

She wasn't sure if he was asking about his parents or them. Either way the answer was the same. "Yes, especially if one partner isn't ready for the intensity."

"Can we stop talking in the abstract?"

"Okay," Mac answered.

"Am I my father? Was I too intense?"

Tears flooded her eyes. "There is nothing wrong with being so in love with someone, but when both parties aren't there it can be very scary."

"I scared you?"

"The level of emotion and never having had feelings like that focused on me before scared me."

"I never knew," Will said.

"You were perfect and you put me on this pedestal and I'd never had that before and as much as I liked it, it also scared me to death."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She smiled at him and said, "I tried. You were too busy and didn't want to hear what I was saying."

He was shocked. Had he not listened to her? He turned his head away from her and stared at the floor. They all sat there quietly for a few minutes. Will broke the silence and said to Mac, "will you excuse Iris and I a moment?"

"Certainly," she said and started to get up.

"Stay, Iris and I will be back in a few minutes. We'll be in the kitchen if you need anything."

Mac nodded. Iris got up and opened the door. Will got up and kissed Mac's head and followed Iris into the house. The moment they were inside Mac let the tears flow and cried into her hands. She was crying for Will and for his father and for them.

Iris poured Will a glass of lemonade and sat across from him. "What do you want to talk about?" Iris asked taking his hand.

"He really forgave her every time?"

"He did, but he also lost a little piece of himself each time, though. She was his world. The drinking did coincide with him finding out about the affairs. So you've got a choice to make."

He looked up quickly. "What?"

"Can you forgive Mackenzie?" Iris asked.

"I want to."

"Did you know about her trying to talk to you?"

He shook his head.

"Don't beat yourself up, Will."

"It really wasn't all her fault. I did play a part in the cheating."

"Will, I think if you ask Mac what part you played she will say that you didn't play a part. I'm guessing but she's taken full responsibility, right?"

He nodded.

"Do you think you played a part now that you know about your parents and Mac trying to talk to you?"

"Yes."

"You've got a chance here Will that John never had. Mac loves you the same way you love her, you're equals now. It's not like before, sweetie. Take the chance and be happy. If your father has given you anything let that be what he's done for you."

Will nodded and said, "Will you excuse me a minute, I want to go check on Mac."

He walked out to the porch and Mac was sitting on the chair, her legs pulled tight up toward her and she had her head resting on her knees. She lifted her head when she heard the door open. There were tear tracks on her cheeks and it broke his heart. It was time to stop hurting her.

He sat down next to her and said, "are you okay?"

She nodded.

"Are you tired?"

Again, a nod.

"Let me go say good night to Iris and we'll go to the hotel."

"Okay," she said quietly.

He walked back into the house and into the kitchen where Iris was fixing her coffee for the next morning. "You look like you've lost your best friend."

"She's hurting so much and I need to fix that," Will said.

"Are you ready to fix it, Will? Don't play games with her. I can tell how much she loves you and that she'd do anything for you."

"I'm just beginning to realize how much. I knew she still had feelings for me and that she wanted us back together, but I had no idea how emotionally invested she was in the possibility of us."

"And you're not? Fair is fair, Will. You're as emotionally invested as she is, you just won't let her see. If you'd let yourself forgive her," Iris started and simply shook her head.

"Finish it, please." Will needed to hear this.

She turned to him and said, "you have this opportunity and you're letting yourself get in the way of your happiness. I know you love her and she loves you. Maybe I see it because you let me see a side of you not many people get to see, but don't waste this opportunity. If you do you'll regret it forever, trust me."

"Thank you, Iris."

"You're welcome," she said and pulled him into a hug. "I'll walk you out, I want to tell Mackenzie good night and I'm sure she needs a hug, too."

Will knew Iris didn't mean to make him feel worse, but he did. He followed her out to the porch and Mac was sitting there reading on her phone. The tear tracks had been wiped away and she had put herself back together once again. He wondered how many times she'd done that, put on a strong face for the world and carry on.

Mac smiled at Iris. "I would get nothing done but sit out here, it's so peaceful."

"A little piece of heaven, I've always said. I like to eat breakfast out here and watch the goings on."

"You ready to head to the hotel?" Will asked.

"Sure," Mac said getting up. Iris had her in her arms immediately, hugging her tight. Mac returned the hug and said, "good night, Iris."

"Good night, Mac. Sleep well."

Mac moved off the porch and let Will have a moment with his aunt. When he turned around Mac was already in the car.

The drive to the hotel was made in silence. Will and Mac had adjoining rooms and Lonny was on the other side of Will. Mac and Will had opened their connecting doors earlier in the day. Will walked Mac to her room and she said, "good night," as she slipped into her room.

She hadn't closed their connecting doors and he could hear her moving about, getting ready for bed.

He changed and was sitting on his bed watching CNN, catching up with the day's news when he saw her light go off. He lay down, hoping that sleep would come soon, but it didn't. His mind was on overdrive. He was thinking about his father and Iris and most especially Mackenzie.

After tossing and turning for a while he got up and pushed the door to Mac's room open further. He was standing there staring at her when she shocked him and said, "come get in bed. If we can't sleep at least we can talk."

He wasn't sure why he said it, but he did. "I don't want to talk."

"Okay, please shut the door," she said, trying to disguise the hurt in her voice and turned on her side away from him.

Fuck, he'd screwed up, again.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she said, not turning over.

"It's not okay for me to hurt you."

She laughed and said, "I take what I can get. Good night, Will."

"Night," he said and closed her door as she asked. He was so mad at himself. It was so easy to hold onto the hurt she caused but he wasn't only hurting her, he was hurting himself, too. Iris would be so disappointed in him.

The moment the door closed Mackenzie felt the tears threaten again. She pulled the spare pillow to her chest and buried her face into it trying frantically to muffle the sound of her sobs, desperate for Will not to hear her. It wasn't working though, Will stood the other side of the wall with his head resting back against the door and with an aching so deep in his chest he could hardly breathe.

"Please don't cry. Please don't cry. Please don't cry," he whispered over and over to himself, willing to do anything right now to block the sound of her tears, but as hard as he prayed for silence it didn't come.

Ignoring the sound of her cries for a moment longer, Will wandered over to the mini bar in his room and poured three miniature bottles of scotch into a glass. He raised the glass to his lips, desperate to feel the warmth the liquid would almost certainly bring but just at that exact moment all he could see was his father standing before him. It wasn't a vision of the frail old man he had seen that afternoon but a vision of his father forty years ago. A vision of a man with regret plastered all over his drunken face after his young son had walked into the room just as he'd struck his wife to the floor.

"Fuck," Will whispered when the realization of what could happen suddenly dawned on him. He'd always had this dreaded fear inside of him of turning into the man he had detested for most of his life and now, as the sound of Mackenzie's sobs still filled his head, he wondered once and for all whether he'd done just that, whether he had finally followed in his father's footsteps by hurting the woman he loved so much.

He slammed his glass of untouched scotch onto the table and marched straight back towards the door and gently pushed it open. It was dark in Mackenzie's room but he could still make her out sitting at the top of the bed like she had been on the porch earlier with her knees bought up to her chest.

"I'm sorry," Will whispered from the doorway, knowing his words sounded weak and pathetic and he was hardly surprised when there was no reply.

"Mac?"

"Please, leave me alone," Mackenzie squeaked, her voice laced with tears but Will had no intention of going back to his room while she was so upset. He'd made the biggest mistake of his life five years ago when he'd stormed out of her apartment with her in floods of tears and he wasn't about to make the same mistake again. Taking a deep breath and praying to a God he no longer believed in that he wasn't about to make this situation any worse, he crossed the room and switched the lamp on and then sat on the edge of her bed, instantly tugging Mackenzie towards his body.

At first Mackenzie was so stiff in his arms that Will could hardly reach around her to bring her near, but by the time he'd pressed a couple of kisses to her forehead and whispered another 'sorry,' Mac finally pulled her arms from around her knees and let herself be pulled into the comfort of Will's arms. The tears didn't stop though, in fact they seemed to increase the more Will held her and mumbled pleas of forgiveness into her ear.

As he sat and held her Will was undeniably terrified. Terrified that this was finally it, that she was about to give up on them at last. She had been patient, she had been supportive, she had given her all to fix them but every time they had gotten close Will had put up a barrier between them, always stopping her from taking that final step.

But what if it was too late now Will suddenly thought? What if the tears indicated that she had no more effort left inside of her? What the hell would he do then? Will sighed and felt a tear of his own slide down his cheek to join Mackenzie's tears that seemed to be soaking his t-shirt right now.


	6. Chapter 6

After what seemed like an eternity to Will but in reality was probably only ten minutes or so, Mac finally seemed to stop crying and Will actually wondered if she had fallen asleep she was so silent and settled in his arms. He slipped his fingers into her hair and tenderly pushed her bangs off her cheeks so he could see her tear stained face, a sight that broke his heart just a little bit more.

"For what it's worth, I truly am sorry, Mac."

Mac didn't reply but she did clutch at his tear stained t-shirt a little tighter and seemed to bury her head further into his shoulder if that was at all possible.

"I know I'm such an idiot at times," Will whispered; regret dripping from his voice, "and I don't know why you put up with me and my shit."

Mac still didn't reply but she slid her arms a little higher until they rested around his neck and then simply turned her head slightly and let her cheek rest against his chest, gazing up into his watery eyes.

"Can I change my mind?" Will murmured a couple of moments later when neither of them had said a word, "can I join you?"

"Huh?" Mac finally mumbled from Will's arms and although it was just a 'huh', Will was grateful to finally hear some words from her mouth.

Will nodded his head towards the space beside her in the bed and shrugged his shoulders, "maybe we can talk?"

"Only if you want to," Mac whispered as she pulled herself from Will's arms and shuffled up the bed, once again wrapping her arms around her knees, "I don't want to force you."

Will sat for a moment on the edge of her bed and wondered just how the hell to start this conversation, to fix this extra mess he'd created this evening. If he was honest he was desperate go and get that glass of scotch from his room, certain that that would help the situation, but the vision of his father quickly returned to his brain and that was a strong enough image to make him never touch another drop again.

"I don't want to be like him Kenz," Will said so very quietly a few seconds later without moving his eyes from the spot on the carpet he had been staring at. His head was bowed and he was half terrified that Mac would say he already was and if she did, well Will knew he would walk away now and never return.

"You're not your father," Mac replied simply, much to Will's relief, but he could tell her heart wasn't really in it, she didn't sound like the supportive Mackenzie she always was to him. "I've told you that before," Mac added as she watched Will shake his head.

"You don't think me constantly hurting you is any different to what he did to my mother?"

"It is different Will, of course it is. I've never once thought you'd raise a hand to me, never."

"I wouldn't," Will replied instantly his head shooting up to look at her, "You know that don't you?"

"Of course you idiot, of course I know," Mac assured him a look of complete trust forming on her face for a moment.

"But I still hurt you Mackenzie," Will murmured, "whether it's physical or not, I'm still hurting you now even after everything that's happened between us over the past week, I'm still fucking hurting you."

Will hated hearing the actual words leave his lips even though he knew them to be true. For a moment he prayed that Mac would just simply utter that he wasn't, that everything was just fine but Mac closed her eyes and rested her chin on her knees and offered no response.

"I don't know why I do," Will whispered sadly, "I don't want to, I know that much."

Will watched as Mackenzie tried to process his words and waited patiently for an answer. When none came and Mac looked up at him for a moment and then rested her head on her knees again sighing loudly almost as if she just had no idea what the hell to say.

Maybe she had finally run out of words to help him?

"You always hurt the ones you love," Will said so softly a moment later, not daring to even look at Mackenzie anymore, "I remember my Mom saying that to me once. Maybe she was right after all."

"Maybe she was," Mac replied quietly with her eyes tightly closed trying hard not to let any more tears actually escape.

That was enough for Will, he couldn't take this anymore. He stood and started to pace the room not knowing what the hell to do to make all this shit right again. This had been his biggest fear for weeks now, his one and only fear of getting back together with her was that somehow, between them, they'd do something to fuck it up and that she'd leave for good this time. He knew deep down that he simply couldn't survive without her anymore, not at work and most definitely not at home, either.

Will finally looked at Mackenzie feeling the panic and fear rise up within him but once Mackenzie caught his eye she didn't let the contact between them break and he seemed to calm a little. With her eyes still one hundred per cent fixed on his she let a small smile come to her lips and patted the space beside her on the bed.

"I thought you were joining me?" she asked, her voice sounding so calm and in control and for that Will was so very grateful. "I can't talk with you pacing like that Will, you're making me anxious."

Will nodded, understanding the silent pleading in her eyes for him to join her, and made his way onto the other side of the bed sitting in the exact same position as her, his back against the headboard and his knees bought up to his chest. For a couple of moments they both sat in silence until finally Mackenzie reached for his hand and slipped her fingers between his.

"Look," Mackenzie started, knowing she was going to have to be the one to start this conversation, Will had never been great at emotional talks and from the terrified look in his eye right now things hadn't changed much in that department over the years.

"Whatever the hell is happening between us right now Will, and I swear I have no idea what is happening between us, I want you to forget it all okay?"

Will looked up slightly confused, "forget it?" he clarified, "us?"

"I want you to sort things out here in Nebraska first okay? Before we even attempt to talk about us?"

"But I thought you wanted to talk?" Will asked, squeezing her fingers a little tighter in his.

"I do Will, but that can wait until we're back in New York. You've got enough on your plate right now with everything that's going on with your father, the last thing you need is all this extra…." Mac paused for a moment really not knowing how the hell to describe them and that was one of the things that had been getting at her this evening, "all these extra emotions going through your head," she finally finished, her words leaving Will a little surprised.

Will immediately closed his eyes and rested his head back against the headboard trying to figure out what he should do. He wanted more than anything to just forget everything that had happened between them over the last hour or so but he also knew that what they were putting off was soon going to explode one way or the other, they were coming to a turning point of sorts and he knew Mackenzie knew that too.

"Will?"

"I don't want to hurt you anymore Mac," Will finally whispered wanting to get his original point over to Mac,

"You're not," Mackenzie lied.

"I don't want to hurt you like he hurt my mother," Will repeated, his eyes still closed and his head still against the headboard.

"Will, listen to me," Mac said, squeezing his hand hard so he opened his eyes, "You're not your father Will you hear me? I've told you that before, not only just now but years ago, remember?"

"Yeah, but you're wrong. I am," Will replied quietly his eyes meeting hers for the first time in a few minutes, "I've made you cry this evening like I haven't seen you cry in a long time, not since…."

Will bit his lip and couldn't make himself finish his sentence. He wanted to say he hadn't seen her cry like this since the night they split up, since that awful night where she sobbed and begged him for forgiveness only for him to turn and leave her apartment leaving her alone and utterly devastated with no one to turn to.

"Hey, come on, I just said we didn't have to talk tonight," Mac interrupted his thoughts knowing exactly where his mind was at that moment.

"I hate to see you cry," Will whispered in reply, refusing to take the option of forgetting this conversation that Mac was offering him. Mac let go of his hand and turned herself around so that she was as close to Will as she could be without actually touching him.

"Hey, did you ever stop to think that some of those tears were aimed at me? That I'm crying at my own actions? Me getting upset at what I did to us before? I hate it Will, I hate that I've done exactly the same to you that your mother did to your father and that's what upset me, that I'm probably responsible for everything you're feeling right now and I'm responsible for making you think you're like your father?"

"No…." Will interrupted but Mackenzie carried on with her rant not even listening to Will trying to calm her.

"You're not your father Will," Mackenzie repeated, "If you say you are then I'm your mother aren't I? I had a good thing, I had a perfect thing and I fucked it up. I'm your mother, I'm the one responsible for everything going wrong and on top of that Will the tears are because as much as I try and try I can't do a bloody thing about it. I can't make things better for you and I can't fucking fix us."

Mac bit her lip hard as she finished speaking, she was absolutely refusing to let any more tears fall tonight but each time she thought of the damn irony of this whole situation she felt the tears start to well up inside of her. It was almost as if God above was now starting to punish her for the mess she'd created just as Will was starting to forgive her.

"That's all in the past," Will replied simply turning to face Mackenzie, "I told you we're moving on, we're moving forward."

"But we're not Will, are we? Yes, there's all these wonderful little moments between us, these little touches, the holding hands, the hugging but it's not in the past is it? I can see it in your eyes Billy, I can see it from the way you still hurt so much," Mac whispered, and God, I'd do anything to take that hurt away from you, anything."

Will sighed and closed his eyes again; hardly able to look at her heartbroken face right now and knowing he just didn't have the words to show her she was wrong. He let her words swirl around his all too confused mind and suddenly it hit him. She did make it better, all the little touches today, the smiles, the feeling of utter joy she'd bought him today on what had been possibly one of the hardest days of his adult life. There had been moments today and in fact all week that had filled his heart to the top and every one of those moments was Mackenzie, simply Mackenzie. He thought back to just last night in his lounge, how perfect it was with him cooking for her and then them watching the movie. He thought back to the most amazing day he'd had on Sunday with her at the Met and then God, how he had been so damn stupid to not realise everything before.

Will opened his eyes and turned to Mac praying that those unshed tears in her eyes wouldn't fall right now. He really did hate to see her cry and all he wanted to do was make it all better for her, for them both.

"Mac…you're the only one in this life of mine that could ever take the hurt away, you know that right? Jesus, you do already. You've been doing it all day, all week, all year probably, but it's me that's stopping it from going further, me that's stopping it from going away completely and that's what I'm trying to work on with Habib, I promise."

"Really?" Mac asked, the shock from his words making her feel slightly shaky inside.

"What's happened in the past isn't going to affect us any more Mackenzie I swear. We can't change it but I can change here and now and by me changing now we can change our future together. It's me Mac, me that needs to get my head out of my ass and see what's right in front of me."

"You're not just saying that?" Mac whispered and he could see her biting her bottom lip hoping and praying that he was speaking the truth.

"Anyone can see it Kenz. Iris could see it today, Mary could see it today. We have to move forward."

"But I want you to do this because you want it Billy, not for Iris, not for Mary, not even for me…. It has to be for you, because you want it."

"I do," Will replied simply, with a slight hesitation in his voice.

"I sense a but?" Mac whispered back.

"I'm just so scared," Will finally admitted closing his eyes and hoping beyond hope Mackenzie understood.

"And you think I'm not? I'm terrified Will, I'm terrified right now and have been for months. The only time I'm not terrified is when you hug me or hold my hand."

Slowly a smile started to appear on Mac's face and that easily gave Will all the encouragement he needed right now. He inched himself a little closer to Mac and without even thinking of the consequences, he closed the small distance between them and ever so gently pressed his lips to hers in the softest and sweetest of kisses. It only lasted a few seconds and it wasn't a kiss of built up passion but simply a kiss of love and of wanting so much to make her feel better.

The small smile that had made its way to Mac's face a few seconds ago was starting to spread fully from ear to ear which did so much to lighten the heavy feeling in Will's heart.

"Will?"

"Shhh…don't even ask me to explain that…." Will replied, leaning in again and resting his forehead against hers, still revelling in the feeling of her lips against his for the first time in years.

"I only wanted a cuddle," Mac whispered a moment later, causing Will to pull back and gently cup her cheek in his hand.

"What?"

"When you first came in here and I said to get into bed and talk? I only wanted a cuddle but I didn't think I could say that to you without you flipping out on me."

Will pulled back a little further and couldn't help but laugh, it was so Mackenzie-like to create a whole situation just from wanting something so small and being too scared to ask him. He popped another tiny kiss onto her lips and then sat back and held his arms open wide for her to join him.

"Hey, a cuddle I can do!"

Mackenzie didn't hesitate, she scooted across the bed to his side and was in his arms with her head resting against his chest in seconds flat. She wrapped her own arms around his stomach and held on for all she was worth.

Will took a deep breath and let his eyes flutter shut for a moment. He knew this talking bit wasn't done with completely but he did feel a little better about the whole situation, that he'd at least made up a little for fucking it up so gloriously an hour or so ago.

Now onto the next step he thought to himself. Everything seemed so fragile right now and he knew they had to take it slow, snail pace even, but he had to have more to cling to right now.

"So," Will said hesitantly a few seconds later, "I was just thinking…if maybe I can I take you out to dinner one night next week? Maybe after the show on Friday? If you're not doing anything?"

"We go out to dinner all the time," Mac answered rubbing her hand softly up and down his chest, knowing it sounded something different that he was asking but needing to be sure all the same.

Will sighed, it never used to be this difficult asking her out in the past. "I know," he whispered, pressing a brief kiss to the top of her head, "But I thought, you know, maybe a special dinner?"

"Special?"

"Yes Mackenzie, special."

"Like a date you mean?" Mac asked, giggling to herself.

Will hesitated for a moment and pulled her a little tighter into his chest, "Yeah, like a date if you'd like to call it that."

Mac couldn't help but let a massive smile erupt onto her face and she lifted her head to look at the matching silly grin on Will's face.

"A proper date?" she clarified, teasing him a little now.

"Yes. A proper date," Will whispered and pressed a soft kiss again to her head as she collapsed again onto his chest and sighed before suddenly leaning up and pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw.

"I take it that's a yes then?"

"Hmmm," Mackenzie mused with a hint of playfulness in her voice, which Will didn't miss, "I suppose I could be free Friday night."

"Then I suppose you should be ready as soon after the show as you can," Will whispered pulling her close and shutting his eyes tightly wanting nothing more than to fall into the deepest of sleeps with Mackenzie still in his arms.

Mac reached down and pulled up the duvet and spread it across the pair of them as Will settled into her side. So they had a date she thought to herself as she listened to his gentle breathing but if she was honest she knew they still had to talk more, today's outburst may have been sorted but Will was feeling insecure and vulnerable here in Nebraska and Mac wondered if that was the reason for the date? She just hoped he didn't change his mind the moment they were back in New York.


	7. Chapter 7

When Will woke early the next morning Mac was still asleep in his arms. Mac was usually the first awake but she'd had such an emotional night he wasn't surprised that she was still asleep. He wasn't moving for the world. She was going to wake up with him still holding her.

It wasn't long until he felt Mac start moving, waking up. She squeezed his side with the arm that she had wrapped around his waist and opened her eyes.

"Good morning, Kenz," Will said and kissed her head.

She sat up and stretched, her shirt riding up giving Will a view of her stomach. "Good morning. Could you not sleep?"

"I was watching you sleep," he said catching sight of the scar on her stomach.

She saw where his eyes were and pulled her shirt up so he could see the full scar.

"Mac," he whispered and then looked up, catching her eyes.

"It's okay, you may look and touch, if you want."

He slowly reached his hand out as if he was going to be burnt but he finally touched the scar. It was raised and jagged. "Does it hurt at all?"

"Not physically."

"Emotionally, you mean?" he asked.

She nodded her head and closed her eyes, feeling him touch the scar. He'd always assumed that she'd gotten better physically and dealt with the emotional aspects of the injury, he'd never considered she was still dealing with the emotional side of the attack. "Have you talked to someone?" he asked.

"Can't. I mean, I've tried, but I'd go and sit in a leather chair for an hour and cry. I couldn't talk about it, and I really still am not able to," she admitted.

"Could you tell me?" he asked quietly. He didn't think there was anything she couldn't do and he wanted to help any way he could.

"I doubt it. I'll try, but most likely not. This isn't your problem to fix, Will."

He wanted to help her. She'd helped him so much by being there and letting him talk when he wanted to that he wanted that for her, too.

"How about I want to help you. I want you to feel better about what happened and be able to deal with those feelings."

She thought about what he said. "Let me think about it, okay? I'm not saying no, but now is not the time."

"Whenever you're ready, okay?" he said looking into her eyes.

She nodded and smiled at him. "Thanks for holding me last night and for the cuddles."

"Please don't ever be afraid to ask me anything, Mac."

She had her lip between her teeth and nodded. He wasn't convinced but he at least put it out there for her to think about.

"What's the plan for the day?" she asked, hoping to move them onto another subject.

"How about we go to Mary's for breakfast and then I want to go see my father again and talk to him for a while."

"Okay, that sounds good. Go take a shower and I'll get ready and we can go," she said starting to get out of bed.

He grabbed her hand before she got too far and pulled her into his arms. She relaxed against his chest and hugged him. He was running his hand through her hair, holding her head against his shoulder. She knew he was still worried and upset about what had happened last night and let him hold her for as long as he wanted. He kissed her temple and eased her back.

"I'm going to go take a quick shower and get ready," he said and got out of bed.

She nodded and got out of bed, too. When he got to their connected doors he turned and asked, "do you want these closed?"

She looked at him and said, "no, leave them open." She was talking about more than simply the doors and they both knew that. He smiled and nodded and walked into his room.

Mac was ready before Will and knocked on his door. He walked away from the sink with a toothbrush in his mouth and saw her standing there ready to go. He motioned for her to come in and motioned toward the bed. She sat on the bed watching him. He had on a pair of jeans and had a towel around his neck. He hadn't yet put on a shirt. She couldn't help but stare at him and he caught her eyes in the mirror and smiled at her. He finished brushing his teeth and grabbed a polo shirt out of his suitcase and pulled it on all with her watching him.

"Not going to shave?" she asked.

He sat next to her and took her hand in his and placed it on his cheek. "Do I need to?" he asked.

She ran her fingers across his cheek and said, "still soft. You're not prickly yet."

He pulled her hand from his cheek and kissed her palm. "Lonny is already in the car," he said. "You ready to go?"

"I am. I'm starving, too."

"Breakfast is Mary's speciality."

"Good, let's go eat," she said.

Lonny drove them to the diner and they all sat at the bar. After hugs Mary brought them all coffee and asked them what they'd like for breakfast.

Mac ordered the breakfast special as did Will and Lonny. Mary was sure that Will and Lonny would be able to eat all of the breakfast but she wasn't so sure about Mac. After fixing their breakfasts and placing the plates in front of them Mary shouldn't have worried about Mac at all. She finished every bite of her breakfast. Will pushed his plate to her so she could finish his hash browns. Mac smiled at him and squeezed his arm.

"What are you up to today?" Mary asked.

"I need to talk to my father this morning," Will explained.

"If you're around this afternoon Mel is supposed to be stopping by about four," Mary said.

"If we're close I'll stop by and say hello. We've not seen each other in years," Will explained.

Will pulled out his wallet and placed some money under his water glass. "Thank you for breakfast. You're eggs are still the best in town," he said with a smile as Mary was making coffee.

"Breakfast was excellent, thank you, Mary," Mac agreed with Will.

"Come by after while. I'm making cherry pies today."

Mac was watching Will's reaction and smiled. This woman knew how to make Will very happy. Truth be told it was probably more of the woman herself than her cooking but that part didn't hurt at all. Mac had never seen Will enjoy meals so much, not even five star meals.

"We should go," Will said. Lonny got up as did Will and Mac. "I'll see you later, Mary," Will said.

"Good luck today, my boy."

"Thanks," he replied.

Mac and Lonny both said good-bye to Mary and followed Will out of the diner. Lonny drove Will and Mac, who were sitting in the backseat, to the facility where Will's father was staying. "I'll be down here," Lonny said when Will and Mac got out of the car.

They walked in and took the elevator up to John's floor. They were walking toward his room when a nurse stopped them. "Are you here to see Mr. McAvoy?"

"Yes," Will answered.

"He had a very bad night. He's not doing very well," she said trying to prepare them. "We have him hooked up to monitors today."

"Is he conscious?" Mac asked.

"Of the few times I've been in today he's only been awake once, but he was able to talk to me when he was awake."

When Mac looked up at Will he had a look of panic on his face.

"Thank you," Mac said to the nurse and moved Will toward his father's room. When they were outside his door Mac took Will's hand in hers and together they walked in to his father's room. There were monitors everywhere they looked.

"He seemed so with it yesterday," Will said.

The nurse followed them in and was taking John's vitals. She turned to them and said, "yesterday was a really good day for him. Those hadn't happened very often, recently. You were here yesterday, weren't you?"

"We were," Mac said. She pushed Will into the chair by his father's bedside and placed her hands on his shoulders. "How is he doing?"

"He's getting weaker, but like I said, he talked to me earlier, about an hour ago," the nurse explained.

"Thank you," Mac said as the nurse left the room. Mac pulled a chair up next to Will's and together they sat there watching John and all of the monitors, holding hands and not speaking.

After about an hour John coughed and opened his eyes. Will stood up and sat on the side of the bed with Mac standing beside him. "How are you feeling?" Will asked.

"Tired," John said in a quiet voice. "You ask Iris?"

"I did," Will said. "She told me everything. I'm sorry you had to go through that, I know how much that hurts," he said. Mac was hoping that the floor would open up and she could fall into a hole. He looked at Mac and said, "I also know what it's like to love someone so completely and I wouldn't trade that for the world."

"Don't waste time, Willie," John whispered.

"I won't," he said. "Do you need anything? Water, ice chips, anything?"

Will could tell he wanted to ask something but was hesitant. "It's okay, what can I do?"

"Sit here with me," John said with tears flowing out of his eyes.

Will grabbed a tissue and wiped the tears off his father's cheeks and said, "I'll be right here."

John closed his eyes and Will didn't move. Mac grabbed several tissues and sat next to Will on the side of the bed, rubbing his back. They didn't move for hours. Nurses and assistants came in and out of the room checking on both John and them. They brought them bottles of water and left snacks on the table in case anyone was hungry. Mac had her forehead resting on the back of Will's shoulder when they heard one of the monitor's alarms go off and immediately the room was flooded with hospice personnel. Will and Mac were moved away from the bed but still allowed in the room. Will had Mac standing in front of him and he had one arm wrapped around her neck and across her chest and the other around her waist. Her hands were wrapped around his arm that was across her chest. He felt her tears hit his arm.

Several other alarms all went off and they watched John's heart monitor flat line. Will had no idea how or what to feel at that moment. Mac turned in his arms and pulled him to her shoulder. They stood there holding one another until the nurse came up to them and rubbed both of their backs. They both looked at the nurse and she said, "I'm so sorry."

"Thank you," Will said very quietly. Mac nodded.

"Take as much time as you want," the nurse said and all of the hospice personnel left the room and pulled the door shut behind themselves, giving Will and Mac some privacy.

Will walked over to the bed and sat on the side again and picked up his father's lifeless hand and held it in his. Mac came back and stood next to him, rubbing his shoulder. "I don't know how to feel," he said with tears in his eyes, looking up at Mac. "I hated him for so long for everything he did to me and my siblings and my mother but now that I know more of the story, I have no idea how to feel."

"There is no right or wrong way, Billy."

They remained at John's bedside for almost an hour. Mac didn't know what was going through Will's head but he looked up and asked, "will you help me plan the funeral?"

"Yes. We should start calling your family," Mac said.

Will nodded his head and got up off of the bed and leaned over and kissed his father's forehead before grabbing Mac's hand and leading them out of the room.

The nurse that had spoken with them after John had died was at the nurse's station. Will walked up to her and said, "thank you."

"You're welcome. Will you be making the arrangements?" she asked.

"Yes, this afternoon most likely."

"Please let us know when the service will be, Mr. McAvoy."

Will nodded and Mac made note of the nurse's nametag so they could specifically let her know. Mac led Will to the elevator and called Lonny to let him know they were on their way down. Lonny could tell from her voice that the worst had happened.

When they arrived at the car Lonny had it running and was waiting on them beside the car. He shook Will's hand and pulled him into a brief hug and said, "I'm so sorry, Will."

"Thanks, Lonny," Will said and climbed into the car. Mac followed him in and Lonny drove them to Iris's house with Will giving him directions.

Once they'd arrived at Iris's house Will made his way onto the porch and watched as Mackenzie spoke with Lonny, about what Will had no idea but he presumed Mac was in full organizational mode making sure he had as little to worry about as possible. He watched Lonny drive away, and he sat down on the swing bench in the corner of the porch and let himself swing back and forth for a moment or two, almost grinning to himself as he thought how child-like he felt at that moment. God, this place was provoking so many memories for him and just like yesterday they all seemed to wash over him all at once.

Visions of sunny afternoons sat on this swing swirled around his head, visions of bringing Mel here after his dates with her because there was absolutely no way he could ever have taken her home, visions of one Christmas day when his father had drunken himself into a frenzy and Will had pulled his sisters and brother into his arms and marched them the two streets to Iris' only to find their aunt wasn't in. Will had sat on the porch swing that night with his sisters huddled in his arms and told them all sorts of crazy tales to keep them all from thinking too much of what was going on at home. Iris had found the four of them freezing and hungry that Christmas night and she hadn't spoken a civil word to her brother since.

"I've told Lonny that we'll call him when we need a ride," Mac said, interrupting Will's memories, as she made her way over towards him, "I guess we'll be here for a couple of hours?"

"Guess so," Will said as he stopped the bench from swinging for a moment and patted the space next to him, indicating for Mac to sit.

"Are we not going in?" Mac asked nodding her head towards the front door.

"In a minute," Will mumbled, his eyes roaming up and down the street, "I just want to sit for a moment."

"But what about Iris," Mac whispered, "We should tell her Billy."

Will didn't answer but simply patted the bench again. This time Mac sat down and sighed as Will started to swing them ever so gently back and forth. For a minute or so neither said a word, both enjoying the utter peace and quiet of the moment but Mackenzie soon turned her head slightly to see a dejected, thoughtful look on Will's face.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she asked, laying her hand on his thigh and rubbing it gently, soothingly, the way she knew Will liked it.

Will thought for a moment before looking up at Mackenzie's face, the look of total adoration on her face at that moment absolutely melted him and although he was a man that often kept his most inner thoughts to himself he couldn't help but give into her wishes as he watched the silent pleading in her eyes. He rested his hand atop of hers on his thigh and locked his fingers in between hers.

"You know, when I was a kid I used to sit and swing here and wonder what the hell I'd done wrong to deserve a father like him."

"You didn't do anything wrong Will, you know that."

"I know," Will whispered, "I know that now but to an eleven or twelve year old kid none of it really made sense. I'd see other families walk by, fathers with sons and they seemed to be so happy. I longed for happiness like that, for my father to look at me the same way other fathers looked at their sons."

Mac looked up to see Will's eyes firmly shut but she could just about make out a tear creeping out the corner of his left eye. Will must have sensed Mac was watching him because he stubbornly reached up and brushed the tear from his eye. At that moment, her heart ached even more than it usually did for him and she slowly reached for his hand again, taking it in hers and squeezing it tightly hoping that he could tell from her simple actions that she was there for him.

"I was wracking my brain on the way over here and I can only remember one day when he actually looked at me like other fathers did. There might have been other times I suppose, maybe when I was younger but I can only remember one day."

"When was that?"

"My first ever baseball game," Will said softly. His eyes were focussed on something way in the distance but he did have a slight smile on his face. "I was baseball crazy as a kid but I'd never been to a game. I used to badger anyone who would listen, almost beg them to take me to a game and one day, out of the blue, Dad came home on a Monday night and told me we were going away for a couple of days, just me and him."

Will laughed a little nervous laugh and looked at Mac for a second or two before he went back to his spot in the distance. "I was worried at first, I was eleven and I knew what he was like by then but he said so casually "Willie, it's time you went to a ball game and it's time I took you." I remember the words so clearly, even to this day and you know what, as an eleven-year-old kid, I forgave him everything in that moment that had happened before. I was so damn happy to be going to a game with him that I couldn't have cared about anything in the past."

"Willie?" Mac giggled, causing Will to chuckle and then shake his head.

"Yeah I know…Mom called me that all the time as a kid," Will said and Mac didn't miss the look of longing in his eye at the memory of his mom. "You know, I think that's the only time I ever recall Dad calling me it though, until today."

"I heard that," Mac whispered rubbing Will's arm gently.

"Honestly, I really do think that's the first time he's called me that since that night in 1972."

"What happened with the game? Did he take you?"

"Yeah," Will whispered, smiling at the memory, "It was great, probably the best couple of days of my life at the time which sounds stupid I know, but it was."

Will swung the bench a little more and Mac watched as a smile spread across his face. "August 8, 1972, I remember every detail about it like it was yesterday. Dad borrowed a car from someone, I have no idea who, and we drove down to St. Louis on a Tuesday morning. We were in that car for hours but Dad was telling me stories the whole way, baseball stories about players and the history of the game, about the days when he used to play that it felt like we were only in that car an hour tops. We spent the day driving and talking, then it was a moment in life I'd never forget as we walked into the stadium, I swear there was no better feeling in life at the time, I was so fucking happy, I thought all my birthdays and Christmases had come at once."

Will chuckled again and stole a look across to a smiling Mackenzie. "Cardinals beat the New York Mets 6-5 and I've been hooked ever since."

"You took me to a Mets versus Cardinals game once," Mac whispered remembering one of their dates from five years ago.

Will nodded and smiled again at Mac, "I always try to catch the Cardinals when they play the Mets, even now."

"You should have told me why," Mac whispered, wishing she'd known back then just how important that fixture was to him.

"I didn't know you well enough back then, Kenz."

Mac nodded, fully understanding what he was saying and rested her head slightly on Will's shoulder.

"We ended up staying overnight in St. Louis because I just kept begging Dad to take me again. I remember we slept in the car and Dad got us tickets for the game the following night. Cardinals lost 8 to 3 that night but I didn't care. I told Dad driving home I was going to be a baseball player and boy was I determined for years to come…I went back to school that fall determined to be the next Bob Gibson."

"And he was?"

"Pitcher for the Cardinals but he was originally from Nebraska, a real hero in these parts in the late 60s."

"Maybe we could catch the game together? You know, next time the Cardinals come to the Mets?" Mac whispered causing Will to smile and squeeze her hand affectionately.

"I'd love that," Will replied as he shifted and slung an arm around Mackenzie's shoulder, "But I just don't get how he changed so much. I remember he didn't touch a single drop of liquor those couple of days. How can he be such a great Dad while we were away and then be a bastard from hell as soon as we got back? He had it in him Kenz, he had it in him to love us…to love me. Why did he hate me so much?"

Will's voice trailed off and he shook his head sadly.

"I don't think he hated you," Mac said, trying to convince Will of the odd signs she'd seen over the last couple of days. "I know he didn't show it at all but I think he loved you deep down Billy. His actions showed that today."

"Well, he had a fucking bad way of showing it," Will said, his voice laced with anger again.

Mac lifted her head from his shoulder and saw a second tear creep out of Will's eye and down his cheek but again he instantly swiped at the tears, removing all trace of them from his cheek.

"It's okay to cry," Mac whispered, as she raised his hand to her mouth and pressed the softest of kisses to the back of his hand.

Will shook his head but still didn't open his eyes. "I swore to myself a long time ago I would never shed another tear over him," Will said, his voice barely a whisper, "and whatever has happened I won't go back on that particular promise."

Mac swore she felt her heart break a little as she watched him bite his lip and squeeze his eyes shut even tighter trying so desperately hard to be brave and not cry. She let go of his hand and shuffled a little closer so she could pull him into her arms and was surprised to find that Will didn't fight it, he let Mackenzie wrap her arms around him and Mac heard the faintest of sobs as he finally buried his head into the space between her shoulder and her neck.

"Shhh…it's okay," Mac cooed as she gently rubbed circles into his back knowing from old that he loved the soothing feeling of having his back rubbed.

"I don't know why it's getting to me so much," Will whispered into her shoulder a few moments later.

"Because whatever's happened in the past Will, he's still your father."

"But I've hated him for so long," Will said lifting his head and looking at Mac for some kind of magical answer. "I hated him Mac, for most of my adult life I've wished him dead and now…now it's happened I can't believe I actually feel upset about it. What the hell's wrong with me?"

Before Mackenzie had the chance to answer, Will suddenly sat up straight as Iris appeared at the front window obviously wondering why they were sitting on the front porch alone. She smiled briefly at her nephew and then disappeared again, obviously making her way out to the porch.

"Oh God, I can't tell her Mac," Will whispered, shaking his head slightly, "how the hell do I tell Iris, tell my sisters? I feel like such a fucking fraud right now."

"Hey, you're not a fraud because you're upset over your father dying Will, they'll all understand…he's still your father and they're still your family. Everyone's going to be feeling the same."

"I've hardly spoken to my little sister for years because of how easily she forgave him for the past, how can I now look her in the eye and seem upset over what's happened?"

"Will, she won't judge you, she's an adult now, she's not that little girl you protected for so long."

But Will was on a roll with his worries and concerns, he wasn't listening and he certainly wasn't taking in anything Mackenzie was saying.

"Iris fell out with her own brother over me, she actually chose me over her own brother and I can't sit here and…."

"Will?"

Both Will and Mackenzie looked up to see Iris standing by the front door with a knowing look on her face, Will could tell just from the look in her eyes that she already knew what had happened.

"It's okay," Iris said in almost a whisper, "Peter called and told me."

Will nodded, hardly surprised that his brother was obviously the contact the hospital had, and stole a very brief look at Mackenzie before turning his attention back to his aunt. Iris took a couple of paces towards them and held her arms out to Will but Will didn't move. Instead he took a deep breath and shook his head.

"I'm glad he's dead."


	8. Chapter 8

Mackenzie's head shot round from Iris to Will as she heard the words leave his lips. She was so shocked to see the wild look on his face. Gone was the Will she'd been with all day and in his place seemed to be the angry, hurt Will she'd sadly seen too many times over the years, the Will that put on a mask and pretends that he's not hurting when anyone that really knows him knows he is. Mac let her hand reach out for him. "Billy?"

"No, I mean it," Will said taking a sharp intake of breath and looking straight past Mackenzie to Iris, "the old bastard got what he deserved."

"Will, you don't mean that," Iris whispered holding her arms out again, "Let's go inside and get some lemonade, it's all going to be okay."

"I do mean it, I'm sick of this, of feeling sad and pity for him. He deserved every ounce of pain he's had. I'm glad he's gone."

"Let's go inside," Iris repeated, wanting to avoid any kind of scene with Will on the street. She knew Will enough to know that he was more than likely about to blow a gasket right now and she sure as hell didn't want him on the street when that happened.

"I'm going for a walk," Will said abruptly and started to make his way off the front porch.

"Will. Wait," Mac said as she tried to reach for his hand but he pushed her arm away angrily and shook his head, "I need to be alone right now, I can't handle all this damn talking about it."

Mac started to follow but Iris grabbed at her arm as she walked past her, surprising Mackenzie with her strength.

"Let him be alone for a while honey."

Mac turned to Iris and then swung her head back to Will stalking up the road towards God knows where. "But he shouldn't be alone right now, whatever he says he's upset by all of this."

"Of course he is honey but believe me, I've seen that look of pretence on his face more times than I've had hot dinners over the years and he just needs to blow it off. He'll be back when he's ready or when he's hungry, whichever comes first."

"I promised him I'd help him through this, that I'd be there for him."

"And you are but just let him calm down on his own for a little while. He'll go for a walk and he'll be back, you'll see."

Mac watched as Will shoved his hands in his pockets and walked up the road without once even turning back. Mac took a deep breath and let it all out at once and wondered whether she was doing the right thing, whether she should let him be alone or chase the hell after him.

"Come on honey," Iris said, taking Mackenzie by the hand and leading her inside making the decision for her, "he'll be just fine."

Iris led Mac into the kitchen and sat her at the table and poured her a glass of lemonade.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," Iris said sitting down across from her with her own glass of lemonade.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Iris," Mac said.

Iris simply nodded. She could tell how upset Mac was by Will's reaction and his storming off. Iris knew that Will needed to get things straight in his head and once he'd done that he could move forward but he wouldn't until he'd figured it out for himself.

"Do you know where he'd go?" Mac asked.

Iris smiled. "There's an old ball field up the road, not too far, that was where he used to go. It worried me something fierce the first time he stalked off like that but he came back and apologized for his behavior. He was eight years old the first time it happened."

"I wish I could help him somehow," Mac said, almost to herself.

"You are and you make him so happy. He may not come right out and say that but I speak Will McAvoy and I can tell you he loves you so very much."

Mac smiled. "I love him, Iris," she said reaching out her hand to take Iris'.

"I can tell. You are both very lucky to have each other."

"I want to make this as easy for him as possible, for all of your family. Do you know if any funeral arrangements have been made?"

"Not that I know if, but Will's sisters and brother may have more information and they may have discussed it with John. I don't see them very often. I hear from Peter more than the girls."

"Do they all still live around here?" Mac asked wondering how they could not come and visit such a wonderful woman as Iris who had been nothing but kind to her.

"The girls live in Omaha, that's about an hour away. Peter lives here still."

"Are any of them married?" Mac asked.

"None of them are, actually. Do you have family here in the states?" Iris asked.

Mac smiled at her. "No my family is in England. The closest I have here is Will."

"You'll officially be family soon enough."

Mac swallowed some of her lemonade hard and said, "excuse me?"

Iris smiled. "The two of you love one another. It won't take Will long to officially make you a part of the family."

"Iris as much as I'd love that, there is a lot you don't know and we have a long way to go. I hurt him very badly a few years ago. We're just now getting back to a place where we're comfortable with one another."

"He loves completely, Mac. I'm sure I don't have to tell you this but when he loves he does it all the way. There is no half way with him and thank God there isn't. He had it rough as a kid and I thank God every day for him coming out whole and a good man."

"He is a good man," Mac said agreeing with Iris.

Mac and Iris sat there chatting and getting to know one another for another hour and still there was no sign of Will.

"Should I go check on him?" Mac asked.

"I wouldn't. He needs to work this out in his head and once he has he'll come back to talk. He won't come back until he's figured out what he needs to for him to cope."

"I don't want him to think I've abandoned him," Mac said quietly.

"You didn't," Will said as he walked into the kitchen.

Mac was up and out of her chair and in his arms quickly. She'd wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tight. "Are you all right?" she whispered into his ear.

"I am. I needed to do some thinking," he said easing Mac out of his arms. He placed his arm around Mac's back and held her at his side and she reached around his waist. "I'm sorry for before and storming off," he said to both Mac and Iris.

Iris smiled at him and said, "My boy, there is no reason to apologize. I know you had some thinking to do. You did have this one worried, though," Iris said, her head nodding toward Mac.

"I'm sorry I worried you," Will said to Mac.

"As long as you're okay," she said squeezing his waist.

"I talked to Peter while I was at the ball field."

"How is he?" Iris asked.

"He's doing okay. He's going to come by and we're going to talk about preliminary funeral arrangements."

"Are your sisters coming, too?" Mac asked.

"No, not this afternoon. They're too upset. They said they'd come down tomorrow. We're all going to have breakfast together at Mary's to discuss the final arrangements."

"That's good that you are all doing this together," Mac said.

Will nodded. "Iris, may I talk to you for a minute, in private?"

Mac pulled her arm from around his waist and said, "I'm going to get some air."

Will watched Mac walk out to the porch, a hurt look on her face. "That could have gone better," he said to himself.

"She was worried sick about you," Iris said. "You've got to stop excluding her if you want to spend the rest of your life with her."

"I'll make sure she's all right after we're done. I wanted to apologize for my behavior from before."

"I thought you might outgrow the stalking off. Do you know how old you were the first time I saw you do that?"

Will shook his head.

"You were eight and you scared me to death. I had no idea where you'd gone or where to find you."

"Sometimes I need to be alone and think," Will said.

"You need to go make up with Mac is what you need to do young man."

Will smiled and said, "yes ma'am."

He turned to leave the kitchen when Iris said, "come here, first."

He walked into her arms and said, "I love you, Iris."

"I love you, too, Will. Now go make sure Mac is okay."

When he walked out on the porch Mac was in the swing, her arms crossed over her chest and he could see tear tracks on her cheeks. He sat down beside her and said, "are you all right?"

She nodded but didn't say anything to him. He put his arm around her and pulled her to his shoulder. She didn't wrap her arms around him but did accept him holding her, placing her head on his shoulder. "How much trouble am I in?" he asked, half kidding.

"I'm not your shrink and I'm not your wife, your choices are your own. I may not agree with them but that doesn't mean I won't support you."

"I'm trying, Mac, but I've done this by myself for a long time. Change is not something I do easily."

"No kidding," she said.

'Okay, I deserved that one…."

"No you didn't, I'm sorry. I'm frustrated that I can't help you and I honestly don't understand your behavior before you stalked off."

They sat there quietly for a moment, Will holding Mac but her arms were still across her chest. He needed to fix this, Iris was right, he couldn't keep shutting her out when all he wanted was her for the rest of his life.

"I don't know how to let you in to help, Mac. I've always pretty much done this on my own. I'm the one that doesn't let you in further, or help more. We talked about this last night. I want to let you in, Kenz, I really do, but the being scared of what that means doesn't just go away because I want it to."

"It exactly does go away because you want it to, Billy. Little by little you let it go. I know it doesn't all magically disappear at once, but instead of stalking off, maybe next time stay and talk it out with me. I'm not trying to run your life, I simply want to help."

"You do help," he said, rubbing her back.

"But you're not letting go of the hurt. Maybe you aren't ready for this and that's why you can't let go and are scared."

He was all of a sudden hearing warning bells in his head. She was about to suggest something he knew he wouldn't like, them stepping back and giving him time to figure out exactly what it is that he wants. He hated ultimatums.

"I know what I want," he said petulantly.

"Do you?" she asked.

"Fuck, Mac, you know I do. You know I want you and I want us to be able to move forward out of this fucking holding pattern we've been in for too long."

"Then why aren't we moving forward?"

"You think we're not?" he asked, confused.

"We have these little moments where I think we are but then it's like you realize we've moved forward and take a huge step back. I'm getting whiplash trying to follow your lead."

He was off the bench, pacing the length of the porch.

"Then maybe I shouldn't lead for a while," he suggested.

She smiled an unhappy smile. "You're the only one that can right now. You aren't ready for me to try and lead, or even let me try to move us forward."

"Maybe that is the answer," he said.

She looked confused. "What is?"

"You move us forward."

"And drag you kicking and screaming forward, you'd end up resenting me, no thanks."

He came to stand in front of her and knelt down, his hands on her knees. "No, that's not exactly what I meant, but maybe if I do give up some control it would be easier to move forward and I'd have to let you in more."

She didn't look convinced. "Will you think about it, at least?" Will asked.

"Of course," she said placing her hands on his.

A car pulling into the driveway interrupted them. Will pulled his hands out from underneath Mac's and stood and watched as the car came to a stop at the top of the driveway. The door opened and Mac watched as two long legs stepped out, followed by a long slim body and then a head belonging to one of the most beautiful women Mackenzie had ever seen.

Mackenzie didn't miss the smile that spread across the woman's face as her eyes met Will's and for some inexplicable reason Mac didn't like it. She didn't like how utterly gorgeous this woman was, she didn't like how immaculately dressed she was, she didn't like that her long blond flowing hair seemed like it had just stepped off a hair commercial and she didn't like that smile - that beautiful wide smile – she didn't like that it seemed to be aimed just for Will's heart.

"Well, look who finally came home," the woman almost drawled as she stepped up the two steps onto the front porch and headed towards Will, "Only three years too late for that date you promised to take me on!"

"Hey Mel," Will said, looking at Mac sheepishly before dropping her hand and making his way over to Melanie, "great to see you, you're looking good."

Mel nodded and smiled another dazzling smile that seemed to go from ear to ear. "I'd say 'long time, no see' but you're on my damn TV screen most every night."

Will chuckled but to Mackenzie it didn't seem his normal, natural laugh, it seemed false, the kind of laugh he used when he was uncomfortable and wanted a situation to simply go away.

"You're keeping well?" Will asked, "Your Mom said the business was going great."

"I could still use a partner if you feel like a new job. It's not too late to have 'McAvoy & Marshall' over that door"

"The job I have is just fine." Will said, sneaking a look over to a pouting Mackenzie.

Mel nodded and without a further word pulled Will into her arms and held him tightly, a little too tightly for Mackenzie's liking.

"It's so good to see you," Mel whispered softly into his ear as her hand gently rubbed Will's upper back. Mac looked away, unable to watch, as Mel settled her head against his shoulder, "you should come home more often Will."

"So everyone keeps telling me."

Mel sighed and seemed to clinch Will just a little bit tighter. "I'm sorry to hear about your Dad," she cooed, "I was with Mom when Iris called her."

"It's all right," Will muttered, as he eased himself away from Mel and stepped back a little, for some reason feeling a little guilty at such a public display of affection with anyone that wasn't Mackenzie, especially in front of Mackenzie and surely that meant something Will suddenly thought to himself. Maybe it meant that Mac was right earlier, maybe it was time to pull his thumb out of his ass and actually do something about this relationship that Mackenzie seemed to be offering him. He turned slightly and held his arm out to Mac and felt a little relieved when she stood from the swing and rested her hand on his lower back.

"Mel, this is Mackenzie or Mac for short, Mac this is Mel, Mary's daughter."

Mac stepped forward and held out her hand to shake Mel's, "It's good to meet you," she said politely, but there was something niggling at Mac and she felt a little ashamed of herself that it just might be jealousy towards the woman that she knew had Will's heart once upon a time.

"Ah, Mackenzie? Sender of the famous email?" Mel joked, but neither Will nor Mackenzie seemed very impressed with the comment.

"I can't believe that's even news out here," Mac said as she pulled her hand back and was happily surprised to find Will reach for it and wrap his own hand around hers tightly.

"Anything with Will is big news around here," Mel said sweetly, before nudging Will in the ribs, "He's the most famous person Lincoln has to offer!"

"If that's the case, you see why I stay in New York," Will said to Mel.

"I thought the email said you two were apart? That she…."

"Yep, but we've forgotten about that and moved on," Will interrupted, winking at Mackenzie as she shuffled a little nervously by his side, "Mac's learning how to send emails properly and I'm learning how to be a better boyfriend."

"I don't know, you were always a pretty good boyfriend in my opinion," Mel said, smiling sweetly at Mac, obviously trying to get her point across that she had once dated Will.

"Okay…." Will muttered under his breath and then almost thanked God above as Iris appeared in the hallway holding her arms out for Melanie to come and say hi.

"Be back in a minute," Mel said as she gently patted Will gently on the cheek and disappeared inside without even so much of a glance towards Mackenzie.

Will watched her head inside and then turned to a perplexed Mac, "well, that was awkward."

"I think somebody wanted to let me know that you used to be hers once upon a time," Mac said with a puzzled look.

Will shook his head and took a step towards Mackenzie, his face all of a sudden becoming serious, "I was hers once, when I was about eighteen," he whispered as he gently cupped the back of Mac's head in his hand, "but nobody can ever compare to you now, you know that don't you?"

"Billy," Mac gasped, totally taken aback by the look in Will's eye and the softness in his voice.

"Before she turned up I was about to say that I really am sorry about earlier, you know I don't mean to be such an idiot right?"

Mac shook her head and stepped the tiniest bit closer to Will, unable to get enough of the look in his eyes at that moment. "You're the reason the word 'frustrated' was invented Will," Mac sighed, "but for some peculiar reason I think you're worth it."

"I seem to spend all my time apologizing to you these last couple of days," Will said sadly.

"It's all right" Mac sighed, "you're allowed to be all over the place at the moment."

Will shrugged his shoulders and took both of Mackenzie's hands in his, "Even so, I am sorry."

Mac had no time to answer as Will leant a tiny bit closer and let his lips press onto hers for a moment or two. The kiss was so gentle and so sweet that Mackenzie was certain her legs might give way at any moment. God, the man was a ball of utter frustration, an hour ago she wanted to beat the crap out of him and now, just one tiny, beautiful, electric kiss and she was a jumbled mess of soppiness.

"Hey," Will whispered as he pulled back a moment later almost chuckling at Mackenzie's refusal to open her eyes. "Let's get out of here."

That soon got Mackenzie's attention; she opened her eyes and leaned both of her arms on Will's that were in turn now clinging onto her hips. "We can't Will, what about Mel?"

"What about her?"

"She's come to say hello, you can't just leave."

"Want to bet?" Will said winking at Mac, "stay here."

Will popped the briefest of kisses onto the tip of Mac's nose and quickly disappeared inside.


	9. Chapter 9

Before Mac had even had a chance to play back that kiss in her mind Will was back grinning to himself. He held his hand out for Mac to join him and before she even knew what was happening they were hand in hand strolling up the street to God knows where.

"What did you tell them?" Mac finally asked as they rounded the corner at the end of Iris' street.

"Breaking news," Will chuckled, "It waits for no-one!"

"Breaking news?"

"Yup. I told them we had to join an urgent conference call for an hour or so. We needed some privacy so were headed to the ball field for a while."

"Did they believe you?"

"Probably not but I don't care right now. I want to be alone with you, I don't want to make small talk with Mel and I don't really want to have to have whatever conversation Peter wants to have with me when he turns up."

"Will, you have to.…"

"I know," Will interrupted, "I know I have to talk to him at some point but just not right now okay?"

"Why does talking with your brother and sisters worry you so much?"

"Because I just don't think they like me very much, I'm a disappointment to them, it's easier for us all if we just see each other when we have to."

"Will, that's ridiculous. I haven't met any of your siblings but I'm sure they love you. How can they not love you?"

Will shrugged indifferently, ignoring Mackenzie's point and guided them around another corner until Mac suddenly found herself in a huge old run down ball park with Will pulling her towards a row of huge trees to the right.

"This is where I learned to play baseball," Will said proudly, "I spent way too much of my youth on this field."

Mac stopped and looked around, the grass had been kept short but it was one of those places that you could just tell was no longer used by the community. Will pulled Mac towards him and pointed to an area in the distance, "there is where I got the best pitching stats for a junior in Nebraska at the time. I remember that game was one of the few times both my Mom and Dad came to watch me play, I was fourteen but already my knee was giving me trouble, I think I knew then my body was not going to let me play this sport for much longer."

"I'm glad," Mackenzie, said as she linked her arm through his, "I might have never got to meet you if you stuck with baseball."

"Oh we'd have met somehow, believe me," Will chuckled and suddenly stopped, looking left and then right and then nodded his head at the tree in front of him, "this is the one."

Mac looked around confused as Will sat down on the grass and leant against the trunk of the huge oak tree, patting the space next to him for her to join him. Mac couldn't resist the silly grin on his face a moment longer so made her way over to him and settled down, cuddling straight into his side.

"This is the perfect spot you see," Will said still grinning. "Look left and you can see the entrance of the park and you can catch everyone coming in, including your parents when they are looking for you and you don't want to be found. Look right you can watch all the planes as they come into land and straight ahead is the most perfect spot to watch any game that happens to be on."

"I see," Mac said, arching her eyebrow and waiting for him to explain further.

"It's the perfect thinking spot, homework spot, even the most perfect spot to bring girls."

"Oh yeah," Mac joked, loving hearing about his childhood, even if it did include stories of girls. "So how, many girls did you bring here?"

Will chuckled and winked again at Mackenzie, "You're only the second to be honest!"

"Mel?" Mac questioned and Will nodded immediately.

"It's a pretty perfect spot to make out," Will said with that gorgeous grin so perfectly in place, "want to give it a go?"

Mac couldn't help but laugh out loud as Will began to chuckle, "Billy, you sound like you're sixteen years old and no, I want somewhere special, I don't want to be where you and Mel used to make out."

Will reached for Mac's hand and gently pressed a kiss to it. "I only ever bought her here once I promise, I prefer to think of it as the perfect thinking spot, you have no idea how much time I spent leaning against this tree thinking."

"You think too much Billy, sometimes it's better to just forget all the thinking and go with what your heart tells you to do."

It didn't take a genius to get what Mac was hinting at as she wrapped her arm around his waist and squeezed him tightly. She certainly wasn't talking about his childhood that was for sure.

The two sat in silence for a few moments before Mac sat up slightly and looked around, apart from one man walking his dog way over the back of the ball park they literally were the only people here.

"So, you can tell me to mind my own business but…."

"This sounds like trouble," Will interrupted but understanding from just one look he wasn't going to get out of whatever conversation Mac had in mind.

"What did Mel mean by three years late for a date?"

Will sighed and leant his head back against the tree, "do you really want to go into this now?"

"Yes, when she's looking at me like I've stolen the love of her life then yes I really do want to go into this now. So, if there's something I should know.…"

For a moment Will didn't say anything, he closed his eyes and shook his head slightly, "I bumped into her in New York just over three years ago and we…you know, ended up…."

"Sleeping together I'm guessing?" Mac said, unsure of what she felt about that thought. She could handle the thought of them sleeping together when they were eighteen but three years ago was a different case completely. Again Will shrugged his shoulders but nodded slightly to confirm Mac's assumption.

"And the date she spoke about?"

"Never happened. It was supposed to be the following month here in Lincoln but I didn't make it back from New York."

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter why, I just didn't."

"Why didn't you make it back?"

"Because I didn't want to go on the date."

"Why?" Mac insisted sitting a little further away so she could actually see his eyes, Will could never get anything over on her if she could see his eyes.

"Holy shit Mac, Mel didn't ask this many questions at the time. I didn't come back because I knew that I'd fall into a relationship with her because it was easy and not because I loved her. She wanted it and I didn't…I knew she.…"

"Was still in love with you?" Mac finished for him as he paused, not knowing quite what to say.

Will nodded, looking embarrassed by the whole situation. "It was also just…just after you came back to ACN, I was confused and the last thing I needed was more confusion so I made out I was sick."

"And that was it?"

"Yep."

"No wonder she's awkward with you," Mac sighed, "I think she did quite well back there under the circumstances, I would have whacked you one."

At first Will didn't answer but once he saw the questioning look in Mackenzie's eye he felt he had to try to explain, the last thing he wanted was Mac to think he'd do something similar with her. "Look, I was trying to be kind at the time, I didn't love her, sleeping with her was a stupid mistake which of course I realized the moment we were lying in bed and she said she was in love with me, it was three years ago Kenz, we weren't together."

"I got news for you buster, she's still in love with you now," Mackenzie said, leaning back against the tree herself and wondering just how she'd feel if she were in Mel's situation. She felt frustrated enough these days with the man sitting beside her and she'd at least done something to deserve his hesitation with their love, Melanie hadn't.

"Can we change the subject?" Will said quietly after a couple of moments of awkward silence between the two of them.

"Why did you lie to me yesterday? I asked when the last time you saw her and you said at your mother's funeral?"

"I don't know…I guess I didn't want you to know," Will said quietly, "I also didn't want Mary to know about me and Mel in New York, she'd be heartbroken and I don't ever want to disappoint her."

"But…." Mac started but was soon interrupted by Will's hand landing on her thigh,

"Please Mac, let's drop it, I don't want to talk about Mel, not now please. I have enough shit coming my way with Peter and then my sisters."

Will was grateful Mac seemed to understand his wishes and dropped the subject as soon as he'd asked but for a few minutes he could tell she was less than impressed by his actions of three years ago. Will resisted the urge to tell her she had no right to lecture him on ethics of love and heartbreak and wondered whether there would ever be a time for them when things would run smoothly for them in matters of the heart.

Soon enough though, Will managed to change the subject and for the next forty minutes they chatted idly about life here in Nebraska, about baseball (when Will decided he was definitely taking her to a game when they got home) and about all sorts of non-important things, both just simply enjoying the peace and quiet after the emotional events of earlier today.

Even though Mac was dosing in his arms, Will was starting to think about heading back to Iris's just as he saw a figure approaching that he certainly recognized. It may have been quite a few years since he'd seen his younger brother but there was no mistaking the frame of Peter's body marching towards them.

"Oh great, here comes the moment I've been waiting for," Will said sitting up and sighing loudly.

"Peter?" Mackenzie asked after following Will's eyes to the man approaching them. Just the tensing of Will's body had been enough to wake her up fully. "Will, just stay calm, nothing bad is going to happen."

"You don't know Peter and you didn't hear his tone of voice on the phone earlier," Will said as he pulled himself to his feet, deciding he needed to be the same height as his brother for this conversation. Will turned himself around and held out a hand to Mackenzie, "Come on," Will whispered pulling her to her feet, "I'm not having him ruining my thinking spot."

Mac couldn't help but giggle at his words and allowed Will to pull her to her feet. Will automatically reached for her hand, a gesture that was becoming more and more natural to Will with each passing hour.

"Thought I'd find you here," Peter said as he approached them a few seconds later and held out his hand to Will, "I thought you said to meet at Mary's?"

Most brothers would hug, Will thought to himself as he shook Peter's hand but this simple handshake summed up his dysfunctional family Will thought to himself. As far as Will was concerned he was easily the most 'normal' of the McAvoy children and he had been pretty much an emotional mess for most of his adult life. His time with Mackenzie was the only time he had been truly happy emotionally and for the second time in the last hour that only served to point out to Will just what he had to do with his relationship with the woman he loved so much.

"Hey buddy," Will said clinging onto his younger brothers hand for a moment longer than Peter was obviously comfortable with.

Peter was the second youngest of the McAvoy clan and had missed most of what had happened to Will as a child. By the time John McAvoy had finally left the family home Peter was only five so never really got to witness his mother being slapped around or even know what it felt like to get a beating from his father.

Peter dropped Will's hand and held his hand out to Mackenzie, "You must be Mackenzie?" he questioned with an attempt of a smile, "Aunt Iris said you were with Will."

"Nice to meet you," Mac said reaching to shake Peter's hand, "I'm sorry for your loss today."

Peter nodded and let his eyes wander back to Will who for some reason was struggling to control his emotions. He wanted nothing more to pull his brother into his arms and hug him but he knew he couldn't.

"So you were with Dad?" Peter questioned Will straight away, the niceties obviously done with.

"I got into town yesterday afternoon," Will said, recognizing the tone in his brothers voice.

"That's not what I meant and you know that," Peter said his tone somewhat sarcastic, "Dad told me last night that you'd been to see him, imagine how surprised I was to hear from Dad that you were in town. Here's me thinking you might have called either your brother or your sisters to let them know you were heading home."

"I told Iris," Will said defensively.

"But didn't think you had to tell me?

"I don't have to tell anyone Pete. Iris was the one who actually called me to tell me Dad was sick, imagine my surprise when I don't hear that kind of news from my own sisters or brother." Will said in the same tone Peter had used just a minute ago, "Imagine how hurt I feel finding out just a couple of days before he dies."

"You're so fucking smug sometimes," Peter said shaking his head wildly.

"Look, you started this Pete, I don't want any trouble. I came here to visit Dad because Dad asked to see me, that's all."

Peter looked genuinely surprised at that comment. "He asked for you? Says who?"

"He told cousin John to ask Iris, to ask me to come, so I came. I'm not fucking smug Pete, I'm not looking for a fight with you, I'm simply here to fulfil our father's dying wishes."

"You've not cared too much about his wishes for the last thirty years, why now?"

Will closed his eyes, desperate to tell Peter the full story, desperate to let him know just what a bastard his father had been before Peter was even born and try to make his brother understand his feelings towards their father, but he couldn't. He'd take the bad names, he'd take the accusations and the dislike his brother had for him if it meant protecting him from the actual truth.

"Let's head back to Iris'," Will said ignoring Peter's last question and reaching for Mackenzie's hand. "We can sort out all the final arrangements that need to be made. I'd like to get the funeral sorted as soon as possible so I can get back to New York."

Will and Mac walked together back to Iris' house with Peter trailing along behind them. Not a word was spoken while they were walking back. Mac was feeling the tension coming off of both Will and Peter. She understood that Will didn't want to get into it with his siblings but she also thought that he didn't need to bare the brunt of their hostilities, either. It certainly wasn't Mac's place to explain what a bastard John McAvoy had been towards his oldest son for the majority of his life. But she wasn't going to stand idly by and let them take out their frustrations on Will.

When they arrived back at Iris' house Mel's car was gone and Mac secretly let out a sigh of relief. Iris was sitting on the porch waiting for them all. "Would you all like some lemonade?" Iris offered.

"No, thank you, Iris," Mac said.

"No thanks," Will said.

Peter shook his head no and said, "but thank you for the offer."

Mac and Will sat on a bench and Peter took the chair next to Iris. "Can we talk about the arrangements?" Peter asked.

"Preliminarily, we can, but we can't make the final decisions. It's not only up to us," Will said.

"They'll go along with whatever I suggest," Peter said.

"We can make the final decisions at breakfast in the morning," he said to Peter. Will turned to Iris and said, "would you like to join us for breakfast?"

"Thank you, honey, but I can't. I've got an appointment in the morning. But you'll let me know the final arrangements, please."

"Of course."

Iris got up and excused herself and walked inside leaving Peter glaring at both Mac and Will.

"Why'd he want to see you?" Peter asked.

"Maybe because I am his son," Will replied.

Peter shook his head. "It doesn't make any sense. You never come here and all of a sudden he asks to see you and you drop everything and come."

Will was dreading this conversation. Mac had her hand around his back, rubbing gently. "He was dying, Pete."

"No, try again," Peter pushed.

"My relationship with my father is none of your business. All you need to know is that he asked and I came."

"Not alone."

Mac's head shot up at Pete's comment.

"What does that mean or even matter?" Will asked.

"You won't do anything for any of us except Iris and Mary. It doesn't make any sense to me."

"You have no idea what he's done young man," Iris said walking back onto the porch.

"Iris, it's okay," Will said knowing that Iris had had enough of Peter's attitude.

"Then tell me what he's done so great," Pete taunted.

Iris looked at Will and he shook his head. "They need to know," she said to Will.

"No, they don't."

"I am not going to stand by and let them pick on you when they have no idea."

"What the fuck," Pete said.

"Hey, watch your language," Will said. He wouldn't have Pete mouthing off at Iris.

Pete looked at Iris and said, "I'm sorry."

Iris nodded and sat on the swing.

"Does Mackenzie know?" Pete asked.

Mac looked at Pete when she heard her name.

"Let this go," Will said. "It doesn't matter any more."

"Because Dad's dead? Is that why it doesn't matter any more?" Pete asked, pushing.

"Something like that," Will said.

"Why won't you tell me if it doesn't matter any more? Does it make you look bad and you don't want the bad press?"

Pete was now simply baiting Will and Mac wouldn't stand for that. "That's more than enough," Mac said.

"You're letting a woman speak for you now?" Pete taunted.

"I'd let Mac speak for me any day and you'd better watch your mouth."

"I'm not scared of her," Pete said dismissively.

"You should be."

Will placed his hand on her thigh and rubbed gently, calming her down.

"Fine, don't tell me," Pete said almost pouting. Mac didn't have to wonder any longer why he wasn't married.

"Did Dad request anything for a funeral, or what he wanted, anything in particular?" Will asked.

Pete had settled back down. "No, there were no requests."

"How about Mac and I go get some information from the funeral home and we can make some decisions tomorrow at breakfast. Would you be all right with that? You're welcome to come with us, if you want."

"No, I can't. I've got to go talk to some people and let them know."

"Do you want some help with that?" Will offered.

"They don't know you; it will be easier if I do it. Thank you for offering."

Will nodded and Pete stood up and kissed Iris' cheek and went to his car and drove off.

"That went well," Will said.

"I'm sorry Iris, but what a prick," Mac said. "Please explain to me how you are related? Are your sisters as bad as he is, Will?"

Iris laughed and said, "you're not telling me anything I didn't already know, honey."

Will smiled. He loved to hear Iris laugh. "My oldest sister is a lot like me and the youngest is like Pete."

"He's protected them his entire life and they need to know what you've done for them, Will," Iris said.

"They don't. I don't want them to know. If they have questions and ask me, I'll tell them but it doesn't do anyone any good for them to be told. Pete certainly isn't ready to hear it and I doubt Cassie is either."

"Cassie is the youngest?" Mac asked.

"Yes, Cassie then Pete and Jessica and me."

"Jessica remembers a lot," Iris said. "She doesn't like to talk about it and I can't blame her."

"Will you call Lonny?" Will asked Mac.

"Of course," she said pulling out her phone and walked off the porch to call.

"I know you disagree with me, Iris, but they don't need to know. What good would it do if they did know?"

"They'd stop blaming you for one thing. They have no right to blame you for anything."

"I don't mind being the scapegoat. It's a role I know well," he said.

"Mac won't let them get away with much," Iris said.

He smiled and looked over to see her talking on her cell. "She's like a mother bear or something."

"You need that, Will. She's good for you."

"I know she is, Iris. I'm working on making sure she knows how important she is to me. I love her. With all my heart, I love her."

"Don't waste time, my boy. You've waited a long time for her, enjoy her," Iris said.

Mac walked back onto the porch and said, "Lonny will be here in a few minutes."

"Thank you, Mac."

She nodded and sat down next to him. He took her hand in his and they chatted with Iris until Lonny arrived. They each gave Iris a hug and said they'd see her tomorrow and let her know about all the details.


	10. Chapter 10

Lonny drove them to the local funeral home and waited outside for them. Will let Mac handle getting the information while he stood back and took in all the options. He had no idea it was this complicated. Mac got all of their options and arranged for the funeral home to pick up John McAvoy's body from hospice.

Once they were done at the funeral home, Will placed his hand on Mac's back and escorted her back to the car. "The hotel please, Lonny," Will said.

Once inside Mac's room Will said, "I'm going to take a shower," and walked through their connecting doors into his room.

Mac changed into more comfortable clothes and was sitting on the bed when Will knocked on her door. "You don't have to knock," she said.

He nodded and came in and collapsed on her bed, face first into her pillows. Her hand was on his back, rubbing him, trying to ease some of the tension from his muscles. "Feels good, Kenz."

She turned so that she was able to massage his back with both hands. "Oh, God," he moaned when she dug her thumbs into his shoulders.

"Too much?"

"No. Feels good."

His muscles were one big knot and she knew it was from all the stress. He pulled one hand out from under the pillow he was currently resting on and placed it on her leg. He needed to be touching her. After a few more minutes she stopped and lay down next to him, their heads sharing the same pillow. Will opened his eyes and said, "thank you."

"You're welcome." Her fingers were sifting through his hair when he lifted himself up and leaned in to kiss her. It wasn't like the brief kisses they'd shared before. His tongue was pushing to get access to her mouth and when she opened her mouth their tongues were entwining and teasing one another. His hand was resting on her side, just below her breast. He never moved to touch her breast, they simply lay there kissing and making out. She could feel how hard Will was against her hip but this was about kissing and nothing more. They weren't ready for more but they were getting there. Will pulled back when he heard her stomach growl and smiled at her.

"You hungry?" he asked, tucking some hair behind her ear.

"If my choices are food or kissing you, kissing you is going to win every time."

"How about we order some pizza and we can eat and talk a little bit."

"Okay," she said not knowing what he wanted to talk about.

"Then we'll get back to the kissing," he said and kissed her and pulled back, sitting up on the bed and grabbed the telephone directory. "I don't think we're going to have many pizza options. Are you okay with Dominos?"

She was still lying back, watching him. "That's fine. Please make sure there are some vegetables on the pizza," she said and got off the bed and walked into the bathroom.

When she came out of the bathroom he was on the phone and she could tell that he was agitated. She watched him start to pace the length of her room. When he disconnected he slammed his phone down and stalked into his room and he returned with his computer and sat down on Mac's bed.

"What's happened?"

"Evidently it's a story that my father died," he said, navigating to Page Six's website.

Mac sat down beside him and was rubbing his back while they read the article. "Let Charlie release a statement," she said.

"I'm not news," he said.

"It will go away faster if you put out a release. If you don't want to do it from ACN then use your publicist, but it needs to be out there to counteract this crap," Mac said motioning toward the website that had the story up.

"I'll call Charlie," he said and disappeared into his room, but he didn't close the doors.

When their pizza arrived a few minutes later Will was still talking to Charlie, so Mac paid for their dinner and took the boxes from the delivery guy, giving him a generous tip. She brought their dinner into Will's room and saw him standing at the window, staring out at the hotel pool. "Dinner's here."

She saw him nod and he turned and came to sit at the table. They ate out of the box and slowly Will began talking. She knew he needed some time and that he'd eventually talk to her. It was a matter of time.

"Peter called to tell me about the Page Six story and made sure to tell me that it was the talk of Lincoln."

"I'm sorry, but your little brother is a prick, Will."

That made Will laugh. "He is, I can't disagree with you there."

"Is this a new development or has he always been this way?" Mac asked.

Will thought back over the years and his interactions, which were limited in the last few years. "As an adult he's always been a prick. He was a fun little kid, but when he became an adult that changed and I don't specifically know what changed, but something did and I think he enjoyed calling to tell me about the story."

She put her hand over his and he linked their fingers. "Is Charlie putting out a release?"

Will nodded. "Good, it will help," Mac said.

They finished up their dinner and took a short walk with Lonny trailing them. When they got back to their rooms they caught up on the day's news and were watching TV on her bed. Will saw her yawn.

"Are you tired?" he asked.

"Little bit, but I'm okay to stay up a while."

"I should get out of here and let you get some sleep," he said getting up and walked to their connecting doors. He turned and looked at her.

"You don't have to go," Mac said.

He nodded. "I need some thinking time. I'll come make sure you're all tucked in, in a while."

She watched Will walk through their connecting doors but he didn't close them. She could hear him moving around and heard when he finally settled on the bed. She heard the clicking of his keyboard. He'd asked for some time to himself and she understood that completely. She changed into her pyjamas and climbed back into bed to think about all that had happened during the day.

She fell asleep thinking about Will but something woke her up several hours later. She could see him sitting on the floor in their shared doorway, simply watching her sleep.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

He nodded and wiped at his cheeks. "I didn't mean to wake you up, I'm sorry. I'll go back to my room."

"You don't have to go, Billy." He was turned away from her and she could see his hand on the door, gripping it tightly from the ambient light from his room. He slowly turned around and she could see how upset he was.

"May I," he started and then shook his head. "Never mind."

"Billy, it's okay, what do you need?"

"May I sleep in here with you?"

She smiled at him and lifted the covers in invitation. He was already in his boxers and moved to the bed and slipped under the covers. "You're sure you don't mind?"

She rolled over and wiped his cheeks and settled down in his arms. She felt him relax once in his arms.

"Thank you," he said and kissed her head.

Once Will settled down he quickly fell asleep. They were both up early the next morning getting ready for breakfast at Mary's. Lonny drove them all to the diner and he took a stool not too far from Will, but enough to give him some privacy.

"Hey, Jess," Will said to the woman sitting alone at a table in the back.

"Will," she said and got up to hug him. He easily returned her hug. "Are you okay? Pete said you were there when he died."

Jess suddenly realized that Mac was standing behind Will. "Jess, this is Mackenzie. Mac this is my sister Jess," Will said, making the introductions.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Mac said.

"Thanks."

"Shall we sit?" Mac asked.

Jess looked like she was about to object when Will said, "Mac is here for me. Anything you would say to me you can say in front of Mac. She knows everything," he said, guiding Mac toward a chair and then sat next to her, taking her hand in his.

Jess sat down across from them. Mac could tell she really wasn't comfortable with her there but she wasn't leaving Will alone with his siblings for anything.

Mary brought Will and Mac each a cup of coffee and said good morning to them. She asked Will to come with her for a moment and he followed her into the kitchen leaving Jess and Mac alone.

"Have you known Will a long time?" Jess asked?

Mac nodded and said, "many years. Is your sister joining us this morning? I thought you might have driven down together."

"Cassie will be here, but she will be late, it's simply how she is so she was driving herself," Jess explained. "When did you and Will get here?"

"Day before yesterday."

"Can we stop with the small talk? You obviously know everything or you wouldn't be here with Will, he wouldn't allow it, so let's not pretend we're one big happy family."

Mac liked that Jess was straightforward. "I'm here for Will and to support him in any way he wants or needs."

"So you're fucking him."

Will chose that moment to re-join Mac and Jess and heard her last statement. "My private life, Jessica, is simply that, private. You don't get to know what is going on with my relationship with Mac. That's ours. If you want to be involved in my life then maybe we need to talk more than when a death occurs. Please apologize to Mac."

Mac started to object and Jess said, "no, Mac, I am sorry, that was inappropriate and rude."

"Thank you," Mac said.

"Too much has happened," Jess said and let the thought trail off.

Mac wanted to yell at Jess and tell her what an incredible man she was missing out on knowing but this wasn't the time or place and Jess had to want a better relationship with Will and she wasn't sure that she did want that relationship.

Peter arrived at the diner and kissed Jess' cheek and said good morning to Will and Mac. They were all trying to be civil to one another when Cassie finally arrived. Will stood to hug her but she wasn't thrilled with the idea of hugging Will, but finally gave him a half-hearted hug. Mac was ready to strangle all of Will's siblings. Over breakfast they finally worked out the arrangements and decided that the funeral would be the next day. There weren't many people that John was close to and those that he was already knew about his death and they'd personally let them know about the service. Pete and Cassie were petulant about every decision that had to be made. Jess was the voice of reason and was able to finally get Pete and Cassie to agree with what Will was suggesting. Both Jess and Mac knew that they were objecting simply because it was Will that had made the suggestion.

After breakfast and all the decisions made Will and Mac went back to the funeral home and set everything up for the next day.

It really didn't take very long for Will and Mackenzie to get everything set up at the funeral home and by midday they found themselves sitting in a coffee shop in Lincoln, lazily passing the time away.

Mackenzie looked across at Will and tried to catch his eye. She was starting to worry about him more and more as they sat drinking their coffees – since the breakfast meeting with his brother and sisters he seemed to be shrinking into his shell and the quieter he was becoming. They'd been sipping their coffee's for ten minutes now and Will had made absolutely no attempt to even start a conversation with her, his eyes were distant the whole time and it looked to her like he was trying to hold back tears for all he was worth.

After another couple of minutes of total silence, Mac pulled her chair a little closer to Will and let her hand rest lazily on his thigh. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really, it's all just a pile of shit," Will muttered and turned his attention back to his cup of coffee.

"Will, I'm here to help, with anything, even if that's just talking. You know you can talk to me."

"About what?" Will answered, his eyes meeting hers for the briefest of seconds.

"About whatever's going through that head of yours."

"I'm fine," Will whispered but even he didn't look like he believed what he said.

Mac sighed and let her fingers rub little circles into his thigh for a few moments, a gesture she knew that he used to love, it was always a sure way to relax him in the past and Mackenzie hoped and prayed it still worked. The man was beyond frustration at times, when would he ever realise that he always felt better when he talked to her. Will left it another minute or so and then placed his hand on top of hers, still resting on his thigh.

"Mac?" Will asked with a hesitant look on his face, "Maybe we can take a walk while we drink these?"

"Of course," Mac replied standing immediately and snapping a lid on their coffee cups. Something in his eyes was telling her that maybe she had been right and talking would be a good idea after all.

They strolled out of the coffee shop and within a second Will had reached for Mackenzie's hand as they walked along Main Street, Lincoln. It seemed to be a natural thing since they'd arrived, they'd been holding hands or simply touching somehow near enough all the time but something inside Mackenzie was wondering whether this would just be a Nebraska thing or would it be this natural and easy with each other when they were back in New York? Bit by bit they had been talking things through and Mac undoubtedly believed him when he said he wanted to move on with her – she just questioned if he'd be able to fully forgive her and start afresh once they were back in New York, and more importantly when they were back at work. She certainly hoped so because if she was completely honest with herself, even under these dreadfully trying circumstances, she hadn't felt this happy inside for nearly six years and she wasn't too sure whether she could go back to being just good friends with the man she loved more than life itself.

"I don't get why they hate me so much," Will said quietly bringing Mac out of her own daydreams as he steered them off Main Street and onto a side road, "I've never actually fallen out with any of them you know, but they just resent me, all three of them."

"They don't hate you Will," Mac replied squeezing his hand a little tighter, "hate is a strong word and it's the wrong word to use here. They don't treat you as they should treat a brother like you but they don't hate you, especially not Jess, I could tell that by the way she looked at you."

"Jess is the only one who seemed actually willing to hug me today."

Will's voice trailed off sadly and he sighed.

"Iris is right you know," Mac whispered quietly, almost frightened of Will's reply.

"About what?"

"They need to know what happened in the past Will. I know you'll hate to hear this right now but Iris is right, they should know."

Although Mac's voice was low and loving she could feel Will physically tense holding her hand and soon he let out a low frustrated growl. "Why do you and Iris keep saying this? I don't get it?"

"It's the right thing to do, that's all I'm saying. It would improve the relationship between you and your siblings."

"How? What good would it do Mac? Seriously, how would that help the situation?"

"Because, then they'd understand the relationship between you and your father Billy. They'll understand why you hated him most of your life and they'll understand why you stayed away for so long. Jess already knows it, I can tell that, but Pete and Cassie, they were too young to understand what happened before and for some reason the whole family have been protecting them for their entire lives. They're adults now Will, you can stop protecting them."

"You don't understand how hard it was Mac, you couldn't."

"I know that and of course I don't understand, I could never understand and I'm not trying to be flippant," Mac whispered as she stopped them walking and pulled him around to face her. "No one could understand that unless it had actually happened to them, but it did happen to you Will. It happened to you and it happened to Jess and the other two, pricks, should at least know about it."

Will shook his head and glared at Mackenzie, willing her to see his point. "Why ruin the memories of their parents too? Isn't it enough that Jess and my memories are in ruins? Why do that to Pete and Cassie's too? Why ruin four childhood memories when two can be salvaged?"

"Because then they actually might be a bit more civil toward you Will. Your childhood is gone and your parents are no longer around. All the four of you have family wise is each other and if they knew, then they might actually treat you with the love and respect you deserve."

Will dropped Mackenzie's hand and stared at her hard before he turned and walked away slowly, his head bowed and his shoulders looking like they were carrying the weight of the world on them. Mac had seen that look before, just yesterday when Will had stalked off angry.

"Please don't disappear again," Mac said quietly but loud enough for Will to hear, "please Will, come back."

Will stopped straight away and Mac physically saw him take a deep breath before he turned around and slowly took a couple of steps back towards Mackenzie. Her heart ached so much for him as she noticed the unshed tears glistening in his eyes and the way he was almost biting his lip to control his emotions from gushing out.

Mackenzie reached for this hand straight away and pressed her lips to the back of it once he'd slipped his hand inside of hers.

"Sorry," he whispered and once again Mac could see the little lost boy staring back at her.

"Shh, you don't have to be sorry, just don't leave me again when you're angry," Mac said referring to yesterday. As Will nodded she leaned in and pressed the softest of kisses onto his cheek and she swore she felt him relax a little as she gripped hold of his hands tightly.

"You just don't get it," Will whispered as Mac pulled away a moment later.

"I do get it Will, I promise I do," Mac replied in that same soft loving voice she'd used a moment ago, "I get you want them protected, the same way you wanted to protect your Mom and Jess and that's fine, I really do get it…. But Will, this might sound harsh but I only care about you and not them. I'm sorry if that's not right but that's all that's important to me here. I want to protect you in the same way you want to protect them and I can't bear to see them treat you with such disdain and you not be willing to do anything about it."

"You don't have to protect me you know," Will whispered a moment later but he couldn't keep eye contact for very long because all his life he'd longed for someone to protect him and truly love him. He stared down at his feet but it wasn't long before Mac reached up with her hand and lifted his chin so he was once again looking in her eyes.

"I want to Will. I care about you, you know that right?"

Will paused for a minute and then gently pulled his hand from Mackenzie's and cupped her cheek, before he leant in and pressed a tiny kiss to her lips.

"I care about you too, very much," Will whispered, his eyes soft and his voice so low and tender.

Their eyes locked for the longest moment before Mac smiled and tried so hard to ignore the heavy feeling in her chest and stomach. She wasn't quite sure how much longer she could go on holding in these feelings of complete and utter love for him but right now she didn't feel she could burden his already too stressed mind and body with any more talks about matters of the heart.

"Come on," Mac whispered, "we shouldn't do this here, we'll end up on Page Six and that's just going to make everything worse." Will nodded, knowing she was right of course and started up the road again, his hand once again slipping back into Mackenzie's. They walked in silence for another few minutes or so until they turned right again onto a side road.

Will turned to Mac, looking slightly embarrassed, and smiled "do you mind if we stop here for ten minutes or so?" Mac looked to where Will was pointing and saw an entrance to a cemetery. "It's where my Mom's buried," Will explained with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.

"Of course," Mac whispered, squeezing his hand as they made their way to the entrance.

Once inside Will stopped and looked around trying to get his bearings, before nodding his head and making his way right. "I haven't been here since the day of Mom's funeral but I'm sure it's this way."

"Would you prefer to be alone?" Mac asked, suddenly realising that this should be a personal moment but Will shook his head and gripped her hand tighter. For the next five minutes they searched the headstones until Will suddenly stopped, his eyes staring straight ahead. Mackenzie followed his gaze and there, a little way ahead of them was Jess sat on the grass at their mother's graveside, her legs crossed and her head bowed.

Will paused for a moment and was tempted to turn and disappear but Mac squeezed his hand and pushed him forwards a little. "Go talk to her Will," Mac said, a caring smile on her lips, "I'm going to head back to the entrance and I'll meet you there when you're done."

"You can stay," Will whispered but Mac was already shaking her head, wanting desperately for Will to spend some time alone with his sister.

"I think it'll be better just you and her, go talk Billy and take your time, I have a ton of emails to read," Mac said, holding her blackberry up and then surprising Will with a tender kiss to his cheek before she turned and walked away.


	11. Chapter 11

Feeling slightly nervous, but knowing Mackenzie was once again right, Will made his way towards the graveside and just as he approached Jess turned her head and looked up, surprised to find anyone else there with her.

"Will," Jess said, surprised to see her elder brother standing beside her.

"Hey sis," Will whispered tenderly as he sat down on the grass next to Jess and crossed his legs just like his sister. "Holy shit, I'm too old to be sitting like this," Will chuckled and for the first time looked his sister in the eye, "you're looking good Jess, it really is great to see you," he whispered, leaning across and placing the softest of kisses onto her cheek, "I should have said that earlier."

Jess laughed and reached for her brother's hand and gripped it tightly, "You look good too Willie," she whispered, squeezing his fingers and staring down at their joined hands. "I'd forget what you'd look like if you weren't on my TV every night."

"You watch?" Will asked, genuinely not knowing the answer.

"Of course, every night without fail," Jess replied, looking up from their hands and smiling her first real smile all day, "I tell everyone I know I have a famous big brother."

"And that he's an ass, right?"

"Now, why would I say that?" Jess said as she rested her head on her big brother's shoulder. "You're not an ass but I don't get to see you as much as I'd like...I guess you're busy with things.…"

Will didn't answer and Jess didn't say anything further so the two sat in silence both lost in their own thoughts of years gone by.

"Were you really with him yesterday when he died?" Jess finally asked, her head still rested against Will, "Pete said you were but I find that near enough impossible to believe."

"He asked to see me, I got a call from Iris last weekend and he apparently asked for me."

"I'm amazed you even came," Jess whispered, staring at her mother's grave.

"Yeah, me too. I wasn't going to if I'm honest…I thought that maybe I should but then couldn't really stomach the thought of him. But then, well Mackenzie made me see that I should, that maybe he could answer some questions, maybe it could do me some good."

"And did it?"

"He tried to justify all the shit in the past."

"Mom and her mystery man?" Jess asked sitting up straight and dropping Will's hand.

"You know about that?" Will asked, surprised.

Jess nodded and shrugged her shoulders; "I got a letter from him about six months ago saying he was visiting Cassie and could he stop by. He told me it all but to tell the truth Will I'm past caring about him and whatever the hell happened between him and mom. It's screwed me up enough never to trust a single man I'm ever with and never to want to even think about having kids…I just want to forget it, forget him and everything associated with him."

Seeing the tear creep out of his sister's eyes Will shuffled a little closer and wrapped his arm tightly around Jess, the protective big brother feelings suddenly flooding his body.

"Why do I hate him so much but feel so sad right now?" Jess asked through her tears, "God I hate feeling like this for him."

"I know…I know.…" Will whispered and he did because it was the exact same feelings he'd been having since he stepped foot inside that damn hospice two days ago, "I feel exactly the same, I even hugged the bastard."

Jess looked up surprised before resting her head back on Will's shoulder and reaching for his left hand. "You're a better person than me. We hardly even said goodbye when he visited."

The silence returned and Will stared at his mother's headstone wishing desperately that he could talk to her right now. 'Beloved Mother and Wife' it read. It should have and illicit lover after that too, Will thought to himself and then wondered whether the mystery man she'd had the affair with even knew she was dead? Whether he ever sat at this very spot missing her as much as Will did right now. Whatever she'd done in the past he longed to see her, talk to her, to hold her in his arms and tell her that he loved her and missed her so very much.

"Pete's taken this hard," Jess finally whispered after a while grabbing Will's attention once more, "They'd become close after mom died."

"I don't even know what to say to him or Cass," Will muttered. "Everything I've said to Pete over the last twenty four hours seems to be wrong."

"I called Cassie yesterday after Pete had called me and she just flipped out at me on the phone. I offered to drive her up here today but she just kept screaming at me that I didn't care, that I was hypocritical and two faced…. I gave up in the end, it's just not worth the upset it causes me. Michael tells me that all the time."

"Michael?" Will questioned, having never heard that name mentioned before.

Jess sat up and nodded, a small smile appearing on her lips. "Yeah, Michael. I've been dating him for about ten months now. I like him Will – I'm forty six years old and I've finally found someone who seems to understand me and love me for who I am and what's more, he deals with all this extra baggage I carry around in my head. When things get tough he holds me and loves me and just wants what's best for me in all of this. I don't think I've ever had that before...well apart from you when we were kids."

"Jess, that's great," Will replied, genuinely happy for his sister, "I'm really happy for you."

"He gets so angry with Cassie though, he begs me to not even talk to her because I always end up feeling so damn guilty with her whenever she shouts at me. I mean, how wrong is that to feel like that with your own sister?"

"Mac's the same," Will whispered, "she thinks we ought to tell Pete and Cassie everything, that they might understand a little more? But I don't know…."

"I can't be bothered to hash through it all again you know. I've spent years in fucking therapy trying to figure out all this shit and you know what, it's no fucking clearer in my head. I just want to move on and be happy with Michael."

"I know what you mean…me too," Will replied simply,

"You want to be happy with Michael too?" Jess joked and Will chuckled at the old familiar sense of humour that Jess had that he'd sadly forgotten about.

"With Mackenzie…." Will corrected and chuckled again as Jessica let out a huge sigh.

"I hate this feeling Will, I just wish it could all go away, I don't know how the hell I'm going to get through it without screaming, or punching someone or throwing something."

"Hey, we'll get through it together, I don't know how either if I'm honest but we will, somehow and then we'll let Michael and Mac soothe us later, huh?"

"The pair of them deserve a medal putting up with us," Jess whispered, shaking her head slightly.

Again the silence settled over them for a few minutes and they were both lost again in what was probably the same thoughts. Eventually Will, stroked the back of his sisters head and sighed. "Mac keeps telling me that it's okay to feel like this, that it's natural but I'm not sure you know, I feel confused and hurt and angry all over again but then I think there were some good times too, I suppose?"

"You think?" Jess replied and Will didn't miss the bitter tone in her voice.

"Yeah," Will mumbled, "It's just that you remember the bad times more than the good right?"

Jess laughed sarcastically, "God, Will, they were more than just bad times, you really are trying to see the good in all this mess."

Will shrugged his shoulders and pressed a kiss to the side of his sister's head. "Mackenzie's damn optimism is starting to rub off on me, you can't ever be down for too long with her around. She just keeps on and on until finally you see some good in any given situation."

"So you two are back together then I take it?" Jess asked sitting up straight and wiping the tear stains from her cheek.

"Not quite, but we will be."

"Why didn't you ever tell me she cheated on you? I read the email…I used to wonder why you two broke up, you seemed so happy at the time."

"Is there anyone that didn't read that damn email?" Will asked shaking his head.

"It was huge news out here and you're my big brother, I wasn't going to not read it idiot!" Jess teased, a genuine smile appearing on her face. "You should have told me, maybe I could have helped?"

"I don't think anyone could have helped at the time," Will whispered, "except maybe Mac and I sent her packing with such anger that she went and took a job in a Middle East warzone for three years. Way to mend a broken heart, eh? Go and dodge bullets on a daily basis and get stabbed."

"Shot at and stabbed?" Jess asked, "really?"

"Yeah, Islamabad for nearly three years and just basically to get away from me. Believe me, there's nothing more heart-wrenching than hearing the woman you're supposed to hate, but are still crazy in love with has been stabbed and fighting for her life."

"Jesus," Jess gasped, "she's okay now though?"

"Yeah, she's great…. You know, it sounds stupid and it sounds harsh but I think I would have actually done something stupid, really stupid, if she'd actually died that day."

"You should have called me Will, I know we've not been close lately but you should never have to feel like that alone and hurt…you should have told me."

"I didn't tell you at the time because I was a mess and I didn't want to worry you…and then you know, life goes on, I didn't want to really talk about it to anyone, I tried to move on."

"Tried?" Jess asked, raising her eyebrow questioningly.

"Tried being the word, but I never quite achieved the moving on bit. Neither did she it seems but I've only found that out recently. She came back a couple of years ago, barged into my life and bit by bit she fixed my heart, fixed me and soon became my best friend again. And now, before I know it she's all I can think about morning, noon and night."

"Do you trust her?"

"One hundred per cent," Will said confidently and he knew that he did, if nothing else good can ever come of the last few days Will was certain of that fact. "Things are different now, I was suffocating her before and she wasn't ready for it and she freaked out. She made mistakes, I made mistakes and we're not going to repeat those, either of us. We've talked a lot lately, we want the same thing and as soon as I get back to New York I'm going to make sure she damn well knows just how much she means to me."

"I'm happy for you Will and I hope it works out for you, you deserve some happiness."

"Thanks," Will said before he pulled his arm out from behind his sister's back, "don't know about you sis, but I'm too old to be sitting like this any longer."

"Half my body went numb fifteen minutes ago," Jess joked, unlocking her legs from underneath her and pulling herself up off the ground. Will followed suit and as soon as he stood he heard a gentle cough from behind him. He turned to find Mackenzie leaning against a tree, with a smile to actually die for on her face, holding a big bunch of flowers.

"Hey," Will said, as she made her way over towards them, "how long have you been there?"

"Just a couple of minutes," Mac answered, as Will wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close to his side, "I didn't want to interrupt but there was a flower shop a couple of blocks up and I thought you might like these to lay down for your mom," she added, holding them out to Will.

"Thank you," Will whispered, genuinely touched by her thoughtfulness and reached out to take the flowers from Mac.

"Thanks, Mac," Jess added and then turned and watched her elder brother as he bent down by their mother's headstone.

Mac stepped back a little and watched Will whisper a few words before he laid the flowers down and then turned to look at Jess, a small smile on his face. Mac had no idea what they'd been talking about but she noticed Will seemed to be happier than he had been since he landed in Nebraska. She watched as Jess reached for him and pulled him into a long hug, burying her head in Will's shoulder. After a minute or so Jess pulled away and Mac watched as Will wiped what must have been a tear from her cheek before leaning in and pressing a kiss to her forehead. It was such a tender scene between the two who had suffered so much through their lives that Mac felt a tear come to her own eye, so pleased she was that at least one sibling seemed to be happy to see him.

"Mac, I think I owe you an apology," Jess said when she and Will finally made their way back over to her, "I was out of line this morning and I really am sorry."

"You already apologized this morning and it's forgotten, I promise you."

Jess rested her hand on Mackenzie's arm and smiled, "I know but I'd like it if we could start again, I wasn't my usual self this morning."

"That's understandable after everything that's happened," Mac whispered as she stole a quick look at Will. She could see the happiness shining through his eyes as he watched the two of them. She winked at Will and then reached for Jess's hand. "Do you have any plans?" Mac asked, "I have to take this one shopping for a suit for tomorrow and could use some help, you have no idea what a pain in the ass he is when he doesn't want to shop."

"Hey, I am here you know," Will teased, pulling Mackenzie further into his side and winking at her.

"I'd love to join you if that's okay?" Jess asked, suddenly desperate to spend more time with her brother.

"Of course it's okay, it'll be great." Mac said pulling Will towards the exit of the cemetery "Come on then you, time to hit the shops Billy boy!"

"Oh great!" Will said trying hard to sound disinterested but secretly loving the thought of the three of them shopping the afternoon away.

Lonny drove Will, Mac, and Jess to the mall and after looking at their limited options finally chose Dillard's and made their way to the men's department. Will was looking at ties while Mac and Jess were looking at suits.

"Do you know what size Willie wears?" Jess asked.

Mac smiled at his nickname. "Forty-two long, which is pretty common so finding a suit shouldn't really be that hard, but he's quite choosy when it comes to clothes."

"Really?" Jess asked, surprised. "You couldn't get him out of jeans and t-shirts when he was living here."

"He does still love his jeans but there are less pairs now and more casual pants and lots of sweaters. I swear he found this one sweater he loved and bought it in every color available," Mac said smiling.

"Is it at least soft?"

"It's cashmere."

Will joined them after finding a tie he was comfortable with and said, "are you complaining about my sweaters," he asked smiling and putting his arm around Mac.

"Not at all," she said smiling up at him and kissed his cheek.

"Did you find me a suit?"

"I think so, but I wasn't sure if you wanted black or dark grey. Let me see the tie you found, please," she said holding out her hand.

He placed the very conservative tie in her hand. "This really was the best option?"

"I thought so, but go take a look."

Will watched Mac walk over to the ties and run her hand across them, looking at the patterns and colors. A salesman asked if he could assist them. Will explained he needed a dress shirt with French cuffs in a size seventeen. The salesman scurried off to find several options for Will. Mac re-joined them with several ties as the salesman brought several shirt options. Mac gave the ties to the salesman to put in a dressing room for Will and rubbed his lower back. "Black or grey?"

"Black," Will said.

Mac walked over to the racks and pulled several suits out to look at them and finally decided on one and gave it to the salesman.

"I don't know why she thinks I'm a pain when she picks everything out," Will said.

"You've got it really easy, Will," Jess said. "She knows what looks good and what looks good on you. You just like to give her a hard time, am I right?"

Will started to object and finally smiled and nodded, owning up to how he loved to give Mac a hard time.

Mac joined them and said, "the salesman has several options for you in a dressing room."

"Thank you," he said and kissed her temple. "I'll be back to show you in a minute," he said and followed the salesman to the dressing room.

Mac was watching him walk away when she felt Jess' hand on her back. She turned to her and smiled.

"You're good for him," Jess said.

"I love him, Jess. I can't explain it any better than that, I truly love him with all my heart."

"It was good that you suggested he come home when our dad asked to see him."

"I hope he's been able to have some closure. He's had a hard time, too. He puts on a good game face when he's really hurting inside. I've learned to see beyond the game face and all I want to do is to protect him and love him."

"You're both very lucky," Jess said.

"I am very lucky to have him in my life. I screwed up before and I know what I lost. I am very fortunate to have any type of relationship with him."

Jess knew she was talking about the cheating. "I know that you'll never hurt him like that again."

"No, I will spend the rest of my life making up for causing him that pain," Mac said.

"I bet if you asked him he would tell you that you already have," Jess replied.

Mac smiled and said, "he probably would, but I've not forgiven myself for doing that to him."

"You need to forgive yourself," she said and saw Will walk out of the dressing room.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"Do you want French cuffs? You'll need cuff links," Mac said.

"I do want the French cuffs."

"Okay, we'll find some cuff links. I like the cut of the suit, but I do think the solid black tie is too much," Mac said. "May I see the other ties? Do you know how to tie a double Windsor?"

"I think I remember how," he said. "Let me get the ties and you can tie them," he said disappearing into the dressing room. When he reappeared he'd taken off the solid tie and had a silver and black tie around his neck. Mac stepped very close to him and smiled. He was looking down at her and she placed her hands on his cheeks and moved his head up so she could properly tie his tie. She was concentrating very hard and when she tightened his tied he looked down and smiled. "Thank you," he whispered.

Jess was watching their every move and almost felt like a voyeur.

When Mac stepped back she said, "do you like this one?"

Will looked in the mirror and nodded. "What do you think?" he asked Jess.

"I like it and I like the double Windsor, it looks more distinguished," Jess said.

"Okay, I'm happy with this outfit. I need shoes and cufflinks." Will disappeared back into the dressing room and changed, giving his choices to the salesman.

They walked to the shoe department and Will chose black wingtips and picked up a pair of black socks. Finally, they needed to find a pair of cufflinks. Mac was looking through their options and finally came across a pair of silver rectangles with a black stripe through the middle. "What do you think of these?" she asked holding up the pair.

"I like them. Let me go check out and we'll get out of here."

"Are you staying in town?" Mac asked Jess.

"Yes."

"Would you like to have dinner with us?" Mac asked.

Jess smiled. "That would be nice. Do you mind if we go by the hotel and pick up Michael and the four of us go to dinner?"

"I'm sorry, Michael?"

"Sorry, my boyfriend," Jess explained. "I'd like to introduce Will and Michael."

Mac smiled and said, "he'd love that."

Will joined them and they went to the car, Will carrying all of his purchases. Lonny and Mac got in and Will put his things in the trunk. "I'd like you to meet Michael," Jess said, standing next to Will.

Will smiled at her, "I'd love to meet him. Let's have dinner."

"Mac already suggested that," she said.

"Thanks for coming shopping with us," he said and hugged his sister.

"Thanks for letting me tag along." Will nodded.

It turned out that Jess and Michael were staying in the same hotel as Mac and Will. They agreed to meet at the car in two hours for dinner.

Will and Mac went to their adjoining rooms. Will hung up his suit and came to stand in the doorway. Mac had lain down and had her eyes closed. "Join me for a few minutes," she said.

He toed off his shoes and climbed onto the bed next to her. He was lying on his side, facing her. He pushed her hair behind her ear and she opened her eyes. "Hi."

He smiled and leaned in to kiss her. "Hi," he said when he pulled back from the kiss.

"I really like Jess."

"I'm glad you do," he said.

"I couldn't have done any of this without you, Mac. I wouldn't have. Thank you for suggesting I come and I'm so grateful you came with me."

"You couldn't have kept me away, Billy."

"I'm so glad."

Will set his phone's alarm and they took a quick nap before getting up to get ready for dinner.

When Will's phone alarm went off Mac was on his chest and he was holding her tightly against himself. He reached over and silenced the alarm and put his arm back around Mac.

"I like waking up with you," he whispered.

"Me, too."

He rolled them over so he was on top of her and he leaned down and kissed her, his tongue slipping easily into her mouth. Her hands were in his hair, caressing him. She moaned and his hand went to her breast, simply holding her. When the kiss broke she said, "I love when you touch me, when you take my hand and when you put your arm around me. God, Billy," she said and closed her eyes, her emotions threatening to spill out when she wasn't sure he was ready to hear what she had to say.

"Open your eyes, please."

She did as he asked and he said, "I love touching you. I love you."

Tears spilled out of her eyes and she replied, "I love you, so much, Billy."

His mouth was back on hers and their tongues playing with one another. She knew that she'd never get tired of kissing him, ever. After a few minutes he pulled back and said, "we've got to get ready for dinner."

She nodded but neither one of them moved. He smiled and said, "we'll pick this up later, I promise," and moved off of her. He helped her off the bed and said, "I'm going to splash some water on my face and get ready."

"I only need a few minutes. Are you changing?" she asked.

"Probably going to put on some dressier pants and maybe a button down."

"Okay, I know what I'll wear," she said and watched him walk through the doors. Neither of them shut their door.

When Will returned Mac was dressed in tailored black pants and a nice sweater. She was putting earrings in as he watched her. "You look nice."

"Thank you, so do you," she replied.

They met Lonny at the car and they were chatting when Jess walked up with Michael. Will kissed Jess' cheek and she introduced Will and Michael. Will then introduced Mac and Lonny. Will got a good feeling about Michael. He was very attentive to Jess and they easily all chatted and discussed current events. Will and Mac made sure to keep the topics light and they all had a very pleasant evening.

They arranged to follow each other to the funeral the next day with Will and Mac picking up Iris.

Mac walked into her room and pulled off her sweater as Will walked in, "I'm sorry," he said and started to go back to his room.

"Billy, come here, please," Mac said putting her sweater on her suitcase. When he stood before her he couldn't keep his eyes off of her breasts. The bra she was wearing was black lace and very gorgeous to him. "I don't care if you're in here while I'm changing." He looked up and into her eyes.

"I shouldn't have," he started and she placed her hand over his mouth.

"The doors are open on both sides. I'm comfortable with you here with me, whether I'm in a bra or in a t-shirt I've drooled on all night," she said with a smile, hoping to make him smile.

"Really?"

She nodded and he pulled her into his arms. "Thank you."

"I think we need a moratorium on you thanking me. I'm right where I want to be, by your side."

"I'm really glad you want to be by my side."

"There's no place I'd rather be, Billy."

"May I sleep in here?" he asked.

"Certainly."

He eased her back and pulled his shirt off, leaving his undershirt and then he took off his shoes, socks and pants, leaving him in his boxers.

She reached behind her back and unhooked her bra and grabbed a t-shirt to sleep in and then took off her pants. He held out his hands and when she took them he led her to the bed and they climbed in after pulling the covers down.


	12. Chapter 12

The day of the funeral they woke and they each quietly got ready. Mac was dressed and sitting on his bed as he put on his clothes. She helped him with his cufflinks and tied his tie for him. Lonny drove them to Iris' house and Will went to escort her to their car. When she saw Will she pulled him into a tight hug and said, "I love you, my boy."

He smiled at her and said, "I love you, too, Iris." He offered her his arm and she placed her hand on his elbow and he walked her to the car.

They arrived at the funeral home and Will helped Iris out of the car and then he offered his hand to Mac. Jess and Michael were walking ahead of them. When they made it inside the funeral director met them and he showed them where the service would be held.

When they walked in there were more people than they'd expected. Michael and Jess went in the family row first, then Iris and then Will and finally Mac. They watched the room fill up. Mac pointed out the nurse from hospice was there.

Pete walked in with Cassie and they sat across the aisle from Mac. Cassie was glaring at Mac but Mac wasn't paying her any attention. Pete took Cassie's hand and said something into her ear and she stopped the glaring.

Will didn't recognize many people but Iris did and she gave him the rundown on everyone in attendance as they came up to pay their respects.

When the service started Will picked up Mac's hand and held it in his. He couldn't watch the minister. He was staring at his and Mac's joined hands. Mac felt a tear hit her hand and squeezed his hand. He closed his eyes briefly and then reopened them and looked at her, tears filling his eyes.

"It's okay, Billy."

Iris saw how he was struggling and picked up his other hand and held it in hers. He turned to her and kissed her cheek.

Will looked over at Pete and saw him crying, his arm around Cassie who was resting against his shoulder. This was hard for him and he couldn't imagine how hard it was for them.

The service was over in about an hour with everyone filing out except the family. The minister spoke to each of them briefly and invited them to say their goodbyes. They had all agreed that there wouldn't be any graveside services this was the only service.

The minister had gathered the rest of the people attending the service into an adjacent room and once the family had said their goodbyes led them into the room.

There were more people in the room than had attended the service. The family was at the front of the room and there was a line forming for people to greet the family. Will and Mac then Jess and Michael, then Pete and Cassie. Iris and the other siblings were next to Will. They all stood together receiving friends and distant family. All Will wanted to do was to go sit on Iris' porch swing. He'd cried during the service but once again he had his emotions under control.

After another hour everyone had gone except immediately family. Iris invited everyone back to her house, only Will, Mac, Jess and Michael accepted. Pete and Cassie declined.

When they were alone again, Will asked Mac, "why wouldn't Pete and Cassie want to be with all of us this afternoon?"

"I don't know, honey, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it will be easier without them but they should feel like they are welcome."

"I'm sure that Iris made sure they knew they could come back to the house. They are grieving in their own way. There's no one right way and maybe for them it's easier for them to spend the afternoon together without anyone else. Unfortunately, only they are able to tell us that and from the glaring today, I don't think you or I are going to be told."

The rest of the afternoon passed by so quickly and before they knew it Will and Mac found themselves back at the hotel getting ready for another dinner with Jess and Michael, their last before they were due to head back to New York the following morning.

Mackenzie poked her head around the joining door between their two rooms and found Will gazing out of the window with a thoughtful look on his face. She knew he was disappointed that Iris wouldn't be joining them but Mackenzie couldn't help but wonder if today had taken more out of him than she'd originally thought. He had spent a good twenty minutes earlier trying to persuade Iris to come to dinner but Iris had insisted that tonight was for Will and Jess to spend together and that she had other things to do.

Mac knocked the lightest of knocks on the door and Will's head shot up and smiled at the sight before him. Will had booked a table at one of Lincoln's finest restaurants and the sight of Mackenzie in the exact same dress that she had worn at the ACN New Year's Eve party two years ago simply took his breath away.

"Hey," Mac whispered as she wandered over to Will who was still stood by the window, "You ready to go?"

Will seemed to go into zombie mode and couldn't take his eyes off her as she stood before him, eyes sparkling and looking just utterly gorgeous in Will's opinion. For the hundredth time in the past week Will tried to wrack his brain to find out why he hadn't come to his senses earlier about this woman, not only did she seem to love him with all her heart, she was easiest the most beautiful and sexy woman he had ever met.

"Will?" Mac questioned, a slight grin on her face appearing as she had a rough idea what might be going through his mind at this moment, "you okay?"

Will seemed to snap out of his daydream when Mac giggled and rested her hand on his arm. He instantly grabbed hold of her hands and pulled her a little closer. "Do you have any idea what you in that dress does to me?" Will muttered as he took another tiny step towards her and squeezed her fingers tightly.

"Hmmm?" Mac sighed, still giggling and still reeling from the look of desire in his eyes, "So…em…what do I do to you?" she asked, taking the tiniest of steps towards him.

She was doing this on purpose, Will was certain of it, well two can play at that game Will thought to himself. He leant forward and slowly, teasingly pressed the softest of kisses to her lips and then couldn't help the chuckle that left his mouth as he pulled away, he'd known a kiss like that was sure to make her groan as it ended way too soon in Mackenzie's opinion.

"You have no idea how much I wanted to do that to you two years ago," Will sighed as he rested his forehead against hers, "It took every ounce of self-control I possessed not to pull you out of that idiot's arms at midnight that night and not kiss you senseless."

Mac sighed and pulled away slightly and it was only when her eyes met his and she saw the love shining in them that got the courage to say what she was really thinking, what she'd been thinking for two years now, "I hoped and prayed all night it would be you kissing me rather than Wade,"

Will closed his eyes, still unable to believe quite how much he adored hearing her say things like that. He gently pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and let his fingers slide down her cheeks. "I wasn't ready then Kenz, although I was desperate to dance with you that night, to kiss you and hold you it was just the wrong time for us. You get that right?"

Mac nodded, knowing what he was saying was right, but still couldn't help the little pout that appeared on her face at the memory of that night, "still, one little dance wouldn't have hurt surely? I thought for so long you weren't interested."

Will shook his head and pressed another light kiss to her lips, "darling, I've never been more jealous of a man in my life than I was of Campbell that night, I assure you I was more than interested."

"Well mister, you owe me a session of kissing me senseless then!" Mac whispered shyly, her bottom lip automatically slipping between her teeth as the hope and sparkle in her eyes, melted Will on the spot.

"Suddenly I'm wishing we weren't going out tonight," Will whispered, running his hands softly across the top of Mac's bare arms, "all this talk of kissing you senseless has me thinking of telling Jess we're sick."

"You can't do that Will," Mac giggled, "there's time for us when we get home, right now you need to spend the evening with Jess and Michael."

"I know…" Will mumbled, "but as gorgeous as you look in that dress right now I wouldn't mind getting you out of it!"

Mac giggled again and wrapped her arms up and around his neck, "You know…I em…do have to…em…. actually get out of it later so you can…you know…help.…"

"Help?" Will chuckled, wondering if there would ever be a time again when Mackenzie wasn't nervous around him when it came to this sort of thing. She always used to be so confident, so free, she used to say or do anything around him and right now that was missing. Will looked up and was certain the red patches on her cheeks were from utter embarrassment but he pulled her fully into his arms and sighed as he felt their bodies touch. "I might just hold you to that offer later Kenz, but first…dance with me?"

"Here?" Mac asked giggling.

"What's wrong with here?"

"We have no music silly," Mac answered as she let her fingers sift in his hair.

"Who needs music?" Will whispered as he slid one arm around her waist and the other around her shoulders, loving the feeling of her bare skin under his fingers, "so, as you look so utterly gorgeous I think you should pick the song? What song would you like to dance to?"

Mac couldn't help but giggle again and she wondered just when she'd turned into a twittering teenager around him, "well, it has to be something by Van Morrison if we're dancing," Mac replied simply, remembering many a night in the past with Van Morrison playing softly in the background while they talked, danced and made love.

"I know just the one," Will whispered and pulled her even tighter against his body, burying his head in her hair and losing himself for a moment in the feelings that flooded over him. A few moments later he lifted his head slightly and began to sing so softly in Mackenzie's ear as he slowly swayed her back and forth.

"Have I told you lately that I love you?

Have I told you there's no one else above you?

Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,

Ease my troubles that's what you do."

Mackenzie couldn't help it as her eyes filled up with tears as Will continued to sing their song from when the olden days, the days before Brian Brenner and affairs and betrayals, the days when everything had been so easy between the two of them. As Will began the second verse Mac lifted his head and cupped his cheeks in her hands. For a moment Will stopped singing as Mac gazed into his eyes unable to believe quite how much was being said between the two of them with just one gaze, "I love you, Billy," Mac finally whispered, her heart suddenly overflowing with love for the man standing before her. "I love you so much."

Just as Will parted his lips to answer there was a loud knock at the door making them both suddenly jump apart. "I thought we were meeting Jess downstairs," Mac said, as the knocking got louder and sounding more urgent by the second.

"We are," Will replied marching straight over to the door. He pulled it open expecting to see Jess there and instead Pete was stood there with an unamused look on his face.

"What's happened?" Will questioned but Pete didn't reply, he stood still and just stared at his elder brother. For a moment Will considered just simply shutting the door and going back to his dance but then he saw the tears in his younger brothers eyes and Will knew he had to see whatever this was through. "Pete?"

When Pete didn't answer, Will took his brother by the arm and pulled him inside the bedroom, he was far too well known in these parts to be having a spat with his brother in a hotel hallway and Will could just tell this was going to be a spat. Unfortunately, he knew his younger brother's glares all too well. Pete walked into the bedroom and stared at Mackenzie and for a moment he considered asking her to leave but he instantly remembered Will's reaction last time and thought better of it. The door slamming shut behind him suddenly reminded Pete where he was and what he was here for. He turned to Will and glared again at his elder brother.

"Tell me it's not true?" Pete said so quietly that Will actually strained to hear what Pete was saying.

"What's not true?" Will asked, not having the foggiest what was going on in Pete's mind right now.

Pete shook his head and let out a deep sigh before sitting himself own on the edge of the bed, "Iris…she came over and was saying some fucking crazy things Will...tell me it's not true, please."

Will closed his eyes and felt his blood run cold for a moment, he suddenly had the most awful feeling wash over him and he instantly knew what Iris meant when she said she had other things to do. Mackenzie must have realised at exactly the same time because she crept up behind Will and rested her hand on his lower back trying her best to encourage Will to stay calm.

"What did Iris tell you?" Will asked, sounding a hell of a lot more in control of the situation than he felt.

"For fuck's sake Will, don't tell me you don't know, you probably set this whole thing up," Pete said, shaking his head and suddenly standing as close to Will as he could.

"Hey, look Pete, I don't know what's been going on, I left Iris a couple of hours ago and have been here with Mac the whole time. I haven't set anything up."

"Bullshit. You know what the fuck I'm talking about," Pete roared, just as there was another knock at the door.

"I'll get it." Mac whispered and headed over towards the door leaving Will and Pete glaring at each other both stubbornly refusing to back down at all in this conversation.

"I thought we were meeting at half past?" Jess asked as Mac answered the door. Mac didn't say anything but stood back and opened the door widely so Jess and Michael could see what was going on.

"Ah, here's the other one," Pete said bitterly, wiping at his cheek and turning to face his sister, "I guess you're in on this fucking game with him, you two seem as thick as thieves today."

"Hey, watch it," Michael muttered starting towards Peter, but Jess rested her had on Michael's arm and squeezed it gently to show she was okay.

"What's happening Will?" Jess asked ignoring Pete and making her way over towards her elder brother. Still Will didn't reply to either Pete or Jess but he did reach for Jess's hand and gripped hold of it tightly.

"Will?" Jess repeated but the look on his face showed that he was already blocking himself out of this whole conversation. Mackenzie, recognising all the signs quickly crossed the room and turned Will to face her.

"Let's get out of here," she whispered, suddenly not wanting Will to have to handle any of this, he seemed to be shrinking back into his shell more and more with each passing moment. "You don't have to take this Billy."

"He's staying," Pete roared, "he has some explaining to do."

Mackenzie didn't even realise quite how angry that comment had made her until she had spun around and marched the five steps towards Peter, "listen here, you little prick, Will doesn't have to explain anything to anyone do you hear?" Mackenzie said firmly, all the time poking her finger in Peter's chest. "If he wants to go then we're going, you understand that?"

"You're the one who needs to get out of here," Jess said angrily, glaring at Pete, having had enough of this already.

"I'm not leaving until my brother here tells me just what the hell is going on," Peter spat at Jessica.

"You know what Pete? After thirty odd years of looking down your nose at your brother you have no right to come in here demanding anything from him," Jess said with an air of confidence that took most of the room by surprise. Not Will though, she may come across to most as mild mannered and relaxed but Will remembered many a time in their childhood where he'd stopped her mouthing off to her father. He'd always do it instead so the attention would be taken off Jess and put onto him, he take the swipe of the hand that he always knew was coming rather than let Jess anywhere near their father but tonight he saw that same fire burning in her eyes.

"He asked to be looked down on forever distancing himself from his own family and now all this shit Iris is shouting about, none of this was even in her mind before he came back to town," Pete said glaring at the silent Will.

"It was in her mind Peter except she has learned to push it to the back of her mind, like I have and most definitely like Will has. You have no idea what the hell happened before your beloved father walked out on us so don't…."

"Jess, leave it. It's not worth it," Will interrupted but Jessica carried on ignoring Will completely.

"You have no idea what we put up with time after time when he was drunk and you certainly have no fucking idea what Will took as a twelve year old boy to protect you, me, Cassie and our mother so don't you dare come here shouting your mouth of at him you hear me? Will is more of a man than you ever will be and a hundred times better a man that our father ever was."

"Jess," Will whispered, his eyes pleading with Jess to let it go but Jess was not having any of it, it was almost like it was a relief for her to finally say the words out loud in front of both of her brothers.

"You're lying," Pete spat at Jess through gritted teeth.

"Why the hell would I lie about something like that? Why would Iris lie?"

"Because none of you liked dad," Pete shouted his face so close to Jess's, "do you have any idea how wrong it is to speak ill of the dead?"

"None of us liked him because he was a drunken bastard who used to come home and take his frustrations out on his wife and children by using his fists," Jess shouted at her younger brother, "believe me you would have felt the same way if you could even remember any of this shit so maybe instead of barging in here having a dig at Will you could thank him, thank him for hiding you in his closet one day when you were about four years old so you didn't see what was going on. Or thank him for pulling dad off you when the bastard suddenly thought the only way to stop you crying would be to slap you around the head, thank him and Iris for being the only people who literally cared enough about us to protect us, look after us…."

"Okay…that's enough," Will suddenly shouted from his spot across the room. He knew where this would be heading and he could tell from the look of utter heartbreak on his brother's face that this needed to end now.

"No Will," Jess replied, "no, I know I said I didn't want to go through all this crap again but Iris is right, he needs to know if he's being so fucking righteous the whole time."

"He's heard enough," Will said firmly, letting go of Mac's hand and making his way over to his brother and sister in the middle of the bedroom. Jess's eyes were filled with tears but Will could tell it was tears of anger and frustration and probably regret. To Will it almost took him back forty years seeing her so hurt and so bitter and his heart ached for her right then. Will instantly pulled Jess into his arms and held on as tightly as he could as Pete suddenly flopped onto the edge of the bed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Pete whispered, breaking the silence that had engulfed the room.

Will let go of Jess and looked at Michael to come and take his place comforting Jess. When Michael had Jess held in his arms, Will sat on the edge of the bed next to Pete, "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to have go through it Pete, there was no point ruining your childhood when there was no need to. He'd gone by the time you and Cass were old enough to realise what was going on and over the years you guys got close…I didn't want to ruin that, I had no right to ruin that."

Will's voice was soft and low and Mac could hear from the cracks in his voice that he was struggling to hold himself together. She wished more than anything right now that the others would all just disappear and that she could simply hold Will in her arms for the rest of the night and soothe away all the hurt and worries his family continued to cause him.

"Look buddy," Will whispered as the two sat with their heads still bowed, "this isn't what I wanted, I told Iris to leave it alone, that you didn't need to know about any of this stuff from the past. It's in the past, it doesn't involve you or Cassie, I've made sure you never needed to know."

"You still could have told me," Pete whispered, his voice angry and bitter. He stood up and glared down at Will, "You should have fucking told me Will, you had no right to keep this kind of shit from me."

"What good would it have done?" Will asked standing to look his brother in the eye, "Seriously, what difference would it have made to anything Pete? It had all stopped by the time you grew old enough, he'd left and I was too busy trying to hold this family together, it wouldn't have made one difference."

Pete shook his head and slowly made his way towards the door, "I might have understood more, we might have been closer over the years..."

It was Will's turn to shake his head, as he stood firm in the middle of the room, "whatever our differences have been in the past I'm speaking as your brother Pete and I swear to you that all your life I've only ever wanted what's best for you. It would take more than you knowing about dad for us to be closer."

Will knew he was probably being harsh to his brother but it was true and if Pete wanted the truth he could have it. Pete stared at Will for the longest time, he obviously had so much more he wanted to say but eventually he nodded his head and turned for the door. "I have to find Cassie," he finally announced, "fuck only know what bar she disappeared to after Iris left."

"Want some help?" Will offered quietly but Pete shook his head firmly, "it's probably best not to," and Will understood what his brother meant. Pete was the calm one compared to the temper Cassie had on her and maybe it was just best if they all left well enough alone until she had calmed down a little.

The moment the door to Will's hotel room closed and Peter was gone Will collapsed on the bed letting out the biggest sigh. Mackenzie instantly made her way over to Will and sat down next to him, her hand automatically finding his.

"You okay?" Mac whispered as she curled her arms around him.

Will nodded and gently stroked Mac's hair as he felt her rest her head against his shoulders and of course he instantly felt himself relax a little. "I can't believe Iris told them, she had no right to after I asked her not to."

"Will, she has a right to do whatever she feels is right," Mac replied, squeezing Will's waist, "she felt strongly about how they've behaved over this whole thing and I know you're not going to like this but I agree with her."

"I knew you would," Will said getting up and making his way over to the window.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to watch him being such a prick to you Billy?"

"Mac's right," Jess added from the other side of the room and for some reason the two of them agreeing with Iris was starting to piss Will off.

"I'm going for a walk," Will muttered as he picked up his blackberry from the table.

"I'll come with you," Mac whispered, standing immediately and following Will to the door but Will was already shaking his head.

"No…please," Will said turning to Mackenzie and taking her hands in his, "Kenz, I'm not storming off okay, I'm not running away, I just really want to be alone for a little while, okay? I swear I'll be back soon."

Mackenzie sighed but nodded and reached up to press a soft kiss to his cheek before Will turned and smiled weakly at Jess and then made his way out of the room.


	13. Chapter 13

It was over an hour later as Mackenzie paced the bedroom back and forth, wondering what the hell had happened to him that she suddenly caught sight of a lonely figure sitting down by the pool. She quickly grabbed her hotel key card and made her way to the elevators as fast as her feet could take her.

"Hey," Mac whispered as she approached Will sitting out on one of the sun loungers a couple of minutes later. Will looked up and attempted to put the cigarette out he'd been smoking before Mackenzie saw it, he'd been making such an effort not to smoke around her lately but tonight had just about tipped him over the edge. "Jess and Michael have gone back to their room."

Will nodded but didn't offer any reply.

"I suggested maybe we could meet up in New York for dinner in a couple of weeks? Jess and Michael seemed to like the idea," Mac continued. Will smiled briefly and reached out for Mac's hand and gripped hold of it tightly.

"What are you doing sitting out here all on your own?"

Will shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and moved his legs over a little so Mac could perch on the edge. "I think I've fucked up Kenz."

"What's happened?" Mac asked, her fingers already starting to draw lazy circles onto his thigh.

Will took a deep breath and rested his head back against the sun lounger and closed his eyes for a few moments, "I called Iris," he finally whispered letting out a long breath. "I shouldn't have, I know that now but I had to know why she did it? After everything I said to her Mac."

"And what did she say?"

"She said that she needed to do what was right. That it was something that should have been done years ago and that she was fed up with Peter and Cassie treating me and her like they do."

Mac sat for a moment, part of her actually scared to tell Will what she thought simply because she knew he wouldn't like it.

"I know you agree with her," Will finally said, saving Mackenzie the trouble of actually saying it herself.

"I do and I'm sorry that you don't," Mac replied, "but she does have a point. I know Pete is mad at you right now and God only knows what Cassie's reaction is but they'll calm down Billy. It's just a matter of time."

"I hope you're right," Will replied, "because I'm just about getting over my father ignoring me for thirty years, I don't need that from my brother."

"Aren't I always right?" Mac asked, winking at Will and letting that beautiful little smile that always melted Will appear on her face.

"C'mere," Will whispered as he opened his legs a little and patted the spot in between. Mac didn't need to be asked twice and clambered over his leg and settled herself down on the lounger between his legs with her back resting against him. Will instantly wrapped his arms around her and buried his head in her hair. "I'm sorry I've screwed up our evening," he mumbled into her ear.

"It's okay."

"Is Jess mad at me?"

"Of course not," Mac replied resting her own hands on top of Will's arm, "I don't think she felt much like going out anyway now."

Will sighed and pressed a loving kiss to the side of Mackenzie's head and held onto her tightly, "the stars are so bright out here compared to New York," he whispered as he felt Mac relax in his arms.

"They're almost as bright as they were in the desert," Mac said, letting her mind wander back to many a night she spent staring up at the stars in the Middle East. She wouldn't tell Will tonight how she used to wish upon the stars like she did when she was a little girl, those stories could wait for another evening but she would one day tell him about her times under starry skies when she would dream about moments like this – moments when she thought that feeling his arms around her or pressing soft kisses onto her hair was just a distant memory.

"I feel like I should go over there and apologize," Will whispered with a hint of regret in his voice.

"Iris?" Mac questioned.

"Yeah…I raised my voice to her and I shouldn't have, whatever she did I had no right to treat her like that."

"We can head over if you want?" Mac offered, turning her head slightly so she could see his eyes.

"I don't know if she'd want to see me right now, maybe waiting until the morning would be better if she's mad at me."

"I don't think Iris could ever be mad at you for too long," Mac whispered, trying her best to make Will feel a little better.

"She seemed so different with me tonight, so firm with me and she's not often like that with me," Will said quietly, "she said something to me at the end of the conversation that made me think…she said that sometimes the right thing has to be done whatever the consequences. She said that forty years ago she made the decision to tell my Dad what she thought of him and that ended up with them hardly ever speaking a civil word to each other again, but that it was okay because she had done what she knew was to be right, what needed to be done. She said she'd stuck up for us kids and given her brother a piece of her mind when no one else was brave enough to do it."

Will stopped for a moment and snuggled Mackenzie as close to his chest as he could before carrying on. "Then she said that she did the right thing tonight and if it resulted in me being mad at her then so be it but she knows she did the right thing. To tell the truth Kenz I really don't know what she means by that."

"She obviously feels strongly about it Will. Please don't think too badly of her over this, she really does love you Billy, you know that right?"

"Yeah," Will agreed simply and sighed again, "Who knows? Maybe some good can come of it? Maybe I'm not seeing things clearly. I trust you and Iris more than anyone else in the world and if you both think this is the right thing to do then maybe it is."

Mackenzie couldn't help herself as she heard those words fall from his mouth, she turned herself around and for once didn't care about the tears that had filled her eyes, "You mean that? You really trust me?" she whispered as a single tear crept out of her right eye.

Will watched as the tear made its way down her cheek and then he gently mopped it up with the underside of his thumb, "Of course I do," he replied so very quietly, "in every way possible I trust you."

"I didn't think you ever would again," Mac whispered, her voice cracking halfway through the sentence, "I thought that after before…you know…."

"Shhh," Will interrupted realizing that Mac still couldn't talk about what happened with Brenner without falling apart and the last thing he wanted now was her falling apart, he needed her far too much for that. "Forget before okay? It's over and done with. Forgotten."

"Just like that?"

"Yep," Will whispered as another tear and another slid down her cheeks, "hey, I don't know when it happened but it did Mac. I don't care about before any more, all I care about is you and me and the future. I told you earlier that I love you Mackenzie and I meant it, there can't be that kind of love and not be trust along with it. You know that right?"

Somehow, Mackenzie managed to pull herself up and climb across his lap so she was facing him and roughly pulled his face towards hers. The kiss that followed was hard and needy but to Will it couldn't have felt sweeter. He could taste her tears and he could feel her shaking slightly in his arms but the love and emotions that one kiss bought to him was by far, the best feeling he'd had in recent years. After a minute or two Mac finally pulled back and gazed longingly into Will's eyes before she collapsed against his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around his back.

Will returned the hug and curled his arms around her, holding her to his chest and not wanting these feelings coursing around his body to ever end. After a moment or two more, he slid his hand into her hair and let it rest there as his other hand slowly rubbed circles into her back.

"You changed," he whispered a moment later, "what happened to the dress?"

Mac giggled and pressed a soft kiss to the underside of his jaw, "you only just noticed that huh? Great journalistic skills McAvoy, it takes you a good fifteen minutes to see the facts!"

"I thought I was supposed to help you out of it?" Will mumbled against her ear before dropping the lightest of kisses on her head and chuckling softly.

"Next time," Mac replied, grinning at the thought and desperately annoyed that she changed out of the damn dress now.

"You could always wear it on Friday," Will continued, the fantasy of getting her out of that dress refusing to leave his mind now.

"Friday?" Mac questioned sitting up a little but not moving her hands from the base of his neck, where she'd been running her fingers through his hair.

"We have a date remember?"

"Oh, I thought you might want to put that back because of everything that happened here?" Mac whispered shyly.

Will was already shaking his head as he leaned in and pressed a long kiss to her lips. "No way, a date's a date Kenz! Nothing in the world is going to stop me taking you out on Friday night. Nothing you hear? No massive breaking news story, no family dramas, no extreme weather in New York, not even if an earthquake was to strike Manhattan. I've waited too long for this chance again – nothing's going to get in my way you hear? Nothing!"

"I'm yours the moment Herb says we're clear," she said, kissing his cheek. "I do think you'll feel better if you talk to Iris. How about we go over there and see her," Mac suggested.

He nodded and said, "okay."

"Do you want to talk to her alone?" she asked.

"Together, please, Kenz."

She nodded and climbed off of his lap and held out her hands to him. He took her hands in his and sat there looking up at her for a moment. "I'm so glad you came with me, I couldn't have done this by myself."

"Anything you need, please remember that for me."

He smiled and nodded and stood up, still holding her hands. "Do you want to go change before we head over to Iris'?" she asked.

"I probably should," he said, leading them back up to their adjoining rooms. Once they were in his room he let her hand go and took off his jacket and began unbuttoning his shirt. She pushed his hands away and began unbuttoning his shirt for him. "What'cha doing, Kenz?"

"Helping," she said with a smile.

"Thanks," he said and leaned in to kiss her nose.

When she had his shirt unbuttoned she pushed it off of his shoulders and asked, "what did you want to wear, a sweater?"

"That's fine." She grabbed the sweater and handed it to him to pull on.

"Jeans?" she asked picking up a pair from his suitcase.

"Yes, please," he said holding out his hand for the jeans. She walked back to him and gave him the jeans and reached for his belt. He went very still.

"Are you all right?" she asked and stopped any further movement on his pants.

He looked into her eyes and saw his love returned. Slowly he nodded and said, "go ahead."

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Billy."

"You won't. I like you touching me as much as you like it when I touch you, sweetheart."

She nodded and unbuckled his belt and then unbuttoned his pants and pulled the zipper down. He toed off his shoes and she pushed his pants off of his hips. He stepped out of the pants and she picked them up while he pulled on his jeans.

"Is Lonny going to have to go with us?" Mac asked.

"I'll call him and check. We should be fine, we're going straight to Iris' house and then back here."

Mac went to the bathroom while Will was talking with Lonny. When she returned he said, "Lonny's staying here."

"Okay. Are you ready?" she asked.

He nodded and held out his hand for her, which she immediately took. The drive to Iris' house was very short. Iris was sitting on the porch when they pulled up. Will waited for Mac in front of the car and took her hand as they walked up to the porch.

"Hi," he said to Iris.

"Hello. Come on up and have a seat," Iris said.

Mac walked up on the porch first and sat across from Iris. Will stopped in front of Iris and said, "I'm sorry."

Iris stood up and pulled Will into her arms. "They needed to know," she said.

"That's what Mac tells me, too, and Jess. I trust you all and honestly, it's probably best they do know. I'm sorry they're hurting though."

"You never should have had to bear that burden Will." He nodded and sat down next to Mac.

"I shouldn't have raised my voice to you Iris, I apologize."

"Thank you. Have you spoken with Cass?"

Will shook his head. "No, Pete was going to try to find what bar she'd ended up in and talk to her."

"They don't know how special you truly are, my boy."

Will started to shake his head but Mac placed her hand on his arm and said, "Iris is right."

"Thanks," he said, taking her hand in his, bringing it to his mouth to kiss. Iris smiled at the two of them. Will needed someone like Mac in his life, someone that was always on his side and fighting for him.

They chatted with Iris until he saw her yawn and both he and Mac hugged her and said good night. They arranged to have breakfast together before their flight in the morning at the diner so they could say goodbye to Mary, too.

When Will got them back to the hotel they ran into Michael getting ice. "Everything all right?" Will asked.

"She's upset but we're working through it," Michael explained. Will really liked Michael and he seemed to really love Jess.

"Iris is going to join us for breakfast at the diner, you guys are welcome to come along. We have to leave pretty early, though, to make our flight."

"Thanks. We'll be there," Michael said and went back to the room he was sharing with Jess.

"He's good for her," Mac said as they walked toward Will's room. "You can tell how much he really cares."

"I'm glad she found that. She deserves to be happy," Will said, opening his door.

"Do you want to talk?" she asked. She was getting a weird vibe from him but she wasn't sure he wanted to talk.

He turned around and put one hand in her hair and the other on her hip and kissed her deeply. After a few moments he pulled back and she said, "wow."

"I love you, Kenz."

"I love you, too, Billy."

"Can we go to bed? I need to hold you and be with you."

She smiled at him and said, "of course, come on," she said leading the way into her room. She was looking for the t-shirt she'd been sleeping in when he pulled her around and began undressing her. She nodded when he looked up, getting the encouragement to continue from her. He had her down to her underwear when he reached around behind her to undo her bra and slipped it off of her arms. He was standing there simply looking at her, and he reached for her breast, kissing the top and then kissed his way up her chest and neck until he reached her mouth. His hand was caressing her when he pulled back from the kiss. "Nice," she said. He removed his hand and put her t-shirt over her head. "My turn?" she asked.

He nodded and she helped him undress down to his boxers and led him to the bed, climbing in first. He settled on his back and she cuddled up to him, her head on his shoulder. "I'm so glad you were with me today. I couldn't have done this without you, Kenz. I don't ever want to do anything without you ever again."

She leaned up and kissed him. "Good thing. You're stuck with me," she said, trying to make him smile and it worked. He pulled her back to his chest and rubbed her back. "You're going to make me fall asleep," she mumbled into his chest.

He chuckled. "That's the idea. We've got to be up early."

"Did you set your alarm?" she asked.

"Yes. I gave us enough time to pack in the morning and get to breakfast."

"Thanks," she said kissing his chest. He watched her eyes close.

He had no idea how much longer he could wait; he wanted her so badly. He'd gotten used to sleeping with her and helping her dress and undress and simply being with her over the last few days. Fortunately, they already spent the majority of their days together but he needed to work on the nights. He didn't want to go back to New York and they spend their nights apart. That wasn't acceptable any longer now that he had her back and they were moving on, together.


	14. Chapter 14

When the alarm sounded the next morning she was laying half on top of him. He reached for his phone and turned the alarm off and rubbed her back, helping her to wake up. She lifted her head and saw that it was still dark outside and dropped her head back onto his chest. He laughed and hugged her tight.

"You need to hop in the shower," he said, trying to encourage her.

"Okay," she said sitting up. He immediately missed her warmth. "I like sleeping with you, Billy," she said, rubbing his chest.

"Me, too. We'll make sure it's something we continue at home. We'll figure it all out, okay, I promise."

She nodded and got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. When he heard the shower start he walked into his room and showered. He then called Lonny to let him know they were going to breakfast before their flight. He was already dressed and packed when Mac walked into his room. "Are you ready for breakfast?" he asked.

"I am. I'm really hungry, too."

"Mary will like that," he said, taking her hand and together they walked out of the hotel and met Lonny at the car.

It was too early for the diner to be very busy. "Good morning, Mary," Will said as they took a table.

"Good morning, Will. Is anyone else joining you today?"

"Iris should be here along with Jess and Michael. Pete and Cassie have been invited, but I don't know if they are going to show up."

"Coffees all around?" she asked. They all nodded and agreed.

Iris was the next to arrive and she came in with Pete. Will stood to greet Iris with a hug and held his hand out to Pete. "Cass won't be joining us this morning."

"Did you find her last night?" Will asked.

"I did. She was pretty messed up when I found her. There was more than alcohol in her system. I'm sure she's still sleeping off whatever it was she took."

Jess and Michael joined them and they all ended up having a very nice breakfast together. Maybe Iris was right, Pete and Cass did need to know to start the healing process for all of them. Jess and Michael were the first to take off as they had to drive back to Omaha for appointments later in the morning.

Jess hugged each of them and walked out with Michael and Will. When they got to Michael's car Will pulled Jess into his arms. "I love you, Jess."

"I love you, big brother." She pulled back some but stayed in his arms. "Michael and I will see you and Mac in a few weeks in New York."

"That's great. I promise we'll make it to dinner," he teased. Will hugged her one more time and shook Michael's hand and said goodbye.

Iris and Pete were the next to leave. "Can I talk to you for a second," Pete asked Will.

They walked outside and Pete said, "I'm still processing what Iris said and I know this isn't enough but thank you, Will."

Will was touched. He smiled at Pete and nodded. "I'd also like to work on us being closer," Pete said.

"We can do that," Will said smiling at Pete. Pete hugged Will and after a moment pulled back. "I love you, Pete."

"I love you, too, Will," he said.

Iris walked out and saw the boys together and smiled at them. "Take care of her," Will said.

"I promise."

Will hugged Iris and stayed in her arms for a few minutes. They were talking quietly while Pete waited on Iris. Will kissed Iris' cheek and walked back into the diner. Mac could see the tears in his eyes and knew this was hard on him. She got up and pulled him into her arms and held him for a few moments. When he pulled back he had a smile on his face and said, "thank you."

"I love you, Will."

"I love you, Mackenzie," he said and kissed her gently. "Let me say goodbye to Mary and we'll go get our things and go to the airport.

Will walked back into the kitchen and was gone for a few minutes. When he walked out Mac saw Mary dabbing her eyes and Will had tears in his eyes again. She took his hand and they went back to the hotel after Will put money on the table for all of their breakfasts.

Will went to his room and quickly packed his things and brought his luggage into Mac's room. He sat on the bed and watched her finish up. "Are you all packed and ready?" she asked as she put the last of her items into her bag.

"I am. You ready to go home, Kenz?"

"Yes, are you?"

"I am. I never in a million years thought that I should have granted my father's request but I'm very grateful that you suggested I do so. It's been such a time for healing and understanding that I wouldn't have gotten if I ignored him. Thank you."

She smiled at him and nodded. "I'm glad you got some closure, Billy. Let's go home."

Lonny drove them to the airport and they boarded almost immediately. Will and Mac were sitting together with Lonny a few rows back. Once they'd taken off they settled in, holding hands. Mac fell asleep and Will watched her sleep, holding her close.

They were about to land when Will shook her shoulder. Her eyes popped open and he kissed her gently. "We're about to land," he explained.

"Thanks, I didn't realize how tired I was," she said.

"What time are you going to the studio?" he asked.

"I'll be there for the four o'clock meeting. Will you be there, then?"

"I'll make sure I am," he assured her.

Once they landed and got their luggage Lonny drove them to Mac's place first and Will took her luggage inside for her. "Thank you," she said as he put the luggage in her bedroom.

She looked a little sad and he said, "what's wrong?"

"I'm being silly," she said.

"It's okay, tell me," he encouraged.

"We've been together constantly over the last few days. I'm going to miss you."

She'd said it so simply and so honestly that Will felt his heart lurch in his chest. The look of love written across Mackenzie's face at that moment literally took his breath away and it took every ounce of self-control he had not to drag her into the bedroom and not leave her arms for a week. Instead, he closed the small distance between them and instantly pulled her into his body, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

"You want me to stay here with you for a while?" Will asked a couple of moments later, completely relishing the feeling of Mac being pressed so tightly against him once again. He really had no idea how things had moved forward so easily over the past few days but he wasn't complaining one little bit, he'd been dreaming of this life and this kind of peace once again with Mackenzie and somehow it had all fallen into place.

Mac hadn't answered his question but instead she simply shook her head before resting it down onto his shoulder and closing her eyes. Will placed the softest of kisses to the top of her head and let his hands rub her shoulders tenderly. "Hey, I'm going to miss you too, but it's only three hours and we'll be back at work right?" Will whispered wondering just how tighter Mackenzie could squeeze her arms around his back before she cut off circulation somewhere in his upper body. "Hey, I bet by the time the show starts you'll be pissed at me already and looking to chew me out about something," Will joked and slid his hands down her arms, gripping hold of her hands tightly.

Mac giggled and seemed to come out of her dreamy trance like state, "you're right," she whispered and stepped a couple of steps away from Will, making her way towards the large window in her apartment as if simply watching him leave would be too painful, "Still, I know it's only a couple of hours but I'm going to miss you."

"I know, me too," Will mumbled walking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist before resting his head on Mac's shoulder. They both stood still for a few moments with neither uttering a single word and both getting lost in the comfort that their arms bought each other. Finally Will pressed his lips to the side of Mac's head and squeezed her waist. "I better go, Lonny's waiting…I'll see you in a couple of hours, okay?"

Mac nodded and stared straight out of the window as Will made his way out of her apartment. She waited until she heard the door shut tightly before letting out the breath she'd been holding. A heavy sigh followed the breath and Mac rested her head against the cold window trying desperately to stop the muddled thoughts she had spinning around her brain right now. If she was honest with herself, Mac knew in her head she was probably being foolish by still doubting his feelings but she simply couldn't help herself, she'd spent so much of the last few years convincing herself that things could never be this good with Will that it seemed a pretty impossible task to now train her brain otherwise.

Mac appreciated that Will had shown her in plenty of ways over the last few days exactly how he felt about her but still she couldn't accept that he really did love her – that he really did want to start fresh with her. It just all seemed too good to be true that after all the years of heartache that a few days away was all it took to fix things between them. As much as she tried to believe his words and his actions, and she had really tried to believe them, there was just this silly niggling in the back of her mind that this would all be over the moment they were back at work, that Will would once again be his old self and Mac would be relegated from love of his life to simple work colleague and good friend and that thought simply wasn't acceptable to Mackenzie, not how he'd held her and kissed her and told her that he loved her. She knew she simply had to have it all with him or nothing at all, this 'in-between' they had created would simply not be enough for Mac, not anymore.

"You're being ridiculous," Mac whispered to herself and shook her head at her own stupid thoughts. Since when had she been the type to mope around over a man Mac wondered as she stood and began to unpack her suitcase. She slid the zip around the case and it only took her a single second to notice the large velvet box that was placed neatly on the top of her clothes.

Mac couldn't help but smile to herself as she lifted the box and gently pried the lid open. Inside sat the most beautiful string of pearls that Mac had ever seen in her life and she instantly knew she wouldn't be able to stop the tears that snuck out of her eyes. "Oh Billy," she whispered to herself and picked up the note that seemed to have been hurriedly scrawled and placed on top of the pearls.

_'I thought these would look perfect with that dress on Friday night. All my love Will.'_

And with that one simple gesture most of Mackenzie's doubts seemed to fly out of the window, she unpacked, showered, dressed and was in a cab heading towards ACN with a smile a mile wide across her face.

How Mackenzie managed to get through the next thirty hours before their date she wasn't quite sure. She had arrived at the office just yesterday afternoon to find a grinning Will sitting behind his desk and for the rest of the night the grin hadn't moved (including the hour between eight and nine pm when he was on the air).

It had taken Sloan all of two minutes to guess who the two dozen red roses were from that had miraculously appeared on Mackenzie's desk on Friday morning but neither Will nor Mac would confirm their staff's suspicions, over a shared Chinese take-out after the show on Thursday night they had decided that they wanted to keep this new found love and happiness quiet for as long as humanly possible. That was pretty much an impossible task though as Mackenzie walked across the newsroom to Will's office at half past nine on Friday evening. She slipped through the door and found Will gazing out of the window down to the city below.

"Hey," Mac whispered, creeping up behind him unable to hide the excitement in her voice, it really did feel like a brand new start for them and what's more up until a few days ago she really hadn't felt like that was possible.

"Wow, is it possible you look even more beautiful every time you wear that dress?" Will replied, turning and resting his hands on her hips.

"Why thank you sir," Mackenzie whispered and smiled that beautiful smile that managed to hit Will straight in the heart every time she used it. "If I remember rightly you're supposed to be helping me out of it."

Will nodded and let out a little chuckle, "I think I can manage that!" His hands automatically rose from her hips and found the zipper at the top of her dress. He pulled it down an inch or so and winked at Mackenzie cheekily, not daring to go any further right now.

"Not now mister, we save that for later," Mac giggled, the twinkle in her eye causing all sorts of effects to Will's body. He couldn't help himself a moment later as he leaned down and pressed his lips onto hers in a long tender kiss, there had been very limited physical contact between them since their return and to say it was driving Will crazy was an understatement. Much to Will's disappointment, Mackenzie pulled away and held up the black velvet box she'd found in her suitcase just yesterday, the same box Will had flippantly shrugged his shoulders at yesterday afternoon when Mackenzie had questioned him on it time and time again. "Will you do the honors?"

"Of course," Will replied softly as he took the box from her hands and lifted the pearls from inside. He walked behind Mac as she lifted her hair off her shoulders for him and fastened the pearls safely in place before dipping his head and pressing his lips to her bare shoulder in a long kiss. "So very beautiful," he whispered into her ear just before he stepped away slightly.

Mac turned around and her hand automatically rested on the pearls. "They're so beautiful Billy, I can't remember getting a gift so precious in a long time. Thank you so much."

Will nodded his head and quickly brushed away the tiny tear that had crept out the corner of her eye before resting his hands on her biceps and gently rubbing them back and forth. "I wanted you to have them," he whispered, a slight smile appearing on his lips. "They were my mom's, I bought them for her with the first pay check I ever got when I came to New York…honestly, they're nothing special but Mom loved them so much, I know she would have wanted you to have them."

"Oh Will," Mac whispered biting down on her lower lip to stop the tears from flowing freely. The emotions swimming around her already were threatening to spill over and they hadn't even stepped foot outside of his office yet. Will slid his hands down her arms and wrapped Mackenzie's hands in his own and squeezed them tightly.

"Iris had been looking after them for me since mom passed away and I asked her to find them for me. She gave them to me when we said goodbye at the diner."

"And just how did they end up inside my case?" Mac questioned all the time grinning at a mischievous looking Will.

"Well, you took forever in the bathroom at the airport remember?" Will chuckled, "I had Lonny keep watch while I slid the box inside."

"Way too crafty Billy!" Mac giggled liking the way Will seemed so pleased with himself. She was loving the new person he'd suddenly become over the past week, or should she say loving that he was back to the man she knew years ago while they were dating, the carefree, happy Will always putting her first and generally being the most perfect of boyfriends.

"You ready for dinner and dancing?" Will asked bringing Mac out of her thoughts and resting his hand on her arm.

"You know that lot out there are going to be talking about us going out dressed like this?" Mac said as Will placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her towards his office door.

"Let them talk," he whispered in reply as they reached the door, "You don't really think you could keep this quiet too much longer do you?"

"Not with you leaving roses all over my office Billy, no."

"I can't help it, you deserved to be spoiled," Will said as he stopped with his hand on the door handle. "I've been an idiot for too long now Mackenzie as far as you're concerned and I swear from now on this is a new start, this is where I show you just how special you are and just how much I love you."

He looked so sincere and full of love as he gazed into her eyes that Mac suddenly didn't care who knew. She'd been worried about the risk of them somehow fucking this up for days now so in her mind, it was simply best to keep this quiet but just one look into his eyes and she knew this love was forever, they'd both learned from their mistakes in the past and there was no way either of them were ever likely to repeat them.

"I love you too, you know that don't you?"

Will nodded and smiled a ridiculously huge smile just as he pulled the door open.

"Let's give them something to talk about," Mac whispered as she stepped out of his office and spun around to Will kissing him hard on the mouth in front of the whole newsroom staff. It took about ten seconds for the cheers and wolf-whistles to start and even the blush that came to Mackenzie's cheeks didn't stop them kissing until the need for air became too much.

"Kenzie, you have some serious explaining to do," Sloan squealed from where she was standing at Neal's desk.

"She does Sloan," Will chuckled as he started to escort his girlfriend towards the elevator, "but first she has to be wined and dined and…and well the rest I'm not going to talk about here so…it's just going have to wait until next week."


	15. Chapter 15

When they got to the street Will said, "your carriage awaits," and when Mac looked there was a horse drawn carriage sitting in front of the AWM building with a driver in a top hat, standing next to the carriage door. She smiled at Will and took the driver's offered hand to assist her into the carriage. Will followed her up and sat very close to her, his arm around her back. The driver climbed on board and cued the horses and they made their way to dinner.

They were chatting quietly when Mac realized that Lonny wasn't around. "Where's Lonny?"

"He's close by, but he's working on his stealth skills, so unless we need him we aren't going to see him tonight," Will explained.

She took his hand in hers and brought it to her mouth and kissed his palm then settled against him, enjoying their carriage ride.

Will was holding her tight, his mouth on her neck, kissing and nibbling. She turned her head giving him more access to her. "Like that?" he whispered in her ear.

She turned her head and kissed her way from under his jaw to his mouth. When she pulled away she said, "very much so."

The carriage driver stopped in front of the restaurant and then opened the door for Mac and offered his hand to help her down. Will followed her out of the carriage and handed the driver his fee and a tip and thanked him. When he turned to take Mac's hand she was up by the horses, stroking their noses. He had to smile at her and then he joined her. "Do you miss having horses?" he asked.

"Sometimes, but horses need room to run and we don't have that here," she said and took his hand in hers.

"You hungry?"

She nodded. "Let's get some dinner," he said leading them into the restaurant. There was a baby grand piano being played as they walked in and Will gave the host his name and they were seated in a back corner of the restaurant near a fireplace. The ambiance was perfect. Romance was what this restaurant was about.

Will ordered a bottle of wine and Mac excused herself to use the restroom. When she returned he was sipping a glass of wine. He stood when she appeared and he helped her with her chair. He was pulling out all the stops tonight, she decided.

They were holding hands chatting quietly about England and how old she was when she learned to ride when their appetizer arrived. He hadn't realized her first riding lessons were in New York. "It wasn't until we'd moved back to England that I really enjoyed riding. We rode out in the countryside, no cars, or people around. We'd go riding all day and take a picnic lunch with us," she said as they tried their appetizer. "This is excellent," she said and praised his choice of restaurants. She explained that she'd always wanted to eat here but somehow it just hadn't ever happened.

"I'm glad you're here with me," he said, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand.

"I love you, Billy."

"I love you, too, Kenz."

They were in no rush to end this date. They ate their dinner, enjoying themselves, chatting and sometimes finding out something new that they hadn't known about the other. She asked about his family and if he'd heard from any of them.

"I've talked to everyone except Cass. Pete said she was in a bad place but he's trying to help her. Jess and Michael confirmed by email that they will be here for a week, in just over two weeks."

"We need to arrange to take them around and show them the city, maybe a play, too, what do you think?"

"I think they'd like that a lot. I made reservations for them in midtown, not too far from you, actually."

"It will be nice to see them," she said, playing with his fingers.

"Michael is really good for Jess. I'm glad she's found someone, I really thought that she might not ever let anyone in."

"They are good for each other," Mac added.

The waiter brought Will the check and he gave the waiter his Black American Express card. Will signed the receipt and offered his hand to Mac, "you ready to get out of here?"

She smiled at him and nodded, taking his hand.

He led them out to a waiting town car and gave the driver his address. They were holding hands in the car but they were quiet. The driver dropped them off in front of Will's building and he escorted her inside, using his key card to access his apartment. Her head was resting on his shoulder and her hands were holding onto one of his. When the elevator doors opened the apartment was aglow with lit candles adorning every surface. There was a fire going and Mac was looking around, taking it all in. She turned to him and smiled. "You've outdone yourself, it's gorgeous, Billy, perfect."

"I had some help. May I take your purse?"

She handed him her purse and he placed it on the table by the elevator. "Something to drink?" he offered.

"What are you having?"

"Wine, chardonnay, I think. Would you like a glass?"

"Please."

He disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a bottle and two glasses. "Try this," he said handing her a glass.

She sniffed the wine and then took a small sip. "This is wonderful. California?"

"Your palate is good. It is a Napa Valley wine. I was sent a bottle as a present from someone and after one taste I had to get a case. It's my favourite Chardonnay now."

"I can see why, such a great taste."

He held out his hand and she placed her hand in his and he led them over to the fireplace. He placed his wine on the table and took hers and placed hers next to his. "Will you dance with me?"

She smiled and said, "I'd love to." He started the music and Frank Sinatra, Strangers in the Night, began playing. He opened his arms and she stepped into them. He held her close as they danced through the album, not rushing anything. He loved having her in his arms and there was nowhere else in the world that she wanted to be.

As the last song finished up she reached up and undid his tie. They'd stopped dancing and were simply holding one another. She let her hands skim down his arms and took his hands in hers. "You promised me you'd help me undress," she said moving toward the bedroom.

"And I always keep my promises." He stopped moving and tugged her hands to get her attention before they went into the bedroom. "I love you, with all my heart."

"I love you, Billy, so much, you're everything to me."

He smiled and picked her up and carried her into the bedroom and let her slide down his body next to the bed. He reached around behind her and unzipped her dress. She stepped out of her shoes and then her dress. He placed the dress on a chair and stood there looking at her dressed in a lace bra and panty set and thigh high stockings, when he looked down. She really was trying to kill him. God, he loved her legs. He reached around again and unhooked her bra. He pulled the straps down her arms and leaned in to kiss her.

She pulled his loosened tie off of him and pushed his jacket off his shoulders. When their kiss broke she placed his things with hers on the chair. He untied his shoes and took off his socks. He was unbuttoning his shirt when she moved his hands aside and finished the buttons for him and pushed the shirt off his shoulders. Her hands were on his belt and when she looked up at him he nodded. She could feel how hard he was when she undid his belt and pants. He hissed when she pulled down his zipper. "You okay?" she asked, pushing his pants off of his hips.

He nodded stepped out of his pants and leaned down to kiss her, his hands finding her breasts. She moaned when he pulled her nipple into his mouth for a very brief moment. Not long enough for her liking. He knelt down in front of her and placed his hands on her stockings and began rolling them down her leg and then he did the same with her other stocking. She was watching every move he made. When he had both stockings off he stood up and picked her up and laid her in the middle of the bed and sat beside her, his hand on her stomach, rubbing gently. He moved his hand over her underwear and rubbed her sex.

"God, yes," she said, arching into his hand. When she looked up at him he was smiling. "That feels so good, Billy, but you know what would feel better?"

"What's that?"

"No barrier," she said and lifted her hips and took off her underwear.

He placed his hand back on her in the same spot and she said, "perfect."

His thumb was tapping her clit, just enough to enflame. The next thing he knew her hand was on his penis, rubbing him through his boxers. He had to stop what he was doing to her, her touch was all he could concentrate on. "Kenz," he said, closing his eyes.

He needed to feel her touch his skin, not through boxers, just like she wanted him touching her not through underwear. He stilled her hand with his and quickly stood up and pulled off his boxers. When he sat back down she wrapped her hand around his shaft, stroking him slowly and when she got to the head of his penis, she paid special attention to the skin underneath that she knew was so very sensitive. Her other hand was rolling his testicles in her palm. He took her hands in his and he moved between her legs. He kept her hands in his as he placed his mouth on her and with his tongue he flicked her clit.

"Fuck, Billy, oh God," she moaned. Her hands were squeezing his, tighter and tighter. He knew he'd have crescent shaped indentions on his skin from her nails. He pulled one hand away from hers and pushed two fingers inside of her. He wanted to make her come desperately. He wanted her to feel so good. He pulled his other hand from hers and moved it to her breast, where he could caress and tug on her nipple. It was a triple assault on her and she was moaning constantly now, arching her hips against his mouth and his fingers. "Billy," she moaned and then her moans got louder and longer as she began to come from his ministrations. When she stopped shaking he gently removed his fingers from her and moved up next to her, pulling her against his chest, holding her tight, helping her recover.

She opened her eyes and pushed herself up to kiss him. When she pulled back she said, "I love you. That felt amazing," she said reaching for his erection, stroking him.

"Kenz," he said, closing his eyes.

"I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel."

"I need to be inside you, sweetheart."

She sat up and moved her leg over him, sitting on his hips, his erection in her hand. She was slowly stroking him when she sat up on her knees and held him steady as she sank onto him. "Kenz," he moaned. She was moving at a good pace on his cock and he knew this first time that he wasn't going to last all that long. He was very close to coming and he wanted her to come again before he did. He placed his fingers on her clit and he could feel himself sliding in and out of her.

"Fuck, Billy," she moaned and circled her hips on him, giving him a new sensation.

"Oh, God, fuck, Kenz," he said and squeezed his eyes shut. She was going to make him come quicker than he'd anticipated. He quickly began flicking her clit and she placed one hand on his stomach to help hold her balance and with the other she grabbed her breast and was twisting her nipple.

She screamed as she was coming, continuing her movements the best that she could through her orgasm. He quickly flipped them over and rested most of his weight on his elbows and began thrusting into her. It wasn't going to take him long to come. Her hands were on his cheeks and she leaned up to kiss him. When she pulled away she said, "your turn, baby. Come for me."

"Oh, God, yes," he said, thrusting harder and sloppier now that he was getting closer and closer.

"Billy," she moaned and he lost it, coming with her name on his lips. His head was resting against her shoulder as he tried to catch his breath. Her hands were on his back, trying to sooth him and help him calm back down.

He pushed himself up on his arms and leaned in to kiss her.

"I love you, Kenz," he said when he pulled back.

"God, I love you so much, Billy."

He rolled off of her and pulled her against his chest. They were lying there holding one another and when he looked down she was asleep. He closed his eyes and let sleep come.

Will couldn't help himself as he woke the following morning – a huge, soppy smile instantly spread across his face as he remembered the events of their date the night before. For a moment or two he had to wonder whether this was actually happening, whether the feeling and warmth of Mackenzie curled around his torso was definitely real or whether this was a another cruel trick of his over active imagination. He wouldn't be surprised if it had have been his own mind toying with him but then just a tiny whimper from Mac as Will's hand stroked affectionately up her back confirmed it for him, it was real, she was here, they were together and the smile grew even wider and soppier if at all possible.

"I can feel the grin on your face Billy," Mac whispered sleepily and tilted her head up so she could see his eyes.

Will chuckled and Mac being awake was all the excuse he needed. He dipped his head and smashed his lips against hers just at the same time his hands started to wander up and down her still naked body.

"Mmmm…. Good morning," Mac mumbled as Will released her lips a moment later, "I think I like being woken like this every morning."

"That's good, because I think I like waking you like this," Will whispered, pulling Mac up so she was now lying directly on top of him, "God, I've missed this so much, waking up with you is the best feeling known to man."

Mackenzie giggled and started to grind her hips down on his, memories of their love making flooding back to her and desperately wanting a reminder of just how good it felt to be in a proper relationship with the love of her life. It didn't take Will long to realise what Mac was after but just as his lips started to nip at her neck they heard a loud knocking on the door.

"Who the fuck?" Mac muttered in between kisses, determined to ignore whoever was bothering them at this hour but the second knock on the door stopped them both in their tracks. "I thought no one gets to come up here unless it's announced?"

"Ignore it," Will instructed as his lips once again pressed down onto Mac's.

"Argghhh, they're not going away whoever it is," Mac sighed as the knocking continued. She rolled off Will slightly, propping herself up on her elbow and gazing into his eyes. "Go speak to them and send them away quickly, I have plans for you Billy that don't involve leaving this bed for hours!"

"Fuck it," Will sighed, cursing whoever was at the door and turning his attention back to Mackenzie's lips for the briefest moment before he slid out of bed and grabbed his sweat pants from the chair in the corner.

"Don't you dare lose that thought, I'll be back," Will commanded as he dropped another kiss to her lips and trudged out of the room all the time muttering under his breath.

Mac giggled at his cursing and slid across the bed slightly so she was lying in the warm spot left by Will. She closed her eyes for a moment and let her mind wander back a couple of weeks ago. It was only thirteen days ago that she'd come over for breakfast to help him through the hurt that she knew mother's day would cause him and yet somehow that simple friendly gesture had catapulted them into a full blown relationship within two weeks. If Mac was honest, she was still struggling to take in quite how quickly this had all happened but just last night she had decided she was through with wondering and worrying, her beloved father had always preached that sometimes in life you just had to let yourself be happy and go with the flow and at no time in her life had Mackenzie ever thought that simple statement to be more true than right now.

Mac let her eyes flutter shut, desperately wanting nothing more than Will to slide back into bed next to her, and then pulled the covers way up to her chin. For a moment or two she allowed herself to think of the future and still thinking of her father's advice she let herself believe that in years to come she'd lay here as their children clambered into bed with them on a Saturday and Sunday morning. She could see long walks in the park on a Sunday afternoon as a little brown eyed girl ran around playing, she could see Will proudly showing off a little blonde haired boy to Jessica, Iris and Mary and she could see years and years of family happiness lying before them with no hurt or memories of the past to stand in their way. So vivid were the hopes and dreams flying around her mind at that point that it took her a full ten minutes to realize Will still hadn't returned.

Suddenly worried, Mac threw the covers back off the bed and pulled on Will's shirt that she'd ripped from his body eight hours earlier. She padded over to the door and made her way into the living room to see Will sitting at the table with a large brown cardboard box in front of him. He must have heard her because his head shot up towards her and even from across the other side of the room Mac could see tears glistening in his eyes.

"It's from my father," Will whispered answering Mac's unasked question and nodding at the box, looking every bit like a frightened ten year old boy once again. Mac hurried across the room as Will continued on, "Pete's sent the box but there's a note from him saying he found this in my Dad's bedroom at the farm."

Mac pulled the chair up next to Will and rested her hand on his arm as Will just stared at the box in front of him.

"Hey, it's okay Will, whatever's inside of the box can't hurt you anymore, you know that," Mac whispered as she gently rubbed his arm, hoping to comfort him in any way she could.

"Why does this happen just when I was getting my head around everything that happened?"

"Surely you wouldn't want Pete not to send it? Whatever's in that box is for you Billy, just open it and remember that I'm here for you, whatever you need."

Will finally took a deep and nodded in agreement to Mac, yet again he knew what she was saying was right. He slowly reached for a scrapbook at the top of the box with shaking hands, glancing at Mac apprehensively and waiting for her nod before pulling open the front cover and slowly flicking through the pages.

Mac could feel the tension dripping from Will as they took in the pages, for what seemed like minutes they looked at newspaper clippings, magazine clippings, photo after photo of Will from over the last ten years since he'd been in the public eye, all neatly compiled and nearly all with a scribbled comment from what seemed like the proudest of parents.

"I don't get it," Will finally whispered as they reached the end of the scrap book, "I just don't get how he could keep all this kind of stuff and not even try to talk to me for all these years."

"He was proud of you darling," Mac replied simply as she reached into the box and pulled out a stack of old photos that must have been taken nearly fifty years earlier. They were all of Will as a very young child playing with his father, cuddled with his father, asleep with his father, picture after picture of what seemed like the perfect parent with his very young son whom he obviously adored. Mac tore her eyes from the little blonde boy in the photo and looked up at Will, "Iris said that you used to be his world, remember? Before your mother…."

The sharp exhale of breath that left Will's mouth stopped Mac dead in her tracks and her heart melted with sorrow at the tears that suddenly streamed down his face.

"Honey, I know you find it hard to understand but you have to believe he loved you.… These pictures, that scrapbook, he was obviously very proud of you and what you've achieved."

"It would have been nice to know that while he was fucking alive," Will replied, the anger of the past still so evident in his voice.

Mac looked at the tears glistening in his eyes and the way his fists were clenched and put the photos down on the table. She reached for Will's hands and took both his large ones in between her much smaller ones. "Billy, you have to let this anger go, it's going to eat away at you until it there's nothing left but utter hatred inside of you."

"There's nothing but hatred left already," Will mumbled trying to look anywhere but in Mackenzie's direction.

"Rubbish, I refuse to believe that."

Will pulled his hands from Mac's and shook his head wildly. "You don't know what it's like Mac, how it hurts."

"No, I don't. You're completely right but I know what I saw this week and I saw that deep down you still cared for your father regardless of what has happened in the past. I know what he did was unforgivable and horrendous for you to live through but I still saw that you cared for him Will. I saw the relief in your eyes as you hugged him at the hospice facility and I saw the sadness written all over your face at the funeral so as much as you might think you can hide your feelings from me you can't and it's simply not healthy to carry all this anger anymore."

For a moment Mac started to waver at the glare in Will's eyes but then she remembered all the times in the past when he just needed pushing that little bit extra and she stood and made her way over to Will who was by the door to the balcony.

"I'm not going to let this eat you away, you know," Mac said quietly as she stood before Will, "I'm not going to let you pretend you hate him. You can pretend to other people all you like Billy but I'm not going to put up with you telling me that you don't care about him. And do you know why?"

"Why?" Will muttered after a moment or so of staring into Mackenzie's eyes.

"Because you're not him," Mac said firmly, her eyes not leaving his for one half of a second. "You're not stubborn like him and you're not stupid like him. I'm not going to let you be so damn pig-headed and hate him for the rest of your life when deep down you care. And you care because you're a better man than him Will, by a mile, by a hundred miles. He missed out on so much of his family's life because of his damn stubbornness. He knew what he did in the past was dreadfully wrong but he was too fucking proud to do anything about it. You weren't. You heard he was ill and he was dying and you did the right thing. Yes, there might have been harsh words but right at the end, when it mattered, your father knew you cared because you turned up and you held him and you were by his side for his very last seconds on this earth. The last person he saw before he left this world was you and that must have been the biggest comfort he could ever have prayed for."

"Only because of you," Will replied, as always refusing to accept any kind of compliment that might be offered to him.

"Who cares why Billy? It wasn't because of me…I may have suggested you make a visit back home but it was you that did it, you walked into that place feeling so terrified but acted so strong and I swear I've never been prouder of you than that day."

Mackenzie closed the small distance between them and curled her arms around his waist and then waited for Will to do the same to her.

"I know you love him deep down so don't be ashamed to admit you've loved someone, even if you don't think they love you back," Mac whispered as she felt Will tighten his grip on her back, "Because odds are, they love you back too, they're just too stubborn or scared to admit it…. I know that from experience mister."

The irony of her comment wasn't lost on Will, he tensed for a moment before he pulled away slightly, looking deep into Mac's eyes. "What are you trying to say, Mac?"

"I'm just saying that I've loved you all along Billy and deep down I know you've loved me too, you were just scared to admit it." Mac paused for a moment before she reached up and pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth, "just like your father has loved you for all the time you thought he hated you," she continued a moment later, "if that box of memories there isn't proof of just how much he loved you then I don't know what the hell is."

Will sighed and pulled Mac's head back against his still bare chest a little unsure of just what to think about everything Mac was saying.

"All I'm saying Will is please, please don't let your anger and the past eat you up and spoil our future happiness. You can't do anything about the past, yes, I'll admit it's been a horrendous situation for forty years but, now it's over. Let the past go with your father like you've let the past go with me. Be happy Billy. Be happy that you at least had some kind words for each other at the end and be content to know that he loved you and that he was proud of you, he was just totally incapable of showing it."

Will shuffled a little so he could wrap his arms around Mac completely and for a couple of minutes they were both silent. She was right, he knew she was right and he knew he couldn't fight this anymore. He didn't want to fight, he didn't want to carry around such baggage any longer. Maybe it was as simple as just letting it all go, simply wipe the past from his mind and be happy. It had undoubtedly worked between him and Mackenzie and by just forgetting the last few years of bitter words he was now closer with Jess than he'd been since they were fifteen years old. If it had worked with Mac and it had worked with Jess then surely it could work with Pete and Cassie and even the memory of John McAvoy. Maybe it was just as simple as wanting to be happy again.

"You're right," Will whispered quietly a moment later that both of them struggled to hear his words.

"Aren't I always?" Mac joked, with a loving smile lighting up her face.

Will chuckled and dipped his head so he could kiss her once again. Really, the feeling of utter euphoria that spread through him as their lips joined once more was something he knew he would never grow tired of, even if he lived to be a hundred years old. Mac pulled away first and gently cupped his cheeks with her hands.

"Hey, how about you go put some clothes on and I'll start the coffee, I need to spend a couple of hours looking at just how cute that little blonde boy is in those photos over there."

Will chuckled again and quickly pressed his lips to hers once again before disappearing into the bedroom.

It was four hours later, after a shared breakfast of pancakes a la McAvoy and after they had gone through every item in the box that Will gazed across at Mackenzie lounged out on the sofa next to him. He could hardly believe how fantastic he felt right now and as she studied the email she was currently reading on her blackberry Will simply couldn't remember a time in his life when he felt as happy and contented as he did right now.

If anyone had ever told him years before that the death of his Father would bring so much closure and contentment into his life he would have called them crazy but somehow it had and that was mainly due to the woman cuddling up to him at that very moment. And by contentment Will didn't mean he was glad his Father had died because strangely enough he wasn't, nothing was further from the truth even though for the past forty years he'd pretty much convinced himself he'd be pleased that John McAvoy was no longer on this earth. But somehow, Mac persuading him to take a trip home had fixed his aching heart in more than one way, not only was there the shining hope that the McAvoy family could finally function in the way any other family functioned but after what seemed like a lifetime of hurt and tears and bitterness, he finally had Mackenzie in his arms and the promise of what could be in the future for them both was surely the stuff dreams were made of.


End file.
